Meet The Cabots Four: Teenage Troubles
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: Alex is running for the Senate.  There's just one little issue; Alex's life is falling apart at the seams.  Can she and Olivia handle the stress and still remain together, or will everything they both worked so hard to achieve be completely destroyed? AO
1. Chapter 1

**I own no one but my own people.**

**A/N Wow… Three stories later and you guys are still reading and loving this beloved series. This is by far the most emotional story I think I will ever write on here. I didn't even want to write out the planning because I knew this was the end of it. I have written other stories, other OCs, but there's something about Max and Lila that I just… I can't describe it. Oh Christ, I'm tearing up already and I haven't even written any content yet. But, and I know this is going to sound stupid coming from a fanfic writer, it's almost like they're real people to me. I don't feel this way about the canon characters but Max and even more so with Lila, to me… it's like I feel like I'm about to lose two very important people in my life, even though they're just characters in a story, a fan fiction story at that. Wow that sounds beyond nerdy on so many levels… But anyway, I really, really, really hope you enjoy this story as much as I know I'll enjoy writing it. If you haven't read the first three, I don't think you'll understand this one… at all… So it would behoove you to go and read the first three installments conveniently located in my profile. They're pretty awesome… IMO of course… And I wasn't actually supposed to have this up until after the first of the year but I just started writing and couldn't stop so six hours later, here is the finished first chapter.**

**So, without further ado, please enjoy the last installment in the Meet the Cabot series :) And just to give you a little time line, here's everyone ages since it's skipping almost 13 years since the last one****.**

**Olivia: 60**

**Alex: 52**

**Lila 83**

**Max: 85**

**Lily 12, turning 13 in four days.**

**October 13****th****, Theodore Roosevelt Middle School, 12:32 PM, Manhattan **

Lily Benson stood in the end of the line at her school's lunch line, looking down at the white linoleum tiles, playing with a strand of hair that had fallen out of her pony tail.

She heard several other students from her class come behind her, and she looked down even more if it was possible, trying to make herself invisible to her classmates eyes, praying they would just completely ignore her today.

Her prayers went unanswered.

"Hey, Andrea, want to hear what my _father_ and I did this weekend?" the young girl, Britney O'Halloren, the girl who had made it her job to make sure Lily's life as miserable as possible, began with a smirk, and Lily felt a hot blush coming on as she shuffled forward, wondering why on earth it wasn't going any faster.

"What, Britney?" Andrea Casper, Britney's right hand woman, asked as she played right along with Britney's improvised cruelty.

"We went to go see that new vampire movie. God, I am like, _so_ lucky to have a father. I feel so bad for the freaks that don't have one."

"You know what's even worse than not even having a father?" Andrea asked, her voice getting louder and Lily felt her cheeks flush hotter. "Someone with two fags for mothers…"

"Oh god I know!" Britney replied louder, getting several students around them to chuckle as they moved forward in the line. "Just imagine being raised by two queers. God that person must be a total and complete freak, just like her faggot parents."

The laughter from the students grew louder, and Lily tasted the coppery taste of blood as she bit her bottom lip to keep the tears from coming.

"Don't cry!" Lily screamed at herself desperately trying to ignore the jibes made at her expense. "They're just jealous of me! That's why they're making fun of me!"

Even in her head Lily knew the words Alex had spoken to her so long ago were completely and utterly false.

"Hey, Andrea," Britney continued in faux wonderment, "I wonder if that freak that was raised by dykes actually even likes boys, or if she's gonna grow up to be a faggot just like her mother's?"

"Well I know!" one boy, Jason Skaggs, behind Andrea called out, "I would never even consider liking or dating a girl raised by dykes because she's probably a dyke herself!"

Lily took several shallow deep breaths as she listened to her crush of three years insult and degrade her, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.

"Me too!" another boy joined in, and the line erupted in laughter again. "Who would ever like a faggot anyway unless you were a fagot yourself?"

Lily hastily wiped the tears that had begun to fall, hoping it went unnoticed.

It didn't.

"Aww!" Britney called out loudly in mock sincerity. "Lily lesbo is crying! What's wrong, Lily lesbo? Don't like the way we're talking about your faggot mothers?"

Lily ignored the question as she finally got up to the food.

"Could I have the chicken with potatoes please, ma'am?" Lily asked her voice barely loud enough for the cafeteria worker to hear, but loud enough for Britney to hear.

"Hey, everyone!" Britney called out, "Lily lesbo is getting the chicken and potatoes! Don't get that unless you're a dyke like her!"

Lily took a shuddering breath as there was another fit of laughter, muttering a soft 'thank you, ma'am," when the worker handing her the tray, looking at her with the upmost sympathy as Lily moved down a few inches.

"I want the roast beef and green beans now," Britney ordered the worker as she flipped her long blonde hair behind her head.

"All out, sorry," the worker said a bit snippily, "you're gonna have to have the chicken and potatoes."

Britney scoffed and glowered at the worker who piled Britney's tray with the food moments ago Britney had deemed uneatable.

She looked behind her and saw Andrea look at Britney's tray in confusion before looking up at Britney herself, cocking one perfectly manicured eye brow in confusion.

But Britney, who had been in that situation before, simply scoffed before resorting to her stand by jibe. "Well fine then! I mean it's not the food that makes you a queer, it's the parents. And we all know _my_ parents are completely normal. Too bad that ugly dyke can't say the same!"

There was another loud laugh from the students who all forget about the food warning issued moments ago before Britney continued down the line.

Lily felt the tears well in her eyes as she quickly grabbed her apple and milk, not even bothering picking up a dessert, wanting nothing more than to move to the solitude of her lunch table in the back of her cafeteria.

She handed the two dollars to the worker taking the cash, quickly grabbing the 3 quarters in change and stuffing them in her pocket and exited to the dining area as quick as she could.

Lily's breathing had began to slow some, knowing she was about to get away from those jerks for the next 45 minutes, and unable to hide the smile that came from being alone, not being tormented or teased for almost a full hour. It was heaven on earth to the young girl.

As Lily sat down at her usual table, she cast her eyes around the lunchroom, every one of them filled except hers.

She watched as Britney and Andrea, laughing merrily, sat down at their usual table, every seat and then some filled with people who never looked upset or who were crying who were always smiling and joking with their friends.

Lily closed her eyes and for one brief moment; she pictured herself in Britney's shoes. One of the most popular girls in their grade, had a million friends, everyone wanting to be you or be friends with you, student body president, involved in almost every club, great at gym, great grades, and above all; she and her parents were completely normal.

Lily opened her eyes and as she looked around her empty lunch table, she was brought back to reality with a thud.

She was not Britney O'Halloren, popular girl extraordinaire. She was Lily Benson; light brown, almost blonde hair with light brown eyes, did okay in gym but was always picked last for the teams, with not a friend in the world. She had been in band up until this year, first seat trumpet, was selected for Jazz Ensemble in sixth grade, but even that had lost the joy it had once brought her.

The other members of the band weren't her friends, and they had ignored her most of the time unless they had to play with her, and even then all they talked to her about was the music or on the rare occasion told her congratulations after a great performance. They had ignored her instead of teased her, made her feel invisible instead of horrible. But on the first rehearsal of seventh grade, when several of her band mates had refused to take second seat because they didn't want to sit 'next to the dyke', she had quit that day. The band teacher had tried scolding the students, threatened to get them kicked off the band, but Lily had just volunteered to quit instead. 'No use everyone else suffering' she thought to herself every time she walked by the practice room.

When confronted by her parents about why she was gave up something she had loved doing since third grade, she lied and told them that she just lost interest in it and that she was taking art instead of band. And now her instrument, a gift Lily had gotten at the beginning of last year which had cost her parents almost a thousand dollars, sat at the top of her closet collecting dust.

But what killed Lily was she knew she could be popular if she were normal. She knew she was pretty, not drop dead beautiful, but she was certainly pretty enough to not have it affect her popularity status. She was tall for her age, but she didn't tower over the girls in her classroom. She was thin and in shape, something she really couldn't say was the case for half the girls in her grade. Her light brown hair was straight and had natural blonde toned highlights, and she had nice light brown, almost honey colored, eyes that were perfectly straight and had a nice round, shape, and only had to wear glasses when reading, but she never bothered to read in school anyway so she was hardly faced with that type of embarrassment.

She was on the much wealthier side of the student body that had come from old money dating back to the early nineteen hundreds, so it wasn't any of those typical problems holding her back. She wasn't a brainiac; she was actually just scraping by in D's in all of her classes, so it wasn't her grades that slowed her down either, of course she had been making straight B's and A's in all of her classes up until fifth grade, but that had stopped when she had stopped trying to impress people with her grades.

Yes she had been a 'band geek' but everyone had to sign up for some kind of liberal arts after school special rather it be choir, band, drama, or art. So to hear someone was in the band just means they couldn't or didn't want to sing, act, or draw; just like those in the other groups couldn't or didn't want to play an instrument.

But she had no one and nobody, thanks to her parents. She knew that if her parents had been born right, she would be as popular as any other fortunate girl. If her parents had just decided to be straight instead of gay then maybe Britney would be inviting her to her house on weekends to spend the night, Andrea would be calling her every night updating her on the rumor mills, and Jason Skaggs would actually be nice to her instead of torment her day in and day out. Maybe he would even be her boyfriend by now…

Lily took a shuddering breath and had to bite her bottom lip as she began to eat as slow as she could, trying to make the 45 minutes of silence last as long as she possibly could.

**October 13****th****, Hilton Hotel, Room 632, 12:32 PM, Albany NY**

"_Alex Cabot… Loyal Republican… Or something even more sinister?"_

"The new commercials on!" Chris Kempton shouted loudly as he paused the TV in front of him with the remote, gaining the attention of everyone in the suite and making the usually loud and buzzing room go completely and utterly silent.

Alex ran out form the back of the room, holding three heavy binders in her arms, her clearly tired blue eyes wide with astonishment as she looked at the shot of her picture in black and white, and even she had to admit it made her look somewhat evil.

"Play it, play it," Alex prompted her campaign manager as she put down the binders next to the chair beside him and kneeled down next to the man who had been by her side for the past year and a half.

Chris nodded and pressed play on the remote and everyone watched their rival's latest attempt to sabotage Alex.

"_Alex Cabot_," the dark and almost sinister voice over continued as it showed a picture of Alex, still in black and white, looking particularly angry while in a courtroom presuming yelling at the person on the stand. "_Manhattans newest Senior DA promises to be tough on crime, yet she let one of Manhattan's most dangerous criminal who murdered and raped five innocent women spend only a year in prison…"_

"My hands were tied!" Alex shouted as if the TV could hear her. "He wouldn't tell me where he was hiding the victim's five year old daughter!"

Chris shushed her and Alex watched, now practically seething at the half true accusations, as her rivals commercial continued.

"_Alex Cabot promises to be there for the working man, yet she voted NO on a bill that would increase welfare benefits to single working mothers…"_

"That bill would have increased it by less than one percent and it would have taken away ten percent of the money from education benefits!" Alex hissed angrily.

"Can we watch this in peace or are we gonna have to keep pausing it so you can tell us what everyone in this room already knows?" Chris asked dryly as he looked down at her, his eyes shining with a bit of annoyance.

Alex sighed heavily as she looked up at him. "Fine," she growled. "But if it mentions I don't have all that much experience, I'm out…"

Chris rolled his eyes but nodded none the less as he pushed play once more.

"_Alex Cabot says she's the face of 'new New York'-._"

"I told you that catch phrase was stupid," Alex muttered but Chris ignored her outburst this time.

"_But since she's never even held a political position above Senior DA, don't you think she's a little too 'new' to run the state of New York?"_

"Oh come on!" Alex shouted angrily. "That's a not even a fact, that's just an opinion!"

The commercial changed from Alex's angry black and white picture to a colored picture of the man running against her.

With his thinning white hair a bit fuller then what it was in real life, his light green eyes sparkling kindly and a huge smile on his slightly wrinkled face, sixty three year old Joseph Luciano walking with a smiling elderly woman down a back country road faded gently onto the screen and the music softened considerably.

"_Joseph Luciano has over forty years of experience serving the state of New York. He promises to never back down from his decisions, and to serve the people who can make New York what it should be, what it ought to be. He promises not to serve the men and women with the deepest pockets, but the working men and women of this great state who have the least to give but who gives the most."_

"What it should be and ought to be are the same things," Alex muttered bitterly.

"_So this November vote Joseph Luciano for New York State Senator. A promise… you can count on. I'm Joseph Luciano and I approve this message of hope."_

"What a crock of shit!" Alex shouted as she stood up from the floor. "That made him look like he's god damn Robin Hood and made me out to be the Sheriff of Nottingham!"

"He's a Democrat," Chris said with an eye roll as he stood up as well, running a hand through his neatly styled brown hair. "Did you really expect him to tell the truth?"

"It didn't give one redeeming fact about him except promises he doesn't intend to keep!"

"Alex, listen to me-." But before he could finish his thought three people all of a sudden came running up to her and pushed in front of him.

"Mrs. Cabot, Fox news is wondering when they can sit down with an interview for you."

"I told them I could get to them-."

"We just got in the CNN poll and you're behind by fifteen points! What's your comment on the matter, Mrs. Cabot?"

"That poll is just-."

"Mrs. Cabot, the rumors are still spreading that you and Olivia married just for the gay vote. It's all over the internet. Do you want to release a statement?"

"Mrs. Cabot, you need to release a press release in three days. What do you want to include in it?"

"Mrs. Cabot, that pink blouse you wore got you on US Weekly's worst dress list for last week, any comment on that?"

"Mrs. Cabot, what would you like for lunch?"

Alex let out a loud aggravated growl and without a single word she pushed through the crowds of people in her suite and grabbed the door handle and wrenched it open only to slam head first into someone.

Alex withheld a scream as she bounced off the person and fell to the floor. Alex groaned loudly as she felt a shooting pain up and down her leg.

"Are you okay?" the very familiar inquired softly.

Alex sighed and looked up at the person she had run into and couldn't even muster a grimace as she looked at her wife of fifteen years.

Olivia still looked just as beautiful to Alex as the day she had met the brunette detective. Her hair lost some of its luster and color but it was still soft and silky and Alex loved nothing more than running her fingers through it, not caring that every day she would find just one more gray hair.

The wrinkles on her face had grown more pronounced over the year but she was still amazingly beautiful and anyone could mistake her for a woman in her early fifties or even late forties instead of the 60 year old woman she really was and instead of her firm and tight size six body she had been when they met she had grown two sizes and her daily work outs came less and less frequently but she could still turn Alex on in a mere heart beat.

"Are you hurt?" Olivia asked as she held out a hand to help her up.

Alex gratefully took it and Olivia helped her off of the floor. "No I'm fine just a little stressed."

Olivia pulled her off of the carpeted floor and into her warm embrace.

Alex closed her eyes as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder, the strength to even lift her arms to embrace her forgotten. "I miss you," Alex muttered in her ear.

"I miss you too," Olivia mumbled back as she pulled away from the embrace and. "You were supposed to come back to New York yesterday…

"I know," Alex groaned loudly, "but you don't know how busy I am up here. Plus I got a press conference in a few days, Luciano is still making commercials making me look like some horrid monster, the rumors about us are still flying over the internet-."

"Which ones?" Olivia said with a smirk that Alex glowered at. "The one where you only married me to try to get the gay vote, the one where_ neither_ of us is gay and I'm just Lily's straight and single nanny who's the victim of a poor publicity stunt done to try to get the gay vote, or, and this is my personal favorite, the one where you married me because I'm a man who got you pregnant on a one night stand then decided to have a sex change which somehow still ends up with you trying to get the gay vote?"

"I'm glad you find people speculating and lying about our love life so funny," Alex grumbled. "Meanwhile I've actually got a team of people trying to disprove them, I got Fox news, MSNBC, Dateline, CNN, and Bill O' Riley all wanting to do interviews at the same time, the CNN poll say's I'm behind that Italian dick by fifteen points, I'm on the worst dressed list, I gotta choose what I want for lunch, my hotel bill is due and I JUST have enough to cover it meaning I have no idea what I'm gonna use for food money for my entire staff or how the hell I'm gonna pay next month's rent, I am sick to death of living with 15 other people in a single suite, and if I hear 'Mrs. Cabot' one more time I'm gonna quack!"

Before Olivia could speak the door opened and someone stuck their head out. "Mrs. Cabot, I need your signatures on some documents."

"Why don't you go back inside, okay?" Olivia told the innocent staff worker seeing Alex's eyes widen to the size of saucer plates and her face turned an angry beet red.

The staff worker swallowed hard at Alex's look and nodded before she ducked back inside and shut the door behind her.

Olivia turned to Alex and wasn't all that surprised to see her hands in fists and her entire body shaking and tears appear in her eyes.

"Baby, you gotta calm down," Olivia told her softly as she wrapped her arms around her waist and brought her closer. "All of this stress is killing you…"

Alex sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her face in an attempt to brush off the tears. "I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I'm breaking here, Liv. I don't want to do this anymore…"

"So don't," Olivia said quietly. "I know this is what you wanted all of your life, but your job is supposed to be something you love doing every day, not something you dread or hate doing or something that is gonna make you go crazy and shoot up an office building. Why don't we take a little vacation, okay?"

Olivia brought Alex in closer so that the two bodies were pressing up against one another. "Just you, me, and Lily. We can go to the Bahamas, lie on the white sandy beaches all day and get some of those ice cold fruity drinks with the little umbrellas in them. I mean you and me will get one, Lily will get a smoothie"

Alex closed her eyes and smiled lazily at Olivia's words. "Tell me more."

Olivia chuckled and kissed Alex softly on the lips. "After Lily's in bed, we can stroll down the beach for a little bit in the moonlight, just us two. Then we go back to our room…"

"And?" Alex moaned as Olivia's lips moved from her mouth to behind her ear, making the blonde weak in the knees.

"Then I lay you down on the soft king sized bed and start to take your clothes off incredibly slowly and I kiss you and run my tongue and hands over every square inch of your body and give you the most amazing pleasure you have ever experienced. Then we get up in the morning and do the same thing again day after day after day."

Alex groaned happily and shifted uncomfortably as she felt a warm wetness beginning to pool in between her legs. "That sounds beyond incredible… But I can't take a vacation like that when we're not even a month away from the election."

Olivia sighed and pulled her mouth away from Alex's skin to look at the blonde sadly. "I'm worried about you, Alex. You've lost weight, you look like death ran over twice, and I don't even want to think when the last time you got more than three hours of sleep was."

"September 23rd," Alex answered sadly. "And it was four hours…"

"And you haven't seen Lily in three weeks and I'm really worried about her too Alex. I think she's depressed. Not normal teenage depressed, but actually clinically depressed… She comes home from school and just goes into her room and listens to this music that makes me feel like_ I_ wanna kill myself.

She doesn't talk to anyone including me, she doesn't watch TV, she doesn't go online, she never talks on the phone, she isn't eating, and she's gonna be held back if she doesn't pick her grades up. She got three F's and two D's on her last report card. Plus…" Olivia looked down at the ground and shuffled uncomfortably. "We never spend any time together, Alex. I get that you're busy, I really do and I support you wanting to move up in the world, but we haven't even slept in the same bed for a month and I can't even remember the last time we had sex was."

"Olivia-,"Alex sighed sadly but Olivia interrupted her.

"I mean we've been married for fifteen years, I get it, some of the spark goes out, but I don't want us to turn into one of those old couples who never even speak to one another much less do anything together rather it be in the bedroom or anywhere else. We almost got a divorce after… well you know," Olivia muttered, feeling tears well in her eyes just at the mere thought of it as did Alex and Alex had to bite her tongue to keep from lashing out at Olivia for even mentioning the thing they had promised they would never mention again.

"Because you wouldn't talk to me after it happened," Olivia continued after she took a moment to compose herself. "I can't go through that again, Alex. I almost lost you once during our marriage I'm not doing it again…"

Alex groaned loudly and ran a hand through her hair in annoyance. "I don't want that either. And trust me I miss you and Lily more than anything. But I can't in Albany and in New York at the same time. And even if I brought you and Lily up here I still wouldn't have any time for you because I'm basically got fifteen people living in this suite with me."

"So get out of the suite," Olivia suggested. "Get your staff cheaper single rooms and you get a room without all the noise and stress and people around you twenty four seven."

"And where would I find that?" Alex asked bitterly. "Even if I did get away from everyone in this hotel room, I'd still have to pay rent and live away from my family."

A sly slow smile grew on Olivia's face. "Not necessarily…"

**October 13th, Lila and Max's house, 12:57 PM, Albany NY**

"_So this November vote Joseph Luciano for New York State Senator. A promise… you can count on. I'm Joseph Luciano and I approve this message of hope."_

"Dear lord, who on earth does that man think he is telling those ludicrous lies about Alexandra?" Lila snapped angrily as she turned the channel hastily. "I mean really, anyone with half a brain could understand WHY she did all of those things she did! Politicians are so underhanded these days!"

"Your daughter is a politician," Max said with a smirk.

Lila scoffed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "I meant the Democrats, darling, not the Republicans… Anyway _Alexandra_ has run a clean campaign, why can't he do the same?"

"She's told just as much dirt on Luciano as he's told on her," Max countered.

Lila gave him a narrow glower but he refused to back down from his statement. "And politicians are no more underhanded now then when I was running for the house."

"Well in any case," Lila began with a scoff as she turned her nose in the air in an aristocratic manner. "Luciano is nothing more than a-."

A loud beeping sound interrupted her followed by the smell of thick smoke.

"What on earth?" said Lila as she and Max got up from the couch and rushed towards the kitchen from where the sound and smell was coming from.

"Oh good heavens, Max!" Lila cried as they saw thick black smoke pouring out from one of the ovens.

Max ran forward and grabbed the fire extinguisher from the wall as well as a pot holder and gripped the ovens handle and yanked down the door.

"Whoa!" he shouted loudly as he jumped back away from the oven as thick black smoke and flames shot out from the depths of the oven.

He pulled the restraints off of the handle and pulled the trigger sending a spray of white foam in the oven, quickly dousing the flames and extinguishing the small fire.

Lila clutched her heart and clutched the wall for support. She looked like she had just survived an inferno.

She breathed heavily for a few moments before she cleared her throat and forced herself to straighten out. "James!" she shouted loudly. "Get down here right this instant!"

There was a bout of silence followed by footsteps coming from the upstairs, echoing in the large mansion.

Several seconds later James Fredrick, Max and Lila's butler for the past twenty seven years walked in. His gray hair was slicked back and the tux along with the apron he had been accustomed to wearing since the day he had started working there neatly pressed as usual.

"Yes, Mam?" he asked in confusion before he noticed the smoke still pouring out from the oven. "Good lord what happened in here?" he asked in astonishment as he went over and examined the inside of the black and charred oven.

"Whatever you put in the oven and forgot about nearly burnt the house down!" Lila snapped crossly. "All of us were lucky that Max was quick enough and quenched the inferno before it could do any serious damage!"

James turned to her and shook his head. "Mam, I assure you I had nothing cooking in the oven."

Lila scoffed in disbelief and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're the only other person living in the house so unless Max used the oven then-.

"Mam, YOU were the last one to use the oven," James interrupted. "You said you wanted to heat up some of the left over dinner as a snack."

"That's preposterous!" Lila said with a scoff. "I doubt I would have forgotten something in the oven long enough so that it burnt to a crisp!"

"Wait a moment, I forgot I was in here earlier and heated up myself up a little snack," Max said with a laugh. "Silly me."

"YOU did this Max?" asked Lila with a gasp. "Darling, you could have put us all in danger!"

"I know, and I'm so sorry, Lila, and to you too James," Max added as he turned to him and gave him a slightly pleading look with his eyes. "It must have just slipped my mind…"

James gave him a barely noticeable nod before he turned to Lila. "Now that you mention it, it WAS Mr. Cabot who was using the oven earlier. My sincere apologies, Mam."

Lila glowered at him and straightened out her shirt. "Well just remember to think next time before you accuse someone!"

"Of course, Mam."

With a hearty 'humph', Lila stormed back into the living room leaving the two men alone.

Max sighed heavily and pulled out a stool from the island and shook his head. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, James."

"Her memory's getting worse then, Sir?" James asked already knowing the answer.

Max nodded slowly. "Yesterday she asked me the same question three times in a row, and the day before that I caught her looking at Lily's picture and I swear, James, she looked like she was looking at a stranger instead of our granddaughter."

Max's voice began to break as he struggled to hold in tears. "I'm eighty five years old, James… When it starts getting really bad I know I won't be able to take care of her."

"You're more than wealthy enough to afford private care, Sir."

Max shook his head. "That's not the point… What kind of husband am I that I can't even take care of my own wife when she needs me the most? And what happens if I go before her? How do I know they won't start treating her with disrespect when there's no one around to look out for her?"

"She'll have me, Sir," James said with a kind smile. "I won't abandon either of you."

Max chuckled softly and clapped his old friend on the shoulder. "Thank you, James… that means a lot to me."

The two men smiled at one another before Max's cell rang.

He dug in his pants pocket and pulled out his cell before answering it and putting it to his ear.

"Max Cabot speaking," he told the person on the other line.

"Hi, Max, it's Olivia. How you doing?"

"I'm doing well," he lied, "How are you? How are Alex and Lily doing?"

There was a slight pause before Olivia answered. "Good. But anyway, I was calling because I needed a bit of a favor…"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no, everything's fine. It's just that, as you probably know, Alex is under a lot of stress and pressure with the campaign and living in the hotel away from me and Lily is just adding to everything to everything, and…well… we talked about it and we were wondering if the three of us could come up and live there for a while?"

"You mean come up to Albany to stay? For how long?"

"Until election night... It's just all of this stress is killing her and the hotel situation is just adding more stress and I thought this way she could get some privacy if she needed and would be eating home cooked meals and she could at least be with her family."

"What about Lily? Doesn't she have school?"

"She could transfer up there," Olivia told him. "Then depending on which way the election goes she transfers back to New York or she transfers to another school in Albany."

"What about your work?"

"I could take three months off and still not even make a dent in my vacation time. Plus like I said, depending on which way the election goes I could get a new job up in Albany anyway."

Max thought about it for a moment before he nodded. "Of course we wouldn't mind, Olivia. We'd love to have the three of you."

He could hear the smile in Olivia's voice and couldn't help but chuckle. "Thank you, Max! Thank you so much! We'll be up there tomorrow, is that okay?"

"That's perfect. I'll tell Lila and see you all tomorrow. Give Lily and Alex my love."

"Of course. Again thanks so much, Max. You don't know the good this will do her."

Then with a tiny beep signifying Olivia had hung up the phone Max put his phone back in his pocket and turned towards James with a beaming smile.

"What happened, Sir? Is everything okay?"

"James," Max said with a chuckle. "Prepare to meet the Bensons…"

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	2. Chapter 2

I own no one

A/N I'm pleased to announce that this story is officially planned out to the last chapter. Granted I was almost in tears (again) when I finished it but I give you the Bella gurentee that it will be AMAZINGLY dramatic, epic, intense, and just straight out fulll of awesome amazingness. Also got my soundtrack down for this story which is very important because I don't know about the rest of you but I can't write without music... ever. And when you find the perfect song to go along with the scene the writing just comes out so much smoother. Anyway, enough rambling, on with the story :)

October 13th, Theodore Roosevelt Middle School, 3:44 PM, Manhattan

"Ring! Come on ring!" Lily urged softly as she eyed the clock on the wall from the back of the room waiting for the last class of the day to be over not paying attention at to what the teacher was saying. Something about a test next Friday but she could have cared less about a test she knew she was going to fail.

Lily was practically shaking with anticipation as she saw the second hand inch closer to its intended goal.

"Miss. Benson, are you still with us?"

The calling of her name startled the young girl and she tore her eyes away from the clock and turned towards a stern middle aged teacher named Jean Seaford, the kind of teacher you knew not to talk back to and who wouldn't hesitate to remind her students how better well behaved her students used to be when she was allowed to strike them. "Well?"

Lily struggled to come up with some kind of answer but she came up empty. "I'm sorry what?"

There was muffled laughter from the students and Jean shook her head in disappointment. "See me after class, Miss. Benson."

Lily held back a low groan and simply nodded cursing herself for not paying attention as the loud shrill of the final bell echoed in the classroom moments later.

While other students eagerly grabbed their books and vanished out the class room as fast as they could Lily swallowed hard and grabbed her books and slowly made her way up to the front where Jean waited looking not only disappointed but annoyed as well.

"Miss. Benson," she began with a harsh scolding tone in her voice, "this is the third time this week alone I had to drag you out of whatever day dream you have in my class and your grades are reflecting this as well. You've failed every test so far and you turned in one piece of homework and you got a C minus on it."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Seaford" Lily told her trying to sound as honest as she could. "I just had a bad day today."

"It seems to me you're ALWAYS having bad days. And honestly with your situation at home I don't blame you. A stable environment involves a mother and a father. Not a mother and her 'partner'." Lily began to blush a deep red at her words.

She stared down at the floor and avoided Jeans eyes. Why did both of her parents have to show up to student teacher night? "However," Jean continued ignoring the look of embarrassment on her student's face, "that is no excuse for your work to be poor. Either you pick up your grades and soon or I'll be making a personal phone call to your mother and whatever the brunette who lives with you calls herself. Do I make myself clear, Miss. Benson?"

Lily nodded and felt a painful lump in her throat. "Yes, mam."

"Good. You're free to go."

Without another word Lily hurried out of the classroom and made her way to her locker. The halls were still crowded with students who were either waiting for their club meeting, had sports practice, or who just were lingering around with nothing else to do.

Lily managed to push by the crowds of students and managed to make her way to her locker. She quickly entered the memorized combination and opened the thin metal door.

She had just put away her history book and grabbed her jacket out from the hook when she heard someone from behind her call her name.

"Hey, Lily!"

Lily almost dropped the jacket to the floor before she turned around and saw a small group of boys from her class with Britney, Andrea, and a boy named Thomas in the center with all looking smug and they all seemed to be withholding laughs.

With a quick jerk of his head Lily swallowed her fear before she walked over to them.

"So um… we were all just kind of wondering something," said Thomas and Lily could see the group struggling not to laugh.

"What?" she asked as she casually pushed a piece of stray hair away from her face.

His smile grew bigger and the other group member's laugh began to escape their throats. "We were uh, we were just uh… oh Christ, Britney, I'm gonna get AIDS or some shit," Thomas complained as he turned to one of his friends.

"Just do it!" Britney encouraged with a giggle as she pushed him towards Lily who had to take a step back to avoid him running into her.

Thomas sighed heavily before he turned back to Lily who was striving not to appear hurt at his words.

He simply looked at her before he grabbed her by the shoulders and yanked her against him before he kissed her hard on the lips. It was her first kiss.

Lily let out a muffled scream only to be pushed away moments later. She fell to the floor and landed hard on her wrist.

The broke out in raucous laughter with Britney and Andrea laughing the hardest. "You were right, Britney!" Thomas managed to yell through his laughter, "she DOES kiss like a dyke!"

"Well I knew she would," Britney's cruel voice rang out and Lily looked up from the floor to see the blonde standing before looking down at her with an expression of triumph on her face. "She was raised by fags after all!"

Tears flooded her eyes as the laughter now seemed to surround her. Still laughing cruelly, Britney began to walk away but not before making sure her high heel Prada shoe crashed against Lily's face.

Lily let out a cry of pain and her hand flew to her face. There was going to be a bruise there.

Without another word Lily picked herself up from the floor and ran down the hall not even bothering with her bag or closing her locker.

She ran into several people but she didn't stop for apologies until she finally managed to get outside into the open air.

Lily ran as fast as she could away from the school as her tears flooded her eyes. She didn't stop until she was two blocks away from the school. When she finally stopped she collapsed against a building and sank down its hard brick wall letting out heart wrenching sobs that rocked her body.

"Why can't they be normal?" she whispered through her sobs. "Why can't they just wanna be normal…?"

Several minutes and five random strangers asking if she was alright who got no response other then 'please go away' later her sobs subdued to a cry and then finally to silent tears.

She picked herself up from the ground and brushed the dirt from her outfit before she tenderly touched the spot where Britney had kicked her. She flinched in pain and pulled her hand away from the bruised skin quickly.

She took a deep breath to compose herself she began to make her way to the bus station a block away.

October 13th, Alex and Olivia's Brownstone, 4:23 PM

Lily walked into her house slightly surprised to find the front door unlocked.

"Mama?" she called out as she threw her jacket onto the hook beside the door.

"In my room, Lily," Olivia's voice called back.

"Is Mom here too?" Lily asked as she began her ascent up the steps to her parent's room.

"Nope, but I have some great news regarding her. Come up here so I can talk to you."

"She'd dropping out of the race?" Lily muttered just soft enough so that Olivia couldn't hear her as she reached her parent's bedroom.

Lily raised a brow in puzzlement as she saw two large suit cases on the bed. One was closed and Lily could see clothes bulging out of the sides and Olivia was grabbing several things out of the closet and returning them to the bed where she began taking the hangers off of them.

"What's going on?" Lily asked as she walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Olivia turned to her with a smile but her smile faded the moment her eyes landed on the unattractive bruise on her daughters face. "What happened?"

"I fell," muttered Lily as she steered clear of Olivia's eyes.

Olivia sighed heavily and went over to her and kneeled down in front her and lifted her head so that her eyes met her. "Tell me the truth, Lily," said Olivia softly. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Lily told her but the slight break in her voice gave away her lie. "I'm fine, Mama."

Olivia gently pushed a piece of stray hair away from her face feeling her heart ache for her daughter. She knew she was in pain and it was killing Olivia that Lily wasn't letting her do anything for her. "Honey, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's hurting you."

"Nothing is hurting me!" Lily pleaded but again she felt tears well in her eyes and she hastily wiped them away. "Mama, please just drop it."

"Lily, please-."

"You said you had good news. What was it?"

Olivia looked over her for a moment. She knew she was lying but unless Lily told her what was wrong then she couldn't do anything for her as much as she wanted to.

Finally Olivia nodded in acceptance before she stood back up and sat down beside her on the bed. "You know that your mom is staying up in Albany in that hotel room with about fifteen other people?"

Lily nodded and Olivia continued. "And you know that she's under a whole lot of stress with the election and that the hotel is just adding to that? You also know how much she misses us and wants to be with us right? "

"Yeah."

"Well I went up to visit her today and we both decided that it would be a good idea if the three of us stayed with your grandparents in their house until the election is over."

Lily's eyes widened in wonder at her mother's words. "Are you serious? We're leaving Manhattan? I'm getting out of this school?"

A bright smile lit up Lily's face. They were leaving Manhattan; she was getting out of that school forever. She'd never have to go back to that hell on earth. Britney O'Halloren would be a thing of the past; she would never again have to face the cruel pranks and words that were thrown at her day after day.

"Only for a little while," Olivia corrected her. "You'll be going to school up in Albany while we're there. Then depending on if she wins the election then we'll get another house and you'll be transferred to another school in Albany and if she loses then we'll come back here and you'll go to the same school you're going to now."

The young girl's heart sank. She had a chance to get out of the school forever, out of torment forever and Olivia was saying that it was only a 50/50 chance. She wouldn't go back to that school. She couldn't…

"I can't go back to that school!" Lily cried as she jumped off of the bed.

"Lily, what's the matter?" Olivia asked as she looked at her outburst in shock.

Lily let out a sob and didn't even bother wiping the tears away. "Mama, please don't make me go back there! Please!"

"It all depends on the election. Honey, please tell me what's wrong!" Olivia pleaded as her own tears filled her eyes.

Letting out another sob that cut through Olivia like physical pain Lily ran out of the room.

"Lily, wait!" Olivia cried as she got up and ran after her but Lily had shut and locked the door to her own bedroom before Olivia could reach it.

Olivia knocked slowly on the door. "Lily, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Why can't you go back there?"

But her only response was loud music being played through the speakers in her room.

Olivia sighed and rested her head against the door. "Talk to me," she whispered so faintly she knew Lily couldn't hear it over the music.

Inside her room Lily rushed over to her closet and wrenched the doors open. She walked in and fell on her knees. She moved the numerous boxes and piles of shoes until she reached the far darkened corner where a jacket she hadn't worn in years laid crumpled on the floor in the smallest heap she could manage to get it in.

She grasped the jacket and pulled it out from the confines of her large closet and clutched it tight to her chest.

She went over and laid down on top of the bed and curled herself into a ball. Her cries unrecognizable over the music she was playing loudly.

With a shaking hand she unzipped the pocket and pulled out its only contents. A sharp steak knife she had bought about a month ago for ten dollars.

Lily looked at the knife as her tears turned silent. She looked at the gleaming and clean silver blade for a moment before she brought it to her wrist.

Her heart pounded hard against her chest and her breathing sped up to the point she thought she was going to pass out.

She tried to stop her hand from shaking as she began to press down. Not enough to break the skin but enough to feel a tiny pinch of pain.

Lily closed her eyes and struggled to press down even further. The music and every other sound shut itself off. She felt colder and more alone then she had ever felt before. Another half a centimeter and she would draw blood.

Suddenly a crippling paralyzing fear over took her and with a scream of fright her hand dropped to the bed, the knife falling out of her hand onto her comforter.

With a hysterical sob she collapsed against her pillow and sobbed into the soft fabric, hating her life, hating her parents, and hating the fact that she was too afraid to die today.

Olivia continued to fold her clothes and stuff them into the suit case a little harder than necessary her temper fuming with every article of clothing.

While she didn't know the specifics, she knew what the cause of the majority of Lily's problems in school was. She knew it was because she had her and Alex as parents instead of a mother and a father and it broke her heart and angered her beyond all belief that with money they easily had available to them the abuse could be stopped in a heartbeat.

They could pay to send her to a private school in Queens that was exclusive to students with same sex parents and she could not only finish out middle school there but high school as well. Sure the tuition was expensive not to mention the subway fare to and from Queens every day until Lily got a job of her own would start to get a little pricey but Olivia thought that it would be more than worth it if it meant she could see her daughter come home with a smile on her face.

Olivia had brought the idea up to Alex several times but each and every time Alex would tell her she wanted Lily to have a 'real' high school experience and that how would Lily ever learn to get along with others with different opinions if they simply shipped her off to school with like minded people.

While Olivia hated even thinking this about her wife she always had an inkling in the back of her mind that she wouldn't let Lily go to the same sex school because it would have looked bad for the campaign to send her daughter off to an exclusive school where only children of same sex parents could go. Another private school sure, but not one that made it seem she was favoring homosexuals.

However one day when Lily came home sporting a black eye and a busted lip caused by some of her class mates that Lily refused to name after Olivia threatened to go down and arrest them she had taken Lily down to register that day without Alex's consent much less knowing about it. Lily had relished at the idea of transferring to that school but the administrator said that they needed both parents consent and Alex refused to give in so she was forced to go back to the school she hated day after day.

Olivia had just begun to fold some of her hooded sweatshirts when the door downstairs opened and shut and footsteps began walking up the steps.

She didn't bother to even question the intruder. She could tell from the expensive and subtle cologne exactly who it was and the moment the smell reached her nose she let out a loud groan in hopes that the person coming closer would get the message and leave without saying a word to her.

It didn't work.

"You know," said Chris as he came into the bedroom and leaned up against the open door frame not hiding the anger in his voice. "I get you wanting to spend time with Alex, I really do. I'm neglecting my own family in order to help her win this election. I ignore both of my sons as well as my daughter and my ex wife's lawyer. But when you and her decide not only to move out of a place I have access to her any time day or night-."

"There's this wonderful thing called knocking and asking before you enter," Olivia said dryly as she looked over at the man she had disliked from the moment Alex had introduced her to him. "You should try it some time."

Chris chuckled before he walked into the bedroom. "In case you've forgotten, Liv,"

"Olivia."

"_Liv_."

Olivia turned to glower at him and he chuckled at the hate filled look in her eyes. She wasn't sure if he was actually unintimidated by her or if it was just a mask but whatever it was he succeeded in annoying her beyond all comparison.

She turned back to her clothes and continued to fold them with a big more anger then she had before. He walked up to her and stood behind her and grabbed a picture of a smiling Alex off of Olivia's bed stand. "Until November eighth," he continued as he ran his fingers affectionately over the picture of the blonde. "Me and her will be more of a couple then you two will."

Olivia snatched the picture away from him and glared at him as she placed the photo face down on the bed. "Sorry, Kempton, but I got the ring," she gloated as she put her hand containing her golden wedding band in his face. "I've had it for the last fifteen years and I intend to keep it on me until I'm buried as does she. So I don't know where this whole 'more of a couple then me and her' come from. After all I'm her first and only wife and you're what? Sloppy thirds when it comes to campaign managers?"

Chris scowled at Olivia for a moment before she none to gently pushed him out of the way and opened her bed side drawer and reached way in the back before she grabbed a small wooden decorated box.

He looked over her shoulder as she opened the top and saw that its contents were filled with various pictures. Some that looked over twenty years old, some looked as new as if they were taken yesterday but was even more interesting was the fact that she grabbed all of the pictures out of it and put them down on the bed none to caringly before she reached back in and grabbed a black and white sonogram picture that looked not only several years old but looked like it had been looked at more times than any other picture Chris had ever seen.

"You kept Lily's sonogram picture all these years?" Chris asked as he suddenly snatched the picture out of Olivia's hand. "That's so cute."

"Give it back!" Olivia screamed as she twisted around and made a move to grab the picture but Chris backed up and held it out of her reach.

"Calm down!" he demanded, his eyes wide with astonishment that she had reacted so strongly. "How many of these do you have anyway?" he said with a scoff as he brought it down and examined it more closely.

Olivia ran a shaking hand through her hair as he looked at the picture and mystification was evident in his features.

"Why the hell is this marked only eight years ago?" he asked as he examined the picture more closely making sure he was reading the date right. "Isn't Lily thirteen?"

"She's twelve and it's… it's not Alex's!"

"Then why does the name say 'Cabot, Alex'?"

Olivia swallowed the hard lump in her throat as she put her hand out. "Chris, please," pleaded Olivia as her eyes filled with tears. "That sonogram means the world to me and it's very private. Please give it back…"

Chris raised a brow in confusion but ultimately handed the picture back to Olivia who put it securely back in the box before she wrapped the box up in one of her shirts and put it gently in the suit case. "I have a feeling there's something that you and Alex are keeping from me."

"You can't tell Alex I have this," said Olivia as she closed the suitcase. "Please."

"Why?"

"You just can't. Chris, if you even have a twinge of a heart you'll do this for me and you won't tell Alex I have this sonogram picture."

Chris sighed heavily and sat down on the bed. "You know," he mused, "I could be a prick and ask for something in return…"

Olivia glowered at him as he pretended to look torn. "Be nice to a woman who clearly hates me or make you do something for me so that you don't get in trouble with Alex but will get me in good with Alex."

"How about you keep your mouth shut about me having that picture and I don't cut off that tiny stump of flesh you call a penis with a rusty spoon?"

"What picture, I never saw any picture, why would I tell Alex about a picture I don't even know exists?" he said with an uneasy laugh as he covered his manhood with his quivering hands.

Olivia chuckled smugly as she turned back to her suitcase. "Oh yeah," she thought to herself as she locked the suitcase shut. "I still got it…"

October 13th, Lila and Max's house, 6:13 PM, Albany NY

"James, sit down and join us," Max offered as he walked past him and Lila who were sitting contently eating their dinner. "Plenty of room at the table."

James opened his mouth to speak before Lila interrupted.

"Darling, I thought I said no help at the dinner table?" Lila reminded her husband as she took a bite of food. "It looks tacky. And, James, since you're not doing anything constructive go and fetch me some more tea. I don't know what on earth is happening to your cooking skills lately but this chicken is drier then a bone."

"Mam, you've always said my chicken is as dry as a bone," James said with a hint of exasperation.

"You think you would remember to actually baste it then wouldn't you? Now go get me my drink. You get paid to serve, not to stand around and do nothing," Lila said with an annoyed roll of her eyes.

James forced a smile on his face as he gave a tiny bow. "Right away, Mam, as soon as I turn down the sheets in the guest rooms."

Lila wrinkled her brow in confusion. "Why are you cleaning up the guest room? Who are we having over? Max, I swear if your mother is coming over then I'm staying at the Astoria until she leaves. Goodness knows who on earth can stand that woman. No offense, darling but your mother is a daughter in law's worst nightmare."

Max bit his tongue in an attempt not to tell Lila that his mother had died almost eighteen years ago. James, who also knew very well that Rosalie Cabot was dead widened his eyes in astonishment and opened his mouth to tell her that exact face but Max cleared his throat in an attempt to subtly tell him not to tell her the truth.

"No, Lila, it's not my… my mother, god rest her soul," he added in a quiet murmur so that Lila couldn't hear the blessing. "But Alex, Lily, and Olivia are going to be staying with us until the election is over. They'll be here some time tomorrow. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn't think you'd mind. I mean Olivia sounded desperate on the phone and you know just as much as me how much stress an election can put on a family. "

Lila opened her mouth to presumingly tell Max off for telling them they could come without so much as even talking to her about it. But when she closed her mouth, Max was more than surprised when tears appeared in her eyes.

Without a single word to either Max or James she pushed away from the table and walked away, her heels echoing on the linoleum floor.

"I'm sorry about the mother comment, Sir," James told him the moment Lila was out of the room.

"Its fine, James," Max said with a sad smile as he got up from the table. "But I better go talk to her and find out what I did wrong. My back can't take a night on the couch."

"Do you really think after all these years of marriage she'd threaten you with a night on the couch?"

Max scoffed in amazement. "I can't remember a time when she stopped using that threat."

With a quiet laughter Max left the room. He didn't see her anywhere in the vast living room so he went up the stairs and was astounded to hear soft crying coming from their bedroom.

With a gentle knock he stuck his head in the room to find Lila sitting on the edge of the bed with a picture in her hand.

"Darling, I'm sorry," Max apologized as he came into the room. "I didn't know having them come over would upset you so much. If it bothers you I'll… I'll call them back and tell them not to come."

He silently began hoping that she wouldn't tell him to do what he had just offered. He knew the stress both Alex and Olivia were under and then some. He couldn't turn his daughter and her family away.

Lila shook her head and sniffed. "It's not th-; it's not that, Max. I don't care if they come here or not, I honestly don't. In fact I'm surprised that Alexandra waited this long to drop by. But…"

A fresh batch of tears made their way down the wrinkled face and Max went over and sat beside her and wrapped her arms around her and more tears leaked out as she laid her head down on his shoulder.

"Tell me what's wrong," he pleaded softly as he rubbed her back tenderly.

Lila took a shuddering breath as she handed him the picture she was looking at before he came in.

Max took it and looked at it in confusion. It was the framed picture taken two years ago of a smiling but formally dressed Alex and Olivia at a NYPD benefit that had previously been on the top of the mantel.

"Why did you take down the picture?" asked Max with a frown. "This is the only one of them you said didn't look 'pro rainbow' as you so loving call every picture where they're actually making physical contact with one another."

"When you mentioned they were coming over to stay," Lila began with new batch of tears. "I… I… Oh, Max, I couldn't remember who Olivia was!"

Max's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open some at Lila's confession.

Lila let out a sob and Max embraced her fondly.

"I know I'm supposed to remember her, but it's getting harder and harder every day to remember the important people in my life. People I've known for almost sixteen years. I'm scared, Max," she whispered through her sobs. "What if… oh god, Max, what if I forget my own daughter or you or Lillian? Or even James for that matter? I don't want to forget my own family."

"I promise you won't, darling," Max promised as he closed his eyes as his own tears leaked out at his wife's admission knowing that it was an empty promise. "I promise you won't…"


	3. Chapter 3

I own no one but my own people

**October 14th, En Route to Lila and Max's house, 3:52 PM, Albany NY**

"No back talking, no slouching, no cursing, no gambling, no talking about Sarah Palin's impeachment, no-"

"Mom, relax, I've met them before," Lily reminded her from the back seat as they pulled up to a toll booth.

"Honey, I wasn't talking to you," Alex said as she eyed Olivia wearily as her wife handed the man the correct change. "But no biting, no kicking, no hitting, no gambling, no-."

"Alex, will you relax?" said Olivia exasperated as she pulled away from a tiny booth. "It won't be the first time I met them you know."

"It will be the first time you ever went up to their house though. I just want everything to go smoothly."

"When have things NOT gone smoothly involving me and your parents?"

Alex looked at her as if she had grown three heads. Olivia cleared her throat loudly. "You know… within the last year I mean. And you have to admit we have come a long way since we first met and they thought I was some poor, single, straight, Republican detective."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked as she put the book she had been reading the entire trip down on the seat beside her. "Why would she think that about you?"

Alex scoffed loudly and turned back to face her. "It would take over a year to tell you all of the drama involved with these two. They absolutely hated each other when they first met."

"And whose fault was that?" Olivia commented casually as she took the first turn. "Who lied about to them about every single thing about me? Who sided with her mother on everything she said and let her treat me like garbage? Who slapped me after I almost outed her because she was too afraid to tell her mother she was a lesbian? Who-."

"Why don't we save that story for another day?" said Alex with a weak chuckle as she turned away from Lily's wide eyes. "Take this next right and it'll be the first house on the left."

A smug smile graced Olivia's face as she followed Alex's instructions. She made the necessary turn and both Lily and Olivia gasped at the house that Alex instructed them to pull into.

"It's huge!" Lily exclaimed as her eyes raked over the mansion. "And I thought our house was big!"

Olivia was having a similar reaction. "I knew your parents were loaded but damn!"

Alex chuckled as she too let her eyes settle on the large house she had grown up in. It had four stories and was easiest the biggest house on the street. Marble white pillars held up the elongated porch while the rest of the house was made of faded red brick but still looked well cared for.

Large white windows, some with white curtains pulled over them to prevent others from looking into the confines of the home, was placed every few feet on the first three stories. The slanted roof was made up of dark red shingles with not a single one missing or out of place.

"You actually grew up here, mom?" Lila asked in awe as Olivia turned off the car.

Alex nodded as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "Yup. Eighteen years spent at this exact same house."

"So freaking lucky," muttered Lily. "Why can't we live someplace like this?

"Lily, we live in a two story brownstone in Manhattan. It's not like we live in a shack or some tiny studio apartment."

"But they have a pool. We have to pay 80 dollars a summer for our passes to the public pool."

Alex rolled her eyes but kept any other spoken thoughts about their living situation to herself.

Olivia chuckled as she got out of the car. She threw the keys into her purse and walked over to Lily who was getting her back pack out from the back seat.

"You know, Lily. If your mom wins the election then maybe we can move someplace with our own pool."

Lily twisted around and Olivia held back a groan when she saw her eyes widen. "Are you serious? We're getting a pool?"

"Why do you always jump to conclusions?" Alex asked as she went to the trunk and got out some of the bags. "She said 'if' I win then 'maybe' we'll get one."

A slight blush broke out on Lily's face as she looked down at the ground. "Sorry," she muttered.

Alex ignored her apology as she did Olivia's tiny glare towards her.

"You ready?" asked Alex with a hint of fright.

"Christ, Alex, I'm expecting a giant flaming head with an old man behind a green curtain when we get in there the way you're acting. They've been over to our house a lot of times. Why would this be any different?"

Alex simply looked at her for a moment. "It's different because we're on _her_ territory now. We're behind enemy lines."

"Forgive me I didn't realize we were at war."

Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's statement before they walked down the long gravel pathway.

"Remember to be respectful, Lily," Alex muttered softly as they reached the porch. "No back talk."

"But mama said that-."

"You should be very respectful to all times no matter what leaves your grandmother's mouth. Thank you for remembering, Lily," interrupted Olivia with a forced chuckle that Alex saw right through.

Alex glared at Olivia for a moment before she turned back to the door and rang the door bell.

"Here we go," breathed Alex as the door was opened by James.

He smiled at the blonde and Alex couldn't help but grin back. "Mrs. Cabot! How nice to see you again!"

"James, please none of that Mrs. Cabot stuff. Call me Alex," Alex corrected with a smile as she threw open her arms and hugged the older man around the neck who quickly hugged her as well.

"I can't believe how long it's been," James said as they released the embrace. "Your parents always go to visit you and you never come up here. Why is that?"

"We're both busy with work. Olivia's on call seven days a week, Lily's got school, I'm Senior DA for Manhattan… it's just easier if they come down to visit us."

James nodded in understanding. "Of course, Alex, I completely understand. Won't you please come in?"

With a much bigger smile on her face then she had on previously; the tiny family walked into the large house. James closed the door behind them and turned to Olivia with a grin.

"And you must be the famous Olivia Benson I've heard so much about."

Olivia cocked a brow in confusion before James cleared his throat and looked at her with the same look. "Although I will say, Mrs. Benson, I have no idea what Mrs. Cabot was talking about. Those clothes seem perfectly acceptable for a detective much less a homeless woman on crack."

"A wardrobe joke… I've got to admit I haven't heard one of those in a while," Olivia said with a tiny nod and a small chuckle. "But please call me Olivia."

"Of course. And this must be Lillian."

"Lily," she corrected with a tiny smile.

"You know, Lily, I must say I've seen pictures of you and you are looking more and more like your mother every day."

"Now if you could only specify which one we would be all set," came a voice from the doorway behind them.

They all turned and saw Lila and Max standing there with smiles on both of their faces.

"Grandma!" Lily shouted joyfully as she ran up to Lila and hugged her tightly.

Lila took a small step to gain her footing before she hugged her back.

Lila forced a smile on her face but all of them could see that it was forced. They also saw a sliver of confusion as well. "Oh it's so good to see you… darling."

Alex and Max's eyes met for a moment before they turned back to the two.

After another moment Lily pulled away from Lila and turned to Max who forced a smile on his face. "Hey, Lily, how you doing?"

"… Good," Lily said with an air of falsehood as she hugged him tightly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Lily," he said as he hugged her back.

It lasted for only moments as well and she pulled out of his hold and it was only then that they noticed the bruise on her face.

"Lily, what happened? How did you get that bruise?" asked Max.

Lily looked down at the ground and cleared her throat. "I fell," she muttered softly, the soft flame of excitement and joy that came from seeing her grandparents extinguished.

"It looks like you fell onto someone's shoe," Lila said as she turned Lily's face towards her before examining it more closely. "Lillian, what happened?"

Max let out a tiny breath of air as he heard Lila remember his granddaughter's name. Lila had never called her 'darling' in any time that they had ever met her. It had and always will be 'Lillian', despite the protests from both Olivia and Lily.

Olivia clapped her hands loudly to save her daughter any more embarrassment as she walked over to the three of them.

"Lila, how are you?" Olivia asked as she gave the older woman a swift one armed hug.

"As well as can be expected. Yourself?" Lila asked as she gave Olivia the smallest embrace she could manage.

"I'm doing good. Still working, unfortunately," she said with a small chuckle.

"What do you mean 'unfortunately'?" Lila asked. "Are you unhappy with your job?"

"No, I love my job," replied Olivia.

"Then why is it unfortunate you're still working?"

"I… it was just a joke, Lila."

"I don't see how unemployment could be a joking matter especially when this country is in the recession it's in. I'm sure that there are hundreds of people who would love to get the money of a veteran detective who wouldn't find your work 'unfortunate'."

"No no. I um, I just meant that there's still crime going on so I still have to work… it was a joke… 'Cause if there were no more crime I'd be out of a job… so it- it's unfortunate I have to work… because there's still crime…"

Olivia's voice trailed off and she turned to Max who shook his head and let out a small chuckle. "Oh, Olivia, I missed you."

Olivia turned his attention to Max and gave him a small smile. She gave him the same affectionate hug that she gave Lila before she took a step back.

"So how's everything been going with you two?" Alex asked as she came up and gave both affectionate hugs.

"Just fine," Max replied. He turned towards the bags that Alex had brought in and motioned to James. "Me and James can take the stuff up to the rooms if you guys wanna follow us. Then around seven we're going out for dinner."

"Oh, Max, don't. That's what he gets paid for," said Lila with a scoff. "Good heavens, the way you act people would mistake you for the help. It's such vile, disgusting, degrading work I don't know WHO in their right minds would volunteer for that type of labor. Oh, Olivia, James is getting a bit on in age, would you mind helping him with the bags?"

Olivia looked at her for a moment before she forced a smile that looked more like a grimace on her lips. "Sure… why not?"

Lily gaped at Olivia in astonishment. Alex cleared her throat and went over as well. "I'll grab some too. There's not a lot there anyway and we could get it done in one trip. Lily, come help."

Lila went over and grasped Alex by the shoulders. "Oh, Alee, they're fine. I'm sure they can handle it themselves."

The room was quickly brought into a stunned silence. Olivia and Lily both looked at Lila like she had a third head. Alex and Max simply looked heartbroken.

After a moment Alex turned to Max. She couldn't even attempt to fake a smile. "Dad, can I see you outside for a bit?"

Max nodded wordlessly. Alex looked back at Olivia and Lily who both had a look of confusion carved on their faces. "Can you guys help James with the bags and James will you show them around?"

Olivia nodded. "Sure… come on, Lily, grab your stuff."

Lily gave Lila a final look of puzzlement before she went over to the pile of bags and grabbed her own duffel bag and back pack.

Alex walked out of the living room and through the kitchen. Max followed wordlessly as Alex led him to the back patio; shutting the door behind him.

"Why didn't you tell me she got this bad?" Alex demanded in a hushed tone. "You said she wasn't that far gone!"

"She's not!" replied Max. "It's not… it's not that bad, Alex! You're making a big deal out of nothing!"

"Forgetting your granddaughters and daughters name is nothing? On the phone you make it sound like she was just beginning to forget where she put her car keys!"

Alex sighed and shook her head. "Dad, you need to seriously think about putting her in a home or hiring somebody to help her."

"No! I'm not going to do that to her! Your mother is perfectly fine!"

"And what about Uncle Charles? Did him forgetting to turn off the stove and ended up killing his granddaughter in a fire 'perfectly fine'? What if she does that with Lily, Olivia, and me here? Hell what if she does it with just you and James?"

"Lila wouldn't do that!"

"Not intentionally!" Alex shouted louder then she had intended. "But, Dad, she's sick! She needs to get help!"

"She doesn't… she doesn't have Alzheimer's!" Max protested. Alex was astounded to see tears appear in his eyes. "She's just… older and forgets things. It's perfectly normal!"

"It's normal for her to forget where she forgot her keys or what she ate for breakfast; not her daughter and granddaughters name! Her family has a documented history of Alzheimer's! I'd be surprised if she didn't have it."

"Well it skipped her then!"

Alex looked at him in utter confusion. "Why are you so against saying she's sick? "

"Because if she has it, it means you and Lily could have it when you're older!"

Alex's face softened as Max hastily wiped his eyes. "I don't ever want to think of you forgetting your daughter or Olivia or us or your memories. And I don't want that for Lily either."

Alex felt her own tears collect in her eyes as she listened to Max's explanation of why he was so against labeling Lila with the disease. It meant that she and Lily could suffer the same fate in their old age.

She ran a hand through her hair as she wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you felt that way. I just… she's sick, Dad. You know it, I know it, and pretty soon Olivia and Lily will know it too."

"I just… I can't stand knowing that there's a chance you and Lily could end up forgetting everything or admit that your mother is losing her memories as well."

Alex nodded. "Yeah there's a chance me and Lily could have Alzheimer's. So what? It's not going to affect ether of us for a while and you won't be around to see it if it does. You can pass on thinking that we're both perfectly fine, coherent and with our memories firmly intact.

Plus the records at the donor's office said that Lily's father for all intents and purposes had zero family history of Alzheimer's so there's a chance she could not get it. Plus if it happens it happens, if it doesn't great. If it does then me and my family will deal with it."

Max took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right… to an extent. But I'm just… I'm not ready to tell her she needs help. Lila's a very independent woman, Alex. I know what I should do… but I can't bring myself to do it. Plus she could get better. If she really worked at it then she could get some of her memories back."

Alex sighed heavily at his words. She shook her head in disappointment. "Fine… I mean you do what you want think is right. I don't want to spend my entire time here arguing."

"Alex, please try to understand-."

"I'm done, dad," she interrupted. "You think you can take care of her by yourself then by all means do so. I'm not gonna argue or try to stop you."

With a slight scowl on her face she opened the door and walked back into the house leaving her father standing there alone with tears in his eyes.

* * *

"So this is where you'll be staying, Lily," James informed Olivia and Lily as he turned on the light switch besides the door.

It was a cozy warm inviting room with light blue walls and several calm and serene paintings on the wall. A full sized bed with a comforter to match the color of the walls stood against the wall along with a wooden bedside table while a dark red wooden dresser and a door that led to a large walk in closet stood at the opposite end. There was a full length antique mirror on one wall with a vanity one side and a desk that had a small white working lamp on the other.

"Oh this is definitely cool," Olivia said as they walked into room noticing Lily was looking very skeptical as she looked around the room. "Look at that, Lily; you have you own desk to do homework, a place to plug in your radio, a nice big closet that's probably bigger than the one you have in Manhattan…"

"And your own bathroom," James added as he motioned to the other door in the room.

"You always said you wanted your own bathroom," Olivia with much too enthusiasm. "I have a feeling you're gonna love it here."

"I'm sure," Lily answered with a fake smile. Olivia could see the sadness shine in her eyes. "This is gonna be great."

Olivia bit her lip before turning to James. "You mind taking the other bags to mine and Alex's room?"

James eyes widened. "You mean you two are planning on sleeping in the same room?"

"We've been married for fifteen years… I'd say that us sleeping in the same bed would have been a 'give me'."

"Oh I'm sorry. Mrs. Cabot instructed me that you two would be in separate quarters but no matter. It makes things easier for me to clean anyhow."

Olivia withheld a scowl and an eye roll as she nodded. "Thanks, James. I'll meet you in there in a minute."

"Of course, Olivia."

With a small sweeping bow James left the two alone in the room.

"Lily, what's the matter?" Olivia asked the moment the door had shut. "Ten minutes ago you were over the moon excited to be staying here and now you look like you wanna cry."

Lily shrugged and cast her eyes to the floor.

"A shrug is not the answer I'm looking for, Lily. Please talk to me," Olivia pleaded.

"I don't know," Lily muttered softly. "It's just… I wanna go home. I thought it would be fun but now all I wanna do is go home."

Olivia sighed and walked over to her and bent down in front of her so she was eye to eye with her. "Lily, we need this. Not just me and your mom, but all of us. We don't talk anymore, you don't talk to me or mom or anyone for that matter, she hardly sees you… We just really need to be together right now. I know it's pretty crappy timing with the election but if spending a few weeks away from the hotel and away from her staff does it for her mom then okay, if taking you out of that shit hole of a school then fine, if I have to take a month off from work then whatever. But I'm not gonna let this family fall apart and I'll do whatever it takes to keep us together."

Lily wiped at the tears that had begun to fall and she sniffed softly. "Alright; and I'm sorry."

"You should be," Olivia said in mock anger. "You get your own freaking bathroom and I just had to convince the butler to let me and your mom sleep in the same room. ONG, you're like sooo lucky!"

"It's O_M_G," Lily said with a miniscule smile.

Olivia quickly pointed to it. "Ah ha! I just solved one of my biggest cases!"

"What?"

"I found your smile! I knew I'd find it eventually! A few more days of missing it and I would have had to call in the K9 unit! And trust me you wouldn't want those dogs sniffing around your face. The owners don't brush their teeth all that often."

She let out a tiny Laugh and Olivia stood up and threw her hands in the air in fake astonishment. "Holy moly I found your laugh too! I knew they should have promoted me to captain instead of Munch! I'm on a role today!"

Lily rolled her eyes and Olivia was ecstatic to see her smile grow even more. "So how about you start putting your stuff away, and then start getting ready for dinner and I'll go look for your grandmother's personality and hope I have the same luck."

Lily let out another laugh and Olivia was practically beaming down at her.

"I love you so much, Lily," Olivia said as she pushed a piece of hair away from Lily's face.

"I love you too, Mama."

Olivia swelled up with pride at the words as she grinned at Lily before she left the room; shutting the door behind her.

* * *

Alex stormed up the steps trying to calm herself down before she ran into another member of her family.

She couldn't imagine going through what Max was feeling at the moment but it annoyed her beyond belief that he wasn't going to get Lila the help she needed because he didn't want to admit that she was sick.

Alex took a heavy breath as she turned to go into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face in an attempt to calm down. The door bell rang and Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion. She listened as she heard someone; she presumed it was Max, walk across the floor and opened the door.

"Hello, sir. I'm told that Alex Cabot is staying here?"

"Chris?" Alex muttered softly as she ran towards the voice. Sure enough when she looked down the stairs and there was her campaign manager standing at the door with a stack of folders in his arms.

She raced down the steps and he beamed when he saw her. "Hey, Alex. What's going on?"

"Trying to get settled in," she replied as she and Max ignored one another's eyes. "What are you doing here? I thought I would have had at least an hour before you showed up."

Chris shrugged and Alex couldn't help but grin sheepishly at the crooked smile on his face. "What can I say; I couldn't stand being away from the future NY state senator."

Alex laughed at his words before she motioned to the living room. "Do you wanna come in?"

Chris nodded and Max stepped out of the way so that Chris could enter the house. He glared at him behind his back as he shut the door behind him.

"So what was so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

Chris held up the stack of files. "Paperwork that needs to be submitted by Wednesday. Thought I'd be nice and drop it off instead of make you come to the office or the hotel."

Alex smiled at him as he handed off the files. "Thanks, Chris. That was really sweet."

Chris beamed at the compliment she had paid him. "If you want I could stay late and help you with it," he said with a careless shrug. "Wine, dinner, how you're going to utilize the state's budget..."

"My, how romantic; you really know how to charm a girl," Alex said with a smirk and an eye roll.

Chris shrugged and a sly smirk appeared on his lips. "What can I say, I try."

The two smiled at one another and Alex felt a strange feeling flow within her. Her heart suddenly began beating a little faster than it had been moments before…

Max cleared his throat loudly and both Chris and Alex turned towards him. "Alex, don't you think you should go help your wife and daughter with the bags?"

A hot blush broke out and Alex nodded, her heart slowly retuning back to normal. She returned her gaze to Chris and gave him a tiny half smile. "I promise I'll get this done. I'll drop it off the office tomorrow."

"Sure thing."

The two smiled at one another once more before they heard shoes clicking on the floor.

"Alex, you won't believe what Lila tried to do to us. She actually-."

Her words were cut short when she saw who was standing in the living room in such close proximity to Alex.

She glowered at him as she walked over and wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and pulled her close to her. "What are you doing here?"

Chris shrugged. "Nothing. Just dropping off some paperwork for Alex to sign."

"And did you?"

"Yeah."

"Great, you can go then."

Chris narrowed his eyes at her but Olivia didn't back down. Alex turned to Olivia and swallowed hard. "Come on, Liv, he's just being nice."

"Yeah, Liv, I'm just being nice," Chris said with a smirk knowing how much it annoyed her when he used her nickname. But he also knew she wouldn't bother to correct him in front of Alex.

Olivia felt a growl grow deep in her throat but restrained herself from releasing it. "Well thanks for being nice to her, but we've got to get settled in so not to be rude but would you mind leaving?"

Chris looked positively hurt and while Alex fell for the heartbroken look Olivia saw right past it. "Oh… okay, sure. Um... yeah just get that stuff to me tomorrow, Alex."

"Chris-," Alex began but Olivia interrupted her.

"She'll be sure to do that. In fact I'll drive it there myself."

Alex bit her lip in what could have been embarrassment as Chris gave her a half hearted smile. "Sure. I'll see you later, Alex."

With a tiny bow, Chris turned on his heels and left the house; shutting the door behind him.

"Why were you so rude?" Alex demanded as she turned to face Olivia who had a look of triumph on her face. "He was just dropping off some paperwork."

"Remember when I finally learned you were a lesbian?"

"Yes," Alex answered. "You were trying to hook me up with Fin and I finally told you after a few months I was gay."

"Well did you notice that before I knew you were into women I could have cared less about getting my paper work for court done on time, but after I learned you were a lesbian I'd get it done early and I would 'be nice' and drop off my DD5's at your house late at night so that you wouldn't have to drop by the station to get it?"

"Yeah… What about it?"

Olivia scoffed in disbelief. "Alex I wasn't trying to be _nice_. I was hoping you would invite me in for wine so that we could get drunk together and end up having sex, no offense, Max," she added hastily once she remembered that Alex's father was in the room as well.

"None taken. After all, how many times does a father get to hear how his daughter's marriage started off because her wife only wanted to get her drunk so they could sleep together?"

"Well it wasn't only because of that. I wanted to date her more than anything but that's not the point. The point is you ate it up and had no idea that I wasn't just 'being nice' and had other things on my mind."

Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's admission. "Did you honestly think you were that coy, Olivia? I knew exactly what you were thinking when you showed up at my house late at night."

Olivia scoffed and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You didn't know what I was doing, you're lying."

"Did you really think I went to bed alone wearing a slutty teddy with my hair and makeup done more then what it was at work? Did you really think I was that innocent and sweet that I didn't know what you were doing? I mean come on… I had candles and music going before you even got there."

Olivia parted her mouth in confusion and shook her head "You… you knew I was just trying to get you into bed?"

Alex nodded and couldn't help but laugh at Olivia's shocked expression. "Yeah. Why do you think almost every night you came over I had a brand new bottle of wine? I never wanted us to run out. Olivia, I _wanted_ to be 'taken advantage of' by the strong beautiful detective who would let the poor sweet, innocent ADA cry on her shoulder about the hard cases over a bottle of wine. "

"Okay, I think I'm going to go upstairs and look at your baby pictures now when you actually WERE sweet and innocent," Max muttered as he cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation had turned.

With a miniscule smile towards the two of them he left the room muttering softly to himself.

Olivia frowned at Alex's admission and Alex smirked at her. "Anyway, what was the point of the story? You know besides to unwillingly crush your own ego?"

"My point," Olivia continued as she nodded towards the files. "Is that Chris is trying to do the same thing to you with him bringing over your paperwork."

Alex rolled her eyes once more. "Chris wouldn't do that. Me and him are just friends."

"Trust me, Alex. He doesn't see you that way. He wants' more than friendship."

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"You don't even know him all that well, Liv," Alex argued. She was beginning to get angry at Olivia's accusations. "Chris knows the stress and pressure I'm under and he's helping me out and making this whole thing easier for me. He knows I'm happily married to you and that I would never do anything to hurt you."

Olivia frowned at her words. While it may have been true Alex spent more time with him, he allowed himself to be who he truly was around Olivia. Alex didn't see the way he looked at her photos or heard the way he spoke about her. He wanted her, badly.

But what scared Olivia the most is that she had a feeling deep down within her that maybe, just maybe… Alex had feelings for him as well.

Alex faced her and draped her arms around her neck and kissed her softly on the lips. Olivia kept her hands at her side and simply stared at her. "I love YOU, Olivia; no one else. Even if Chris does have feelings for me, which he doesn't by the way, I don't feel that way about him. The only person I feel that way about is you… and that Oscar winning actress who was on that sex crimes show back in the day. Maria, Marissa; whatever her name is…"

Olivia rolled her eyes and couldn't help but chuckle as she wrapped her arms around her waist and brought her closer. "I don't think you have much of a chance with the actress but I think you got a little shot at me."

"Just a little shot?" Alex muttered as Olivia's lips found her own.

"Okay a big shot, my mistake."

The two kissed one another once more before they heard footsteps descending down the stairs.

They broke apart the kiss but continued to hold onto one another. James came around the corner and raised a brow at the sight in front of him. "Don't stop on my account. Please continue."

"Very funny," Alex said with a smirk. "What's up, James?"

"I was just letting you know that the bags have been brought up to the room."

"Thank you."

"I'm also off to the store to get Lily what she referred to as strawberry 'pop tarts' for breakfast."

"Did she ask you to go get them?" Alex asked with a hint of embarrassment. "James, you don't have to make a special trip just for her. She can eat whatever you normally serve for breakfast."

"I was actually going shopping anyway because we're low on groceries and I asked her what she wanted first," James corrected Alex. "I was just about to ask you the same thing. Since you're going to be staying here a while I figured you'd want some of your favorites to eat."

"We're fine," Olivia told him and Alex couldn't help but notice that Olivia's hold on her lessoned. "And thank you for picking those up for Lily. How much do you need for the groceries?"

"Don't worry about money, Olivia."

"I don't want you spending all of your money on food though. Come on, give me a number."

"Actually it's Lila who pays for the groceries."

"In that case I wouldn't mind a couple of bottles of Dom Pérignon."

James chuckled at Olivia's words. "If only, Olivia. If only…"

Olivia and James smiled at one another briefly before he turned and walked towards the door. "I should probably be back before you leave for dinner."

"Are you coming with us?" Olivia asked as he opened the door.

"Mom thinks it's tacky to have the help eat with the employer," Alex explained quietly.

Olivia rolled her eyes towards the heavens before she turned back to James. "Well since we're guests and outrank Lila I'm declaring that rule idiotic. Tonight and every other night we're here you're eating with us."

James practically beamed at Olivia before he turned to Alex who had tried making that same argument several times before she had met Olivia and while she was younger but had never made any progress. She knew that Lila wouldn't be able to change Lila's mind anymore then she had tried.

"I can see why you choose her, Alex. She's a magnificent catch."

With a tiny nod towards both of them James left; shutting the door behind him.

Please Review.


	4. Chapter 4

I own no one

A/N Shorter than the first three but very dramay and angsty and awesome and you should all read and review it and hopefully I get a few of you somewhat weepy eyed at the end…

**October 14th Lila and Max's house, 6:12 PM, Albany NY**

"What is it with this family and losing things when they need to get ready for dinner?" Olivia muttered as she got on her hands and knees to look through Lily's temporary closet. "We've been here less than two hours. How in the name of heaven did you lose a pair of shoes already?"

Lily paid little attention to Olivia's words as she searched unsuccessfully for her pair of black shoes under the bed.

Olivia let out a frustrated groan as she crawled out of the closet and stood up shaking the dust from her black slacks and crimson colored top. "Can't you just wear another pair of shoes? Doesn't black go with everything?"

"No. Those shoes have the yellow beading in them that matches the top."

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed her temple in an attempt not to yell. "Okay, Lily… can you just wear another outfit? What about that blue top I got you for Christmas last year? Did you bring that? That way you can wear the blue shoes. You have that pair right there," said Olivia as she pointed to a pair of shoes she had thrown out of the closet in search for the black ones.

"You didn't wash it on the delicate cycle and it unraveled in the wash so I threw it out," Lily reminded her as she searched fruitlessly through her half packed duffel bag.

"For the hundredth time, it wasn't my fault they put 'wash on delicate' in the smallest amount of print they could manage. In any case; we're gonna be late. Are you sure you even brought the black shoes with you?"

Lily stopped searching for a moment before a small blush broke out on her face. "I guess I can just wear the purple shoes and the purple top…"

Olivia chuckled and went over to her and kissed her on the top of her head. "You are your mother's daughter. Now come on, Lily, you gotta hurry. We're gonna be late."

Lily nodded in understanding before she raced over to her closet and grabbed the pair of purple wedge heels as well as her light purple sweater.

"Lily, Olivia, come on; we're gonna be late!" Alex's voice traveled up the steps.

Olivia gave Lily a final smile before she left the bedroom shutting the door behind her. She made her way downstairs and saw Alex, wearing a silky tank top strap light blue dress that looked like it was made of water instead of material with her blonde hair in soft waves that she had left down, looking slightly impatient.

"What's going on?" Alex asked as Olivia came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. "Is Lily getting ready?"

"She couldn't find her shoes," explained Olivia. "She'll be down soon though, I promise."

Alex rolled her eyes and Olivia glowered at her. "You know I remember our first ever dinner with your parents. The one I had to sit out because you let Lila only make a reservation for three instead of four. You made us all late because heaven forbid you didn't have the right shoes to go with your black dress."

"Hang on a second… you know I had no idea she did that until we got to the restaurant and is there a reason why you have an attitude all of a sudden?"

Olivia shook her head in disbelief and ran a hand through her hair. "Just… lay off her a bit, okay? She's going through a lot right now and doesn't need you criticizing her every other sentence and action."

Alex glared at her and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And you think I'm having the time of my life? Do you know how much stress I'm under right now?"

"You're not twelve and you CHOOSE to run for office," Olivia reminded her dryly. "She didn't ask for any of this. Lily needs BOTH of us now, Alex. And if you keep up this attitude you have with her-."

"Attitude!"

"-when you actually want to be decent to her," Olivia continued as if she hadn't heard Alex's outburst, "she's not going to let you."

"So what?" Alex barked. "Are you saying you're a better parent then me?"

"No I'm just saying-."

"Is everything alright?"

Both Alex and Olivia looked towards the voice and were surprised to find James in the doorway leading into the living room looking between the both of them wearing a nice looking black suit. "I heard shouting. Everything going okay?"

Olivia and Alex looked back at one another before they turned back to James. "Yes, James, everything's fine," said Alex a bit snippier then she had intended. "Where's Mom and Dad?"

"They're just finishing getting ready. Mrs. Cabot… she forgot we were going out for dinner. Where's Lily?" he asked in a hurry so that it would detour him from his explanation on why Lila and Max were running late.

"She had to change her shirt," Olivia informed him missing Alex's heartbroken look. "She'll be right down."

James nodded as he looked from Olivia and Alex once more. "You sure everything's okay?"

"Yes, we're fine," Olivia said with a small smile. "Thank you, James. And you'll be happy to know I overheard Lila calling up the restaurant and asking for another place on the reservation."

"Yes I know. Hopefully it's everything you've made it out to be," he said with a smirk.

"Trust me, you're not missing much," chuckled Olivia. "But I'm glad you actually asked her and I'm even more surprised that she said yes."

James looked wholly confused. "I didn't ask her. I thought you asked her."

"I didn't ask her. Alex?"

Alex shook her head. "I didn't think she would have said yes so I didn't even bother bringing it up."

"Well if none of us three asked," James muttered softly, "and I know Mr. Cabot has given up long ago on trying to get her to change her policy, then who asked if I could join you at dinner?"

They all looked at one another for a moment before the doorbell rang. James excused himself from their company and went over to the door and opened it.

"Hello, James," Chris said as he walked into the home and Alex couldn't breathe.

His brown hair was slicked back so that it had an almost certain sheen to it and was wearing a crisp classic black tux that showed off his many muscles and evidence of daily workouts at the gym. His eyes glistened and almost seemed to draw the blond in. The straight neatly ironed legs and jacket making him seem even taller than his already impressive six foot three height.

Alex couldn't help but stare, missing the almost worried look Olivia was giving her. Chris's eyes fell on Alex and he smiled at her. "You look beautiful, Alex."

"Thank you. You look nice too."

Olivia swallowed her nerves and turned to Chris who was still smiling at Alex. "Yes yes we all look amazing but what do you want? We're just about to leave for dinner and we're actually running a little late so if you wouldn't mind leaving."

"Olivia, stop," Alex scolded as she turned her gaze away from Chris and towards Olivia. "This isn't your home and he's more than welcome to come over anytime he wants."

"Your point?"

Alex let out a frustrated sigh and turned back to Chris who appeared hurt at Olivia's rudeness. "What's going on, Chris?"

"Well... It's just your mother invited me to dinner tonight and I know I'm a tad late and I really am sorry about-."

"Hold the phone," said Olivia, her voice raising a pitch or two. "You're coming with us? The extra reservation is for you?"

James chuckled and loosened his tie. "Well on the bright side I'll actually get to watch on the big screen instead of my TV tonight."

"Now wait a second," Olivia insisted. "Chris, I'm sorry, but James is coming with us to dinner tonight and taking your reservation spot."

"Olivia, it's fine," James assured her with a smile. "I'm more than used to it."

"No! Chris, you're not coming with us James, you are."

"That's not your choice to make," Chris told her a crumb more angrier then he had wanted. "I mean Lila invited me."

"Well I'm UN inviting you."

"Olivia, stop!" Alex demanded as she stormed up to the two of them. "I know you don't like him but you're being beyond rude right now!"

"No no, its fine, Alex," Chris said with a sad smile on his handsome face. "I mean I can just go back to the hotel and order room service. Oh and, Liv," he added as he turned towards the seething brunette. "I spoke to that guy and he said they do restore those kind of pictures but it's gonna cost you a little more than what he normally charges."

Olivia was beyond livid at his words. Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion as she turned to Olivia. "What are you getting restored?"

Before Olivia could even begin to think of a legible excuse Chris spoke. "Oh she was showing me the cutest picture today. It was in this beautiful wooden box and it looked like she had been looking at it a lot and she was asking me if I knew a place where I could get it restored to its original beauty."

"What kind of picture?"

"Chris, don't!" Olivia pleaded but he ignored her words.

"This sonogram picture she had. It had your name on it, Alex. At first I thought it was Lily's but turns out it was, what was it, about eight years old? Very cute picture if I do say so myself."

Alex turned to Olivia to find tears stinging Olivia's eyes. "You… you kept it?"

Alex's voice was low and almost a deadly whisper full to the brim of tears and anger.

"Alex, listen to me-." Olivia began as she came over and put a hand on her shoulder only to have it knocked angrily away a second later.

"Leave me alone!" Alex snarled as she stormed past Olivia and up the stairs.

"Alex, wait!" Olivia begged as she swallowed the tears and rushed after her hearing Chris's smug chuckle but knew that she needed to contain her rage she felt for him at the moment and deal with Alex.

Alex almost ran into the room where she and Olivia were staying. She immediately went over to the bedside table on Olivia's side and yanked the drawer clean from the table and began rummaging through it.

"Alex, listen to me," Olivia pleaded as Alex finally found the tiny wooden box Simon had been referring to. "I know you're angry."

"I told you!" Alex growled as she threw the drawer onto the bed and opened up the box unable to look inside it. "I told you I didn't want any reminders of it and you go and go and keep the sonogram?"

"He's still a member of the family."

"No it's not!" Alex shouted. "Okay its dead, Olivia!"

"He is not an 'it'!" Olivia snarled. "And stop referring to him like that!"

"I'll refer to it anyway I want!"

"Our son is not an it!"

"We don't have a son!" Alex shouted as tears began to make their way down her face. "I know you like to pretend we do but we don't and no amount of pictures is gonna bring it back!"

Alex reached into the tiny box and took out the worn and faded picture and gripped the top that made it look like she was going to rip it in half.

"Don't!" Olivia screamed as she let out a sob. "Alex, please don't rip it it's all I have of him!"

"I don't want to remember it!"

"Alex, I swear to god if you rip that picture I will NEVER forgive you!"

The two women looked at one another for a moment before there was a familiar voice in their doorway.

"What in the name of Heaven is going on here?"

Both women looked towards the doorway to find Lila standing there looking wide eyed and astounded. "Well does someone want to explain to me _why_ you two are screaming at one another?"

"Lila, stay out of this, okay?" Olivia demanded shortly. "Nothing's going on and everything's fine."

"Forgive me, I didn't realize screaming and shouting at your spouse now equals 'everything is fine'. In my day it meant that something bad had happened and you two were now rudely arguing and shouting at the top of your voices about the situation while you were guests in someone else's house."

"Don't piss me off, Lila, not in the mood," Olivia snapped before she turned back to Alex. "Alex, please just give me the picture."

"Is everything okay?" Lily asked as she came to the doorway.

Alex groaned loudly and ran a hand through her hair. "Yes, Lily, everything's fine."

"Then why are you and Mama yelling?"

"No one was yelling!" Alex yelled at Lily.

"Stop yelling at her!" Olivia shouted at Alex.

"How dare you yell at Alexandra!"

"Lila, for the last time; stay out of this!"

"Don't talk to my mother that way!" demanded Alex.

"I still don't know why everyone's yelling," Lily muttered softly as she looked down at the carpet.

"Lily, be quiet!"

"I told you not to yell at her!"

"That is ENOUGH of that!

All four women turned and saw that Max looking both thunderstruck and almost angry.

Looking from his wife to Olivia and Alex; Max took a deep breath and spoke. "Now," Max began calmly as he turned to Olivia. "Can one of you please tell me, peacefully, what is going on here?"

"Forget it," Alex spat as she threw the sonogram picture to the floor while tears gathered in her eyes. "You wanna keep a reminder of something that we lost and can never have again, be my fucking guest!"

"Alexandra!" Lila gasped as she clutched her heart. "Watch your language!"

Alex ignored her mother's words as she stormed out of the room, stepping on the white and black photo on her way out, before she pushed by Lila and Max and walked away.

Olivia let out a sob as she rushed over and kneeled down next to the now slightly crumpled photo and clutched it tight to her chest.

"Mama?" Lily began a little tearfully as she began walk into the room but Max put his hands on her shoulders.

"I have a feeling dinners been cancelled," Max muttered as he looked towards Lila who nodded wordlessly. "How about I have James order us some pizza?" he asked mainly Lily.

Lily looked down the hall almost wincing when they all heard a door slam shut. She swallowed hard and turned towards Max and gave him an almost teary smile. "Okay."

Max smiled at her and clapped her on the back and led her away from the room where Lila was looking almost curiously at the scene in front of her. "That's what all this arguing and fighting was about? A simple picture?"

Olivia ignored her words as she tried her best to smooth out the crevasses and creases now embedded into the thin paper.

"A simple picture is what has everyone so upset? What is it of anyway?"

Olivia took a desperate almost frantic breath as she earnestly on one particular fold that ran through the middle of it. "It's… its Simon's sonogram picture."

"Who's Simon?"

Olivia looked up at her in almost astonishment and felt a hot surge of anger run through her. "He's mine and Alex's son."

Lila parted her mouth in confusion. "But… you two don't have a son. All you have is Lillian."

Olivia simply looked at her for a moment before she stood up and stormed out of the room leaving Lila in a state of confusion. "Why are you getting angry?" she called out to Olivia who ignored her. "You don't have a son! I don't understand why you're getting so upset with me! I can't… Olivia, I can't remember him! Olivia…!"

INSERT LINE BREAK!

Olivia spotted Alex leaning on the terrace overlooking the backyard. Olivia looked down at the sonogram and back up at her wife and clutched it tight to her chest before she walked towards the door and opened the door.

Alex straightened out but gave no other notice that she had heard Olivia come out into the terrace with her.

Olivia took a deep breath before she walked over and stood besides her looking over the backyard as well. "It's getting cold out," she muttered softly. A weak attempt at a peace offering. "You wanna talk about this inside?"

"Are you gonna throw away the picture?"

"No."

Alex shrugged and wiped away her tears trying to look as impassive as she could. "Then there's nothing left to talk about."

"Alex," sighed Olivia, "I know you want to forget him but-."

"I don't want to forget… _him_," corrected Alex with a sniff. "I don't think I could forget him if I tried. I just want to forget what happened to him, to me, to you… I want to forget not being a good mother and not being able to keep our son safe." Olivia stayed silent as Alex took a shaky breath and wiped her falling tears away. "Eight years later and this is still tearing us apart. You think after all that time I would know what we did to deserve this."

"We didn't do anything to deserve what happened to us and you know that, Alex," Olivia said softly. "These things happen. It wasn't yours or his fault. If anything you should be blaming me."

Alex finally turned to her and looked at her in astonishment. "Why the hell would I do that? Olivia, I've told you before this wasn't your fault."

"Oh really?" Olivia asked a little bitterly. "Who's the one who didn't get to you in time? Who's the one that let some psycho murderer get his hands on you when you were five months pregnant? It's my job to protect you in the workplace and at home and I couldn't stop him from hurting you and kill-…killing our son."

"It all happened so fast no one could have stopped it," Alex reminded her. "You, me, or Elliot didn't even see him."

"I still should have protected you. Or Elliot should have stopped him from going after you."

"He threw you against a concrete wall and almost made you pass out… I think you have an excuse for not stopping him when he hit me and I don't think I would have been able to forgive Elliot if he had rushed over to me instead of helping you."

"I didn't need his help. You did. You and Simon."

Alex almost cringed at the use of the name their son would have received. "You didn't know that. And I knew the risks, Olivia. He liked blondes and we all thought that it would give you and Elliot an edge if I was in the room with him, get him thinking with the wrong head. I should have been a better mother and just let you and Elliot deal with it."

"This was NOT your fault," snarled Olivia as if the mere thought of blaming Alex for what happened to her or her son. "Don't you EVER think that!"

Alex shook her head in protest. "You said it was dangerous, you protested against me going in there, you did everything you could so that I stayed out of that room and I didn't listen to you."

"It wasn't your fault, Alex… Just like us almost losing Lily wasn't your fault either."

Alex took a shuddering breath and closed her eyes as fat tears leaked out from behind her lids. "I don't… Olivia, I can't deal with knowing you have a reminder of how I let someone kill our baby because I was stubborn."

"Alex-."

"No, Olivia, listen to me please. I want to forget that I wasn't a good mother, that I couldn't protect him when I was all he had, and that I put my job in front of our child… Please. I am begging you, Olivia, from the bottom of my heart, throw out the picture. You don't even have to do it yourself. Give it to me and I'll do it for you, you won't even have to be in the same room."

Olivia looked at her for a moment before she took a deep breath and felt her own tears sting her eyes. "Alex, I love you. I love you more than I have ever or could ever love a single soul on this earth. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, I would kill for you, I would DIE for you in a heartbeat a thousand times over, and they haven't invented the right word to say how completely and utterly sorry I am."

"Olivia, please-."

"But I can't throw out the picture."

"It's just a picture!" Alex cried as more tears made their way down her face. "It's just a black and white piece of paper!"

"No it's not," replied Olivia. "It's like he's with me. Whenever I look at it it's almost like he's real, you know? Like it's him looking back at me instead of just a piece of paper."

"He's not with us! He is dead okay? Simon Benson is dead and just because you look at some piece of paper doesn't mean he's going to magically come back to life!"

Olivia and Alex looked at one another for a moment. Neither one willing to back down and each wanting the other one to submit to their will, wanting the other one to understand why they were hurting the person they loved more than anything.

It was almost a full minute of silence although it seemed like an hour to the two women before Olivia spoke. "Alex… I'm sorry. But I can't throw the picture away. Please try to understand."

Alex covered her mouth and quickly sniffed back a sob as she pushed by Olivia and went back inside the house, leaving Olivia alone on the terrace.

Olivia bowed her head and turned so that she looked back over the backyard and clutched the picture to her chest tightly as if she was protecting it from the cold wind that blew. She only whispered three words into the darkened sky. "I'm sorry, Alex."

Please Review.


	5. Chapter 5

I own no one but my own people

A/N So I got some news for y'all. I know it's a little early to announce this but this October I'm heading out to California for three weeks, then I'm heading to Mississippi, then over to Louisiana, back to Mississippi, get a three day pass where I can't even go home because NY is too far away from Mississippi, then in January I get deployed to Afghanistan with my unit for an entire year to, I believe, Fort Bragum as a 25 Bravo (Geek Squad for the Army) I have every confidence in the world I'm gonna come back home safe and sound with a shit load of money with a giant green smiling flag on my record that say's I'm a veteran of a foreign war and it'll be something less than 10 percent of Americans get to experience but… In any case just wanted to tell you I have EVERY single plan on finishing the MTC series before than as well as 'Be Careful What You Wish For." But the reason I'm telling you this now is because it's important for y'all to vote in the poll in my profile so I can update and finish whatever y'all want to see finished because I'm sorry but fan fiction as well as SVU will probably be the last thing on my mind come October. I could be wrong and have a junk load of down time in pre mobilization as well as the actual deployment but… In any case, PLEASE go vote so that I know what to start planning and working on after those two stories. Now on with the story :)

October 14, Lila and Max's House, 6:29 PM

Alex made her way down the stairs to see what kind of liquor her parents had in the house.

Tears that stung her eyes were falling hastily down her cheeks and streaking her makeup that had up until a few minutes ago been perfect.

She went to wipe her tears away and before she knew what had happened she ran right into a solid mass of muscle.

Her victim steadied both himself and her as he grabbed on to her shoulders to keep her from falling to the ground.

"You okay, Alex?" her savior asked.

Alex blinked her tears away and saw Chris looking at her in concern. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

"I thought you went home," she muttered softly as she gently twisted out of his touch.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay and I had to apologize to you," he answered as he dropped his arms. "I swear I didn't know you didn't know about the picture. I mean I saw Olivia looking at it yesterday and I mentioned how it looked kind of faded and that I knew someone who could fix it and she agreed. I didn't know there was a history behind it."

"Its fine," she assured him. "I told her years ago I wanted everything about… that period of our lives gone and she lied to me and said she had gotten rid of everything. If anything she's to blame…"

Alex took a deep breath and walked over to the couch with Chris falling in right behind her. "I mean I understand her reasoning why she wants to keep it but I failed my son and knowing she has a reminder of that and know how often she looks at it is just…" Tears spilled down Alex's face once more and she took a shuddering breath as she turned to Chris. "Why can't she just throw it away? I killed my son, I'm responsible for his death, and she has to keep a reminder of it?"

He reached over and began to softly rub her back in smooth calming circles. "Alex, it's okay," he said softly. "I don't… I've never had to deal with something that tragic before but I know a wonderful person like you could never be responsible for something like that."

Alex shook her head as she sniffed and allowed the tears to run down her face. "Yes I am. Olivia and Elliot were working a case of a serial rapist. One of his victims managed to scratch him and drew blood. We got DNA and caught him within the hour. But he said the victim and him had a relationship and she liked rough sex and that's how she scratched him.

We couldn't prove he was wrong and he wasn't talking to either of them. Our psychiatrist said that it might be helpful if I was to go in and just kind of flirt with him because this guy had a fetish for blondes and he might get confused or slip up if he was starting to get turned on. I was five months pregnant."

Alex took a shaky breath before she continued. "Olivia didn't want me anywhere near him and told me not to do it. She said there were more options; more ways to get him to talk that didn't involve me in the interrogation room with him. I said I could handle myself and that she and Elliot would keep me safe if something happened. Well it worked. I went in there, started flirting with him, and he called the victim who scratched him by another victim's name. He realized what he did and got pissed. He stood up and threw a chair at me and missed. Olivia ran over to him and tried to restrain him but he… he grabbed her and threw her against the wall and almost killed her. I can still hear the crack her head made against the wall…

Her partner ran over to help her and I just started to panic and went over to help her too and he turned on me. Before anyone knew what happened he hit me as hard as he could in the stomach. I fell and he kicked me as well. I passed out and when I woke up I was in the hospital and they told me Olivia was gonna be okay and that… that our baby was dead."

By the end of the story the tears Alex had tried in vain to stop was coming faster than ever. She let out a sob and covered her mouth as she began shaking.

Chris, whose own tears were dry, reached over and hugged her tightly. She put her head on his shoulder and continued her sobs.

"Its okay, Alex," he muffled softly as he buried his head in her hair. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Alex shook her head. "I shou- should have listened to her! I shouldn't ha- have went in!"

"This wasn't your fault, Alex. If anything, it's Olivia's fault. She should have taken better care of you. I mean she's the cop and you're a pregnant lawyer and her wife… she should have looked out for you."

Alex pulled away from his warm embrace at an almost alarming speed and looked at him as if he had suddenly grown three heads. "What… what did you just say?"

"I said she's the one who should be taking the blame for this," he repeated, now wondering if that was taking it a step too far.

"Olivia did NOTHING wrong!" yelled Alex as if he had personally insulted her. "She's the one who told me not to go in there and I didn't listen! Don't you EVER blame her for what happened!"

Chris held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I just… I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it and it was a stupid thing for me to say."

Alex took a deep breath and nodded. "Fine. But just don't ever say anything like that again, okay? Olivia had nothing to do with this. It was my fault, not hers."

Chris nodded eagerly. "Of course, Alex, whatever you want. Wow… so I guess you're still in love with her, huh?"

"I didn't know I stopped."

"Oh no I know. It's just… have you talked to Olivia about how you feel? About unfairly blaming yourself for what happened?"

"Yeah. I mean a few days after it happened I told her I wanted to get rid of everything that reminded me of the pregnancy and she kind of fought me on it but she finally agreed. I mean I thought she agreed but turns out she didn't toss everything."

Chris nodded in understanding. "I don't mean anything by it, Alex, but lying to the one you love seems like a pretty shitty thing to do especially regarding your child."

Alex scoffed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "You don't know the half of it."

"What do you mean?" Chris asked as he placed his arm casually around her shoulders. "She's lied to you before?"

"No, no, no, no. Oh god no," Alex corrected as the two sat down, ignoring the increasing pound of her heart as Chris sat in such proximity of her. "I've always been the one who lied to her… I mean not ALL the time but early on in our relationship was… let's just say me and her are lucky we made it the first few years much less seventeen."

"Sounds pretty rocky," said Chris as his hand began to rub up and down her arm getting dangerously close to her cleavage, not missing the soft blush that erupted in Alex's cheek. "I mean I know you two have been marred for fifteen years and that's pretty much unheard of these days, but maybe you two, and please don't take offense to this. But maybe you two weren't really meant to be."

Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion at his words. "What do you mean?"

Chris shrugged. "I mean it sounds like you two have had it pretty rough. Even if I thought I loved the person I wouldn't want to go through everything you two have gone through, to me it wouldn't be worth it. But did you ever think you two were struggling so much because it just wasn't meant to be? Maybe you just ended up with the wrong person because you didn't wait long enough?"

Alex swallowed any words or thoughts she had as Chris looked her directly in her eyes; his green eyes boring into her blue ones. Her heart thumped painfully against her chest, physical reactions she never imagined she would ever feel for someone like him raced through her. She felt like a teenage in love when every word he spoke would leave her wanting more. He leaned forward.

"You need to leave," Alex breathed as she quickly stood up.

Chris closed his eyes in defeat and annoyance as Alex walked quickly over to the door and he heard the sound of the locks tumbling and felt a sudden cold draft as she opened it.

He took a deep breath before he stood up and went over to her. She was looking down at the ground in a desperate effort not to look at him.

"I'll get those documents to you tomorrow," she muttered softly still ignoring his eyes like the plague. "Sorry about dinner."

Chris ignored her promises as well as her apologies. He placed a finger under her chin and effortlessly lifted it so that she was looking into his eyes once more. "Why do you want me to leave?" he asked breathlessly.

A silence filled the house for a moment before she answered. "Fifteen years ago I made her a promise in our wedding vows. I promised that I would never do anything to screw up our relationship."

"And?"

"And I know if you stay any longer I'm gonna come damn close to breaking that promise," she breathed.

Chris and Alex looked at one another for a moment before she tore her eyes away from his. "Please leave." She was almost begging.

Without another word or look Chris left the magnificent home with Alex shutting the door behind him.

The moment she heard the door click she took a deep breath and wiped at the tears that had appeared in her eyes.

She heard the familiar footsteps of her wife and tensed when she felt Olivia's arms wrap firmly around her waist and pulled her gently into her.

Alex felt a surge of guilt quickly replace any feelings she had for Chris moments ago. She was frightened. She loved Olivia with her heart and soul and then some, but there was just something about Chris that made her feel young again. Made her feel something that she hadn't felt with Olivia for a few years now.

At one time a simple glance from the detective could make the blonde lawyer weak in the knees and her heart pounded so hard it almost hurt her chest. The first few years of their marriage were hot and heavy and beautiful and as blissful as a marriage could get.

But after Alex woke up in that hospital; it was as if someone had not only stolen their son away but they had thrown on a bucket of water onto the fire that swelled up in Alex every time Olivia so much as smiled at her.

She was still turned on by her wife, she couldn't think of a time when she wasn't, but now they had to be physically intimate for Alex to even feel a bit of a spark where as with Chris a simple look or so much as a single touch from him could fan the flames that she wished would ignite when Olivia was around once more.

Alex leaned back in her embrace and closed her eyes as she felt tears roll down her face not from the argument but from the guilt.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered softly. "I'm sorry you had to find out I had his photo that way, Alex. I know you wanted me to throw it out but I can't… it'll be like I'm throwing him away."

Alex took a shuddering breath as she turned to face Olivia and Alex saw for the first time in months just how weary and tired Olivia looked; as if her age was finally beginning to catch up with her.

She swallowed hard and forced her arms around Olivia. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have shouted at you OR Lily like that. I'm just… the stress of the election and finding out you had the sonogram is just getting to me."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Its okay, Alex. I shouldn't have been so against throwing out the photo. If you really want me too I'll… I'll get it out of the house but, Alex; I can't throw it out or rip it up."

Alex closed her eyes in defeat and took a deep breath as she shook her head. "I don't want you to do either of them or… or give it up. I understand why you want to keep it, but... can you just never mention it or let me see it again… please?"

"You're letting me keep it?" Olivia asked as her eyes widened.

Alex nodded. "Yeah. I mean I'm pretty sure you would have just hid it again and tell me you did throw it out again so I might as well just think that you're listening to me."

Olivia smiled widely making her look years younger. She hugged Alex tightly around the neck. "Thank you!" she cried merrily. "Thank you so much!"

Alex managed a grim and hugged her back. "You don't have to thank me for this, Liv. You are kind of hurting me though."

Olivia chuckled and while she loosened her grasp she still held onto Alex. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you too," answered Alex although once again a surge of guilt flooded her heart as the words left her mouth.

They smiled at one another before Alex checked her watch and her eyes widened. "I can't believe I almost forgot! My new commercial's on in about five minutes!"

They heard a man clearing his throat and they both turned towards the doorway and saw James standing there and Alex was surprised to see his look of minor anger on his face directed at Alex before he turned to Olivia and his face softened considerably. "I have to speak to you for a moment, Olivia."

"In a minute, James," Olivia told him with a smile as she went over and sat down at the couch along with a somewhat nervous Alex. "Can you go get Lily?"

James glanced over at Alex for a moment who cast her eyes towards the floor. "Of course, Olivia."

With a tiny bow he left the room and descended up the stairs.

Alex let out a breath and turned to Olivia who looked somewhat confused. "What did you do to him?"

"I have no idea," Alex admitted honestly. "Maybe he's pissed about not being able to go out for dinner?" she offered.

Olivia shrugged as they made their way to the couch and sat down on it, Alex placing her purse on the floor next to her.

Several moments passed before they heard footsteps on the steps.

They both turned and saw Lily, now dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt with her hair now tied in a ponytail behind her looking at Alex in apprehension.

"Grandpa said he was ordering us all pizza," Lily explained. "Or are we still going out to dinner?"

"Dinner's been cancelled, Lil's," Olivia informed her. "We're actually about to watch the new commercial your mom's on."

Lily nodded although she still looked hesitantly at Alex. Alex sighed and beckoned her over.

Lily walked over to the couch and stood in front of Alex and simply looked down at her. "What's going on, mom?"

Alex took a deep breath and took Lily's hands in her own. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I would blame it on the whole election thing but that doesn't give me the right to yell at you because you were wondering why your parents are fighting. I love you, Lily. You know that right?"

Lily nodded eagerly and Alex grinned merrily as she pulled Lily into a hug and Lily smiled and desperately wiped her tears away as she hugged Alex back and rested her head on her shoulder.

Several moments passed before they pulled away from one another and Lily sat besides Alex on the couch while Olivia beamed at what had just happened between her wife and daughter.

Alex had just flipped on the TV quickly turned the TV to CBS and quietly shushed everybody as they watched the TV.

"This is gonna wipe the floor with whatever trash Luciano has put out," Alex muttered to herself happily. "He wants to seem like the all American man; well I can be an all American man too."

The current program, a local news program had just ended and it turned to a commercial advertising a department stores prices.

Olivia looked over at Alex who was leaning as far up as she could without falling off of the couch and she reached over and rubbed her back gently. "Baby, relax. I'm sure it's gonna be amazing."

Alex barley registered Olivia's words as it faded to black before soft music began playing.

"This is it, this is it!" Alex announced happily as she turned up the volume to the TV.

A colored happy looking picture of Alex appeared on the screen showing her going over something in a binder with one of her staff workers.

"_Alex Cabot_," the unseen announcer began cheerfully, "_has made promises to the people of New York that if she gets elected she'll go to Albany and work for you. She knows what the people of New York need. Because she's just like you."_

The first picture faded away and showed Alex, Fin, and Munch in the squad room all smiling and looking at the camera while Alex held some type of folder in her hand. "_Alex Cabot has worked with working class citizens almost her entire career and knows how much a tax decrease would help those in need and promised to get you more of your hard earned money in your pay checks when you deserve it."_

"I like that picture," Olivia said with an approving smile but Alex ignored the compliment and didn't take her eyes from the TV.

The picture of her, Fin, and Munch faded away and the next picture that popped up not only made Olivia gasp in astonishment but made Lily's eyes go wide with amazement as well.

"_Alex Cabot is a family woman," _the announcer informed the public as a picture of Alex and Lily sitting down at the kitchen table both looking down at a school book with note books and papers spread out before them while Lily held a pencil in her hand. "_She knows how tough these hard economic times can be on a family and promises to increase the amount you receive on your states taxes for every family member living in your home."_

The picture of Alex and Lily faded and it showed Alex smiling at the camera, looking much younger than she did look in real life. "_So this November vote the face of new New York. Vote Alex Cabot, not just a politician but also one of you. I'm Alex Cabot and I approve this message."_

Alex flipped off the TV and turned to Olivia but the grin on her face disappeared at once after she saw the fuming look on Olivia's face.

"Lily, go to your room," ordered Olivia.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No just go to your room while me and your mom have a talk. I'll call you back down after okay?"

Lily swallowed her fear before she nodded and got off the couch and made her way up the stairs. Olivia waited until she head the faint sound of Lily's door shutting before she rounded on a confused Alex.

"Why the hell did you put Lily's picture on TV?" Olivia demanded.

Alex closed her eyes in defeat and looked down at her hands, beginning to roll her wedding ring in between her fingers. "Well Chris said he needed a picture of me and my family, so-."

"I don't care, Alex!" shouted Olivia, "I told you from the time you started getting really serious about this I didn't want her picture in the news or on TV or online or wherever the hell it's gonna end up now! I grounded her two weeks ago for putting her picture up on face space or whatever the hell you call it, and you go and post her picture up in front of millions of New Yorkers?

I know if you win she'll probably have a few pictures taken but it wouldn't be our choice! You deliberately handed Chris that picture of you two! You should have used a picture of me and you if you wanted to promote some 'family' angle! Do you know how many predators could have seen that commercial or how many will see that?"

"I tried!" Alex pleaded. "I asked Chris not to publish a picture of Lily for that part but he said we couldn't do one of me and you."

"And why not? What would have made the huge difference if you had used a picture of you and me, a legally married couple of fifteen years, verses a picture of our twelve year old daughter who probably didn't even know about it!"

"He… he said it would have looked bad for my image if I had done that and gotten too much back slash. I mean it was only a year ago when Sarah Palin come out of the closet just three weeks after she was impeached for having a three way with her secretary of state and vice president. She ruined it for almost every single homosexual politician and now isn't the time for me to be flaunting the fact I'm married to another woman.

Plus Chris knows what he's doing. If it shows a picture of me and Lily it'll give off a more 'homey' feeling and make me more identifiable with other mothers who may be Democrats."

Olivia shook her head in disgust before she looked back at Alex who suddenly felt three inches tall. "Millions of people saw that, Alex, and millions more will see it by the time the election ends. Pedophiles and child molesters will see that picture of her. Okay, we both work those types of cases; you know what can happen to her."

"Nothing is going to happen to her. Okay, I'd die before I let anything happen to her and I really didn't want him to use Lily's photo at all and I never should have okayed it especially without talking to you OR Lily first. I'll talk to him tomorrow and get him to change it to a picture of me and mom."

While the news that Alex would talk to Chris and get him to remove the picture of Lily softened Olivia up some, a look of animosity was still etched in her features. "Why you and Lila? Why not you and me?"

"Because I told you, Liv. It'll look bad for my image if I flaunt the fact I'm a lesbian."

"Showing a picture of you and your wife is not 'flaunting' anything," Olivia snapped bitterly. "We're married, Alex, you shouldn't be ashamed of that."

"I'm not! But… but I can't show us together right now. I'm sorry. Please try to understand."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she sunk back onto the couch with a sour look on her face. She had won two arguments in the same night minutes apart from one another; she didn't want to push it… now tonight in any case.

Alex also sunk back into the couch and closed her eyes for several moments before her phone rang.

She let out a low groan before she reached besides her and plucked her phone from the depths of her purse.

"Alex Cabot," she answered to the unknown person on the other line.

"Hello, Mrs. Cabot," a daunting prestigious voice rang in her ears, "this is Verona Elizabeth Waters, writer for the New York Times."

Alex perked up at once and sat up as straight as she could as if the person on the other line could see her slouching. "Hello, Ms. Waters, how are you this evening?"

"Who is it?" mouthed Olivia but Ale held up a hand to silently shush her.

"Absolutely superior and yourself?"

"Terrific. Is there anything at all I can help you with?"

"Yes, actually there is. I'm covering the election, as I'm sure you know, and I have heard some… very interesting rumors about you and was inquiring as to rather or not you and I could sit down tomorrow for an interview that I can personally guarantee will make front headlines and might help to clear some things up."

Alex nodded eagerly, "Of course, Ms. Waters, anything you want. What time should I be there tomorrow?"

"Nine AM on the dot."

"Of course. In fact I'll be there early," she said with a forced laugh.

"Not too early, Mrs. Cabot, it's tacky."

"Of course, I'll be there on time, Mrs. Waters, I promise."

"Very well. Have a pleasant evening, Mrs. Cabot."

Alex opened her mouth to tell her good bye but a soft beep told her that the reporter had hung up on her.

Alex hung up the phone and turned, beaming, to Olivia. "I got an interview with the New York Times!"

She smiled and nodded. "Congratulations, Alex. I'm proud of you. What time tomorrow?"

"Nine AM. Oh god that's in less than a day. I gotta figure out something to wear, I gotta call Andrea and tell her to get me some new statements, I need to call Chris and tell him what's going on, I need to call Rachel and let her know I'm doing another publicity report, I need to call-."

"Alex, Alex, hang on," Olivia interrupted. "You said you have to be there at nine AM tomorrow?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. Why do you look annoyed?"

Olivia sighed and looked at her in incredulity. "Lily's school registration is tomorrow and you promised you'd be there with her."

Alex groaned loudly and flopped up against the couch. "I forgot. I'm sorry, Olivia."

"You promised her, Alex. How could you forget?"

"You can go without me; it doesn't take two parents to register for middle school."

"She wants you there though," Olivia snapped. "And you promised you'd be there for her."

"It's the New York Times, Liv, I can't turn it down. Do you realize how prestigious that is?"

"I could care less if you were giving the interview to the queen of England. You PROMISED Lily you would be there."

"And if I turned her down or asked the time to be changed then they make me their enemy and people read that and I don't get elected."

"So what? Alex, you promised Lily that you would be there for her and you're breaking her promise to her. You're breaking your promise to all of us."

Alex swallowed hard as she looked over Olivia's face, trying to see what she meant by that exactly. "What… what do you mean?"

"You promised me that you would use this time to spend with me and Lily. That's the whole reason why we moved you out of the hotel and are staying with your parents! We did it so you could spend some time with your family!"

"I can't just put the election on hold, Olivia!" Alex shouted, "I'm sorry but this is my life we're talking about and we're less than one month away from the election! I can't just turn down an interview with the New York Times because I made a promise to Lily or to you. Until I get elected, the election is gonna come first."

Alex at once felt a surging hot guilt wash over her and she looked down at the floor to avoid Olivia's hurt filled eyes. "I'm sorry," she apologized softly. "I never should have said that."

Olivia swallowed her words and simply nodded. "Don't be. At least now I know how you really feel about us."

Without another word Olivia got up from the couch and stormed away from the living room. "Olivia, wait!" Alex shouted but she ignored her pleas and instead climbed up the stairs.

With a quiet sob Alex put her face in her hand and began to cry.

Please Review! Also SAGS are on tonight. Let's go Mariska! Win that gold, baby!


	6. Chapter 6

I own no one but my own people

A/N This chapter was supposed to be much longer, like we're talking like 8,000 plus words, but I decided to cut the two parts of the chapter in half so it's a little shorter than average but hopefully you'll enjoy this chap none the less. Thanks, and on with the story.

October 15th, 8:12 AM, En Route to St Elizabeth School, Albany NY

"Are you and mom getting a divorce?"

Olivia's eyes widened as she turned towards Lily who was sitting in the passenger seat besides her, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence that had been hanging over them since Olivia told Lily that Alex wasn't gonna be able to come to the school with them.

"What?" Olivia asked in perplexity as she turned back to the road. "Lily, why would you ask that?"

Lily shrugged and turned her attention to the floor of the car and began playing with a strand of her hair. "You two didn't talk at all last night, mom slept on the couch, and… I kind of heard you two arguing last night," she admitted with an apologetic murmur.

Olivia groaned loudly as she turned down another street bringing them nearer to the school that Lila had strongly recommended to them. "How much did you hear?"

Lily hesitated for a moment before she muttered something unintelligible.

"I didn't hear you, Lily."

Lily forced herself to divulge what she had heard Alex shout last night. "She… She said that the election came before us."

Olivia sighed and felt a new surge of anger for Alex when she heard that their daughter had actually heard the careless statement.

"She didn't mean it, Lily," Olivia assured her although she couldn't look into Lily's eyes when she said that. "She's just stressed and when people get stressed they say stupid, heartless, careless things."

"But that's a really mean thing to say though, even if it was by mistake," Lily said and Olivia was heartbroken to hear the makings of tear in her eyes.

"I know it was, Lily, but I promise you she didn't mean it. Your mom loves you more than anything and don't you ever doubt that okay? No matter what she says or does, she DOES love you and so do I."

Lily nodded wordlessly and wiped the beginnings of her tears away. "Alright… But that still doesn't answer my question. Are you and mom gonna get divorced?"

Olivia glanced over to her and bit her bottom lip. She wanted more than anything to give her a sure and definite 'no'. To be one hundred percent positive and sure when she said that there was no way in hell or heaven that she and Alex were getting a divorce. That the question itself was baseless and had not a single ounce of merit to it.

But she couldn't. And the fact she wasn't sure that she couldn't terrified her.

So instead Olivia gave Lily her most trustworthy smile and put herself in 'undercover mode', making everything she said, no matter how big or small a lie it was, sound completely believable to all except Elliot and Alex. "No, Lily, we're not."

Lily, satisfied with the half truth, gave Olivia a beaming smile before she turned back out her window and the silence resumed in the small car.

The moment Lily had turned away from her Olivia dropped the facade and her features contorted into a look of unease. She would have to talk to Alex tonight. She didn't want Lily asking these kinds of questions, a teenager shouldn't HAVE to ask those kinds of questions about their parents…

Driving away any look of unhappiness, Olivia forced a smile onto her lips as they saw the monumental school in front of them although it took an effort on her part not to shudder at the intensity of it.

It was a large old stone building with terraces and several drab white windows blocked with white blinds. Its doors were made of heavy black wood and Olivia swallowed her unease as she caught a glimpse of a concrete cross at the very top of the building.

"It looks very… strict," Lily commented as Olivia pulled into the parking lot and took the first available spot, glancing around the parking lot and was astounded to see that their two year old car was easily the oldest car in the lot.

Olivia swallowed her words that would agree with Lily and smiled down at her. "Oh come on, Lily, it doesn't look that bad. It looks a little old but it looks… nice none the less."

Lily looked up at her in skepticism and raised a brow at her.

Olivia cleared her throat and looked down at the ground before she opened her door with Lily doing the same on her side.

They looked up at the building for a moment and looked at one another for a moment before Olivia took Lily by the hand and led her through the parking lot.

"You know your mom went here," Olivia told her in an attempt to make Lily somewhat more comfortable with the intimidating building.

"Great," Lily muttered as she cast her eyes to the floor.

Olivia bit her lip at the sound of Lily's gloom but she forced herself to continue on.

The two finally reached the main doors and Olivia held open the door for herself and Lily.

Olivia cast a glance around the main entrance and Olivia suddenly felt like she was in a museum. It had dark brown wooden floors and red brick walls decorated with various pictures, awards, trophies, and certificates behind a long glass trophy case that stretched the length of the hall.

"Can I just not go to school?" Lily pleaded as she examined the show case.

"You have to go to school, Lily. And who knows, maybe the fact this place looks so strict might actually encourage you to raise your grades a little."

Lily ignored Olivia's partially harsh look that followed her words and continued to look at the awards and her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open before a smile broke out on her face. "Mama, come look at this."

Olivia went over to where Lily was examining the case. "Look there," Lily instructed as she pointed to a large framed picture behind the display. "Look at that picture of the cheerleaders, the one holding the trophy," she said with a beaming grin.

Olivia followed her daughter's instructions and couldn't help but laugh when she saw an eighteen year old Alex beaming at the photographer holding a large golden trophy that was now displayed besides the picture, being held up by two other cheerleaders who were also beaming. "1989 New York State Cheerleading champions private school sector, first place," Olivia read out loud, "Wow… Even back then she was determined to be the best."

"She did," Lily mumbled as her eyes gazed over the old photos and articles from the years Alex would have been in high school. "Class president, soccer captain, Prom Queen, head of the Debate team, valedictorian… She was perfect."

Olivia heard the slight sorrow in Lily's voice and she shrugged carelessly. "Yeah but think of how busy she must have been. Plus I would have MUCH rather been in band than any of those."

Lily blushed slightly and a small crack of a smile shined through. "Really?"

Olivia nodded earnestly. "Definitely. Of course I didn't have nearly the amount of talent you'd need to play an instrument and we've both heard your mom try to play your trumpet..."

Lily chuckled softly and looked up at Olivia and gave her a petite smile. "It is really hard; probably a lot harder than writing a speech or kicking a ball into a net."

Olivia chuckled and nodded in agreement as she pushed a piece of hair away from Lily's face. "I love you so much, you know that?"

"I love you too, Mama."

The two took a final glimpse into the display case before they continued down the hallways trying to look for either a teacher or a student who could tell them where it was they were supposed to go.

They had just turned onto another hall when a loud shrill of a bell rang and the doors around them opened and students flooded the halls.

"I gotta wear a uniform? Are you serious?" Lily groaned softly as she watched the students come out of the classrooms. The girls were wearing a dark blue skirt that went to their knees with a light blue blouse tucked into the skirts with a dark blue belt holding it up, neither article of clothing flattering to any of their forms at all, with dark blue knee socks and black clunky shoes completed the ensemble.

The boys had on a dark blue suit with a light blue shirt underneath and a dark blue tie to match the suit color and black dress shoes dawned their feet.

Olivia shared Lily's sentiments, having never been much of a fan of uniforms in school, but she decided that agreeing with her about them at the time wouldn't have been exactly been the best thing to do.

Olivia saw an adult with an arm full of books walk toward them and Olivia nodded to her and Lily followed as they went up to the woman.

"Excuse me," Olivia greeted and the teacher turned towards them. "Hi, I need to get her registered and I was wondering where I go to do that?"

The woman smiled kindly at them. "I'm actually going there now if you just wanna follow me. I'm Katherine DeAngelo, the assistant secretary here at the school."

"I'm Olivia Benson and this is my daughter Lily," said Olivia as she motioned to Lily.

Lily smiled timidly at Katherine and she gave her a pleasant smile back. "Hi, Lily. You excited about going to a new school?"

"Kind of… I think. I mean except the uniforms," Lily admitted honestly as the three of them turned a corner.

Katherine nodded in understanding. "Yeah we get that a lot from the transferring students but you'll be happy to know that every Friday as long as they follow the schools dress code you're allowed to wear your own clothing."

"That sounds really great," said Olivia enthusiastically with a tiny nod towards Lily who mustered a weak grin at the news.

"So what kind of things are you into, Lily?"

Lily shrugged wordlessly and Katherine clicked her tongue. "I'm sure you're into something. We have a lot of sports and clubs here at the school that I'm sure you'll enjoy."

"Do you have a band?" asked Olivia.

"Yes we do. We won state in the private school system section several times as well."

"See that, Lily," Olivia said with a grin. "You could join up band again."

"I told you I didn't want to be in the band anymore," Lily reminded her softly as she looked up with her, although Olivia could see a fleck of hope light up Lily's eyes. "I grew out of it."

"But you used to love it so much," argued Olivia. "You were so happy when you were practicing or when you played at your concerts. I can remember how excited you were when you got picked for Jazz Ensemble. You loved it so much, you-."

"I'm sorry, 'Jazz Ensemble'?" Katherine interrupted.

Olivia nodded. "Back in her old school they had band then they also had the jazz ensemble. It was the best band members in the school and all they played was jazz. Lily was first seat trumpet in both of them."

Katherine's smile faded for a brief moment but she had gained it back once more although they could see that it was forced. "I see… Well we do have a select band you'll have to audition for after your initial audition but all we play is the classics and… more appropriate music. Now if you'll just follow me it's the third door on the left."

Silently they continued on to the main office. Once they arrived Katherine held open the door for the two of them and they made their way into the tiny office and Olivia gasped softly when she walked in, stopping both her and Lily dead in their tracks.

Inside there were four rolling chair with a large desk with three computer monitors on top of it along with several file inboxes with various notes telling what each one was for with six large metal filing cabinets stood in the back.

But it wasn't the mundane furniture that made Olivia and Lily stop suddenly. It was the large wooden cross hanging on the back wall next to the filing cabinets with a large portrait of Christ hanging beside it.

"I have a feeling Grandma wasn't telling us everything when it came to that school," Lily muttered soft enough for only Olivia to hear. Olivia nodded in agreement as Katherine turned to them. "First door on the right, the principal's name is Reverend Mitchell Aspartame. You can go in and see him now."

"Reverend?" Olivia repeated weakly.

Katherine nodded. "Yes, Reverend. Is there a problem?"

Olivia took a deep breath and rubbed her temples in annoyance. "No," she groaned softly.

Katherine gave her a puzzled look before she went behind the desk and began to type rapidly on the keyboard.

With a final glance over at the cross and painting that dawned the wall, they made their way into the room where Katherine had instructed them.

Olivia knocked timidly on the door and was greeted with a simple, "come in."

Olivia opened the door and both she and Lily walked into the room.

Olivia swallowed hard once more as she looked over the desk at the man sitting behind it.

He was a lean tall man with severe gray eyes and short black hair with several streaks of gray. He looked like he was about fifty and had on a black shirt with a black jacket over it with the white collar surrounding his neck.

Mitchell looked up at them and smiled thoughtfully at the both of them. "I'm Reverend Mitchell Aspartame; the principal or St Elizabeth's, how may I help you?"

"My name is Olivia Benson; I'd like to register my daughter Lily."

Mitchell smiled and nodded. "Of course, we're always welcome to new students. Now in case you're not aware this school does have student uniform and on Fridays if the student wishes they can wear their own clothing but it has to meet the dress code requirement. Jeans or slacks that aren't excessively baggy or tight and shirts with no foul language or messages and that aren't too tight or see through. Shoulders must be covered at all time and all pants, shorts, skirts, and dresses must come to at least the knee. Girls are allowed to wear more than three inch heels."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Of course, Reverend Mitchell, we understand completely."

Mitchell gave Olivia a brief smile before he turned to Lily. "Now, Lily, do you know what you-."

But he was interrupted when the door opened and a young girl around Lily's age wearing the ugly uniform walked in carrying what appeared to be a large stack of papers.

The girl looked nice enough. She had dark brown hair in a braided plait down her back with soft green eyes and an olive complexion.

"Mrs. Kings wants' to know if- I'm sorry, I'll come back," the girl quickly apologized as she spotted Lily and Olivia.

"No, no it's fine Kerstin," Mitchell said and waved her back over. "You're not interrupting anything too serious, just getting a new student ready to come to St Elizabeth's. Kirsten meet Lily Benson, Lily meet Kirsten Montague."

The girl called Kerstin turned to Lily and smiled at her and Lily instantly shrunk back. "Hi."

Lily cleared her throat. "H- Hi."

Kirsten smiled kindly at her before Lily's shirt caught her eye. "Cute shirt."

Lily looked down at the top, a long sleeve black cotton shirt that was somewhat tight with a large hot pink heart sequined on the top. "Oh, um thanks."

"Where'd you get it?"

"Micro," Lily answered and Olivia saw her body become more relaxed a fraction.

Kirsten narrowed her eyes in confusion. "I never heard of that."

"It's this clothing shop in Manhattan I used to go all the time too," Lily explained, "it's got really cute clothes."

"You've been to Manhattan? I've ALWAYS wanted to go there. How was it?"

"I lived there my entire life actually. We just moved up here yesterday."

Kirsten's eyes widened in amazement before her face broke out into an even wider grin and Lily felt something swell inside her she hadn't felt for a long time. Happiness. "You LIVED in Manhattan? Oh my god that's like so cool! I would like kill to be you."

Lily blushed at Kirsten's words and a shy smile graced her features. "Thanks," she muttered happily.

Kirsten let out a laugh at Lily's blush. "Don't be so shy," she said not unkindly. "I thought all New Yorkers were supposed to be all loud and outgoing."

"Maybe that's why they kicked me out," Lily said with a weak chuckle.

"And you're a Twilight fan, even better," Kirsten said with another smile. "Okay so you and me have like got to get together sometime. I want to know like everything about New York. If you go to class today before lunch meet me by the door and you and me can hang. If not just look for me in the cafeteria and come sit down with us."

Lily struggled with all her might not to let the tears of pure and utter joy run down her face. "You're inviting me to sit with you at lunch? With you and your friends?"

Kirsten nodded carelessly; unaware she had just given both Olivia and Lily the best gift she had received from anyone in years. "Yeah. I mean if you want to eat with us that is."

"I do," Lily assured her with a nod and a beaming smile. "Trust me I do."

"Cool, so I'll see you tomorrow or today than."

Kirsten gave her another smile before she turned to Mitchell. "Sorry but um Mrs. King wants you to look over the play we decided on for this spring," she told him as she handed him the stack of papers that turned out to be a script.

Mitchell nodded and took it away from Kirsten. "Sure. Tell her I'll have my decision to her by the end of the week."

"Sure." Kirsten turned back to Lily and gave her a final smile. "See you later, Lily."

"See ya," Lily replied as she gave her a brief wave.

Without another word Kirsten left the office, shutting the door behind her.

Lily at once turned to Olivia and smiled the biggest shad in months. "I love it here," Lily said brightly. "I'll even wear the uniforms if you let me go here."

Olivia laughed and nodded. "I wouldn't want it any other way, Lily."

Lily's smile grew bigger if possible and they both turned back to Mitchell who was grinning happily.

"Now that is what I like to see. Two girls, never had a single clue in the world who were strangers just five minutes ago, and now you're on your way to becoming friends. If that isn't a sign that god isn't shining on this school, I don't know what is. Now before we were happily interrupted, I was wondering, Lily, if you knew what you wanted to do after you get done with high school.

"I wanna be a lawyer; a prosecutor like my mom."

He chuckled and turned back to Olivia before he spoke. "It's always nice to see children follow in their parent's footsteps. What kind of law do you practice, Ms. Benson?"

"Oh I'm not a lawyer, I'm a detective."

Mitchell nodded in understanding and turned to Lily with a sympathetic look on his features. "I understand. I'm so sorry, Lily. Is your real mother with God?"

Lily parted her lips in confusion. "No…"

"Were you taken away from a neglectful home?"

Lily shook her head. "No."

This time it was Mitchell's turn to look mystified. "I don't… forgive me, I don't understand. You introduced yourself as her mother and she said that her mother is a lawyer… but you just said you're a police officer."

Olivia cleared her throat and folded her hands in her lap. "Lily has two mothers. My wife and I are her parents."

Mitchell's face fell. "Your… 'wife'?"

"Married for fifteen years," Olivia said as she held up the hand with her wedding band on it.

Mitchell cleared his throat before he sat back and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry; Ms. Benson, but we can't allow Lily into our school."

Lily let out a gasp of disbelief and Olivia let her eyes narrow in confusion, "what do you mean you can't allow my daughter into your school?" Olivia asked dangerously.

"I'm sorry did you give birth to her?" asked Mitchell, surprising both of them with the harsh tone he now spoke with. "If you didn't than you have no respects in calling her your daughter."

Olivia clenched her hand in a fist tightly and struggled to contain both her shaking as well as her fury. "I've raised her," she spat angrily, "I've given her food, shelter, warmth, more love than I have ever given anyone else in my life, so excuse me, but I have EVERY damn right in the book to call Lily my daughter, and how DARE you say otherwise!"

"Calm down or I'll have security escort you and her out of here."

"Please, Reverend," Lily pleaded and Olivia had to hold back her own tears when she heard Lily's voice full of them. "Please let me come here! I'll do anything, but please. I didn't have a single friend back in New York, please let me start over."

"I'm sorry, Lily, but God looks down in favor on those who haven't sinned and punish those who do, and that includes your mothers and you."

"Hang the hell on!" Olivia shouted dangerously. "Alright we have the money and resources to send her here, my wife is about to become the next senator in NY! You cannot deny her entrance into this school!"

"This is a private school," Mitchell shot back, "I have every right in the world to deny whatever prospecting students I feel don't fit the criteria of this institution. Plus I have the other student's safety to worry about."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Olivia spat with venom in every syllable in her word.

Mitchell turned his attention to Lily who looked down at the ground avoided his heated gaze. "We start making the female students shower together after gym class in 6th grade. We can't endanger them by having someone who could very possibly be attracted to them or who might attack them sexually in there with them."

Lily blushed furiously and took a shuddering breath in an attempt to stop the tears that began to build in her eyes. It didn't work.

Olivia stood up so fast that she stunned both Lily and Mitchell, knocking the chair over in the process. She pointed her hand right in his face; her breathing began to hasten. "How DARE you talk to my daughter like that!" she snarled. "How fucking dare you!"

He pressed a button on his desk. "Miss DeAngelo, will you please contact security and tell them to get to my office now."

"Right away, Reverend," the voice on the intercom sounded.

"So how many little boys have you brought into your office for a little private studying?" Olivia growled, ignoring the fact that security had just been called on the two of them.

Mitchell stood up and Lily jumped back from the desk and Olivia quickly pushed her behind her. "That is BEYOND inappropriate and how dare you make an accusation like that!" he shouted.

"But it's okay to accuse my daughter of being a rapist?"

Mitchell simply looked down at Lily who was still hiding behind Olivia and gave her the coldest look she had ever received. "If the shoe fits…"

"Mama, don't!" Lily screamed as Olivia lunged for the man, grabbing him by the jacket and pulling him face down on the desk.

Olivia had just raised her fist to hit him when the door slammed open and two armed officers burst in. One of them grabbed Lily and that was all it took for Olivia to snap out of her rage directed at the man on the desk.

"Get your hands off her!" Olivia growled as she let go of Mitchell and rounded on the guard who had Lily's forearm in a tight grip.

"Get them out of here!" yelled Mitchell as he stood up and backed away from the desk.

The other guard went to grab Olivia's arm but she wrenched out of his hold. "You touch me again and I will arrest you for assaulting a cop and unless you let go of my daughter in the next second you won't HAVE a hand to grab anything anymore!"

The guard holding a now crying Lily released her and Olivia grasped her tightly by the hand and without another word to any of them stormed out of the office.

A large gathering had grown outside both the door and the office of students and faculty and they split the moment Olivia stormed towards them, nearly dragging Lily behind her.

Olivia walked as fast as she could to the car still breathing heavily from the recent encounter. Lily was silent apart from the sniffling that came from the struggle to hold back her tears.

They reached the car and Olivia wrenched open the door and sat down in the driver's seat. Lily hastily made her way over to the passenger side and silently slid in next to Olivia.

"Calm down!" Olivia screamed at herself s she gripped the steering wheel so tight it caused her pain breathing heavily. "You're not driving like this, not with Lily in the car! You need to calm down!"

After several moments of silence and more deep breathing, Olivia pulled the keys out of her pocket and started the car, turning off the stereo that had begun playing the moment the engine turned over.

Olivia took a few more deep breaths before she put the car in drive and drove off with Lily sniffling besides her.

It was a long, silent ride home. The only sounds made were Lily's sniffling and Olivia's heavy breathing.

A half hour later they arrived at Lila's house and Olivia shut off the car and the two sat in silence for a bit.

Olivia hated this. She hated herself, she hated that Lily was holding back tears because she had a chance to go to a great school where the students would act decent to her and she couldn't because of something she didn't get to choose, she hated that she couldn't change what she was so that Lily could have it easier in life, she hated the fact that for one brief shining moment Lily had felt like a normal girl her age and it had been ripped away from her in a heartbeat.

Olivia took a deep breath and turned towards Lily who had silent tears rolling down her face and a look of a storm brewing in her features. She took another breath before she began to speak with an air of an apology. "I'm sorry, Lily. We'll find you a new school you can go to. A public one, without all of the religious crap associated with it."

Lily shook her head. "I don't wanna go to school," she snapped angrily.

"Lily, you have to."

"I don't want to!" Lily suddenly yelled as she rounded on Olivia. "Okay, I hate school! I never want to go to another school again! I've hated it for like the past seven years! I have no friends, everyone hates me, and it's all because of you and mom!"

"Lily, calm down."

"You don't know what it's like!" Lily screamed as tears ran down her face ignoring Olivia's words, "to have nobody! You don't know what it's like to sit at an empty lunch table and have people who don't know you stare at you and wonder what you did so that you don't have any friends! I want to be normal, I want to have friends, I want people to stop looking at me and calling me a freak because of what you and mom are! People hate me because you two aren't normal and I hate it! Why didn't you just let me die and choose to save mom! You would have done me a huge favor!"

Without another word Lily wrenched the door and slammed it shut leaving Olivia in a state beyond shock.

She had never heard Lily yell at anyone much less her like that. But deep down she knew it was coming. It was just a matter of when.

But what had really left her stunned were her last few words. Olivia had never told Lily once in her life remotely what had happened when she was born. Yes she had told her that she managed to get the cord wrapped around her throat and almost died but she had NEVER mentioned the choice Olivia made to save her over Alex.

Who the hell could have told her?

Olivia pulled herself from her stupor and got out of the car and almost ran into the house just in time to see Lily reach the top of the steps.

"Lillian Benson, you stay right there!" snapped Olivia using her best interrogation room tone before Lily had taken another step towards her room.

Lily wiped her eyes furiously and whipped towards Olivia who was quickly descending up the stairs. "What?" Lily asked in the snippiest tone she could muster.

Olivia ignored the attitude and went over to her and bent down in front of her. "I want the truth," Olivia told her, her voice softening several degrees. "I won't be mad, I promise, but why would you say you wish I choose Alex to save instead of you? Where did you hear that from?"

"It doesn't matter," Lily muttered angrily. "It's true."

"Don't you EVER say that again!" Olivia yelled, her heart filling up with fright at Lily's words. She made a mental note to call Huang before the day was over. Yes she was a teenager but did she honestly ant to die or did she just say it out or spite and anger. She prayed with all of her heart it was the later. "But you were never supposed to find out about it, and I want to know who told you," she continued.

"I told you it doesn't matter," Lily repeated as tears began to flood her eyes. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Her words stung her but she had to know. She had to know who had actually been stupid enough to tell Lily that she had almost killed her mother because Olivia choose to save her.

"You're my daughter; it's my job not to leave you alone. Now tell me…" Olivia said letting some of her anger creep in her words.

"No!"

"Then you're grounded."

Lily's eyes widened to almost monumental degrees. "You can't!"

"I'm your mother, yes I can. Now either tell me or face two weeks without TV, radio, IPod, laptop, or anything else with a cord that isn't a bedside lamp."

Lily let out a frustrated scream before she turned her attention back to Olivia. "It was mom, okay? Mom told me about a year ago. Now will you just leave me alone?"

Without waiting for a response Lily stormed away into her room leaving Olivia alone and livid in the hallway…

Please Review


	7. Chapter 7

I own no one but my own people

October 15th, New York Times Interview Room, 8:52 AM

Alex coughed as the woman doing her hair sprayed what seemed to be half a can of hairspray on her straight locks.

"Do you think you could go a bit easy on the sprays?" Alex coughed as she picked up another can of root lifter and sprayed it on her head.

"I'm sorry who's the hair dresser and who's the politician with more split ends than I can count?" the woman snapped as she picked up another can of something or other and sprayed it on her.

Alex rolled her eyes before she leaned back in the comfortable chair and sighed heavily both from nerves and annoyance.

A familiar voice suddenly cried out from the hallway. "Alex, where you at?"

"In here," Alex called back to the voice.

A moment later Chris rushed in, carrying several large binders full to the breaking point of papers.

"Did you go over the statements about the financial plan decrease for union workers?" Chris spoke as fast as he could, his behavior a complete 180 from the night before. Now it was all business between the two colleagues.

"Yes," Alex answered just as rapidly.

"Okay, and we both decided you're gonna say you're AGIANST police union budget increases right?"

Alex groaned loudly and looked at him with the same desperation in her face every time this issue was brought up. "Chris, I can't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because I've worked with cops almost my entire carrier, I'm married to one… I know they need more funds. I support the police union and you know this."

A small glare lit up Chris's face. "You go out there and say you're against every union apart from the police union they're going to label you a special interest politician and they're gonna think you're just supporting them because Olivia is pressuring you to say that."

"Can't I just say I'm against unions with my own personal exceptions?"

He let out an exasperated sigh and Alex shrunk back. "That works for the abortion and death penalty arguments, not union matters. You're against unions; including police unions do you understand me?"

Alex looked at him for a moment before she nodded in agreement. Chris gave her a rushed smile before she turned to the hairdresser. "You say anything to anyone about that conversation and I sue you for slander."

The hairdresser scoffed at his threat and grabbed a small comb and began to work it through Alex's hair. "I've been working here for twenty years… Do you honestly think hearing a politician is lying to the people is the juiciest thing I've heard?"

The hair dresser unclipped the large black smock and pulled it off of her before she grabbed a tiny cordless vacuum and began to clean off the small hair and fuzzes on her jacket.

"You're done," the hair dresser told Alex as she moved away from the blonde.

Alex stood up from the chair and turned to Chris. "How do I look?" she asked as she smoothed out her outfit.

They had given her a light gray designer jacket over a white silk top with a matching pencil skirt and skin tone stockings with light gray heels.

Chris looked her over for a moment before he turned back to her face and smiled. "You look beautiful, Alex."

She turned away from his face and blushed at his words. "Thanks," she muttered with a shy grin.

Chris chuckled and took a step closer to her leaving almost zero room between the two. Alex's heart began pounding furiously against her chest. A silence broke out in the dressing room as he brought his hands up and pushed a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

"That hairdresser is gonna kill you," Alex breathed trying her best to ignore her rapid breathing.

"I could care less," Chris muttered as his eyes searched her face.

Alex swallowed hard as his eyes met hers. His hands came up and wrapped around her waist and pulled her even closer than before. "Chris, wait-."

They were interrupted with a knocking that made the two of them jump. They both come back to the ground with a thud as the door opened.

A man wearing a headset popped his head in and smiled at her. "They're ready for you, Mrs. Cabot."

Alex gave him a shaky grin and nodded. "Sure… Just tell me where to go."

Chris let out a breath of annoyance as he released Alex and she turned to follow the young temp without looking back at him.

He followed them to the interview room, and Alex raised a now perfectly manicured brow at the simplicity at it. Just two comfortable looking chairs and a table with a bottle of water on it…

"Pictures will be taken after the interview," the temp explained. "Ms. Waters has to be somewhere at 10:30. Now you'll just gonna answer the questions than after we'll run the pictures okay?"

Alex nodded at the young temp before he gave her another comforting smile. "Have a seat if you want, she'll be in any moment now."

Alex was still rendered speechless as wrung her hands together as she turned towards Chris as nerves filled her to the brim. "What if I say something stupid?"

"You're not gonna say anything stupid," Chris assured her. "This is just like any other interview, okay? Just give the answers we talked about and you'll do fine."

She opened her mouth to thank him for his kind words but suddenly the door slammed open and both Chris and Alex turned to it and watched as a strict looking woman strode in.

Her gray eyes were sharp and alert with not a hint of a smile on her pale face with her red hair pulled back into a ponytail.

Her outfit consisted of nothing more than a pair of black slacks and a black turtleneck with a tape recorder and two notebooks in hand.

Alex and Chris looked at one another before Alex took a deep breath and walked over to the woman with the smile that became plastered on her face whenever she had met reporters in the last few months.

Before Alex could say a single word the woman had already interrupted her.

Her voice was stern, cold, and right to the point. "Hello, Mrs. Cabot, my name is Verona Waters, NY Times reporter."

Alex stock out her hand and smiled widely at the woman easily hiding her fear form the intimidating woman. "Alexandra Cabot, such a pleasure to meet you."

Waters gave her hand a short firm shake before she motioned to the chairs in front of her.

Waters walked swiftly over to the chairs with Alex falling behind her like a lost puppy. "I'm going to keep this short, sweet, and to the point, but I promise you this will be front page material. Sit down."

Alex followed the writer's instructions and quickly took a seat in the chair closest to her while Waters took the other one.

Waters quickly clicked on the tape recorder and opened up her notebook and Alex saw the most miniscule writing she had ever seen in her life; with her name mentioned several times throughout the paper as well as Olivia's.

"Now, Mrs. Cabot," Waters began drawing Alex's eyes away from the notebook as she opened up the other notebook that was seemingly empty. "The reason you are here today is to discuss your upcoming campaign, your thoughts on New York State's policies, what you hope to accomplish if you were to win the election so on and so forth. But the real reason I called you down here is to clear up some very interesting rumors I've been hearing."

"Of course," Alex said with a small nod. "I'll be happy to clear up any and all rumors about me, my family, or my policies. The people deserve to know the truth about who's running their state."

She saw Chris give her a curt nod in the corner of her eye as she recited the line she had repeated to millions of people and reporters.

Waters smiled and Alex couldn't help but see a cold callousness in her features but it was gone before she could have been sure. "My sentiments exactly, Mrs. Cabot… Now you've said in previous interviews not conducted by the New York Times that you discovered you were sexually attracted to females at age fifteen?"

"Yes. I struggled with my sexuality for several years before and after but now I'm fine with it and have been for the last twenty years or so." After another moment Alex couldn't help but smile as she added, "my wife is actually the one who gave me the strength to be comfortable in my own skin."

"Really? Well if you're so comfortable with your sexuality then when did you agree to go on a romantic dinner date with a male just under two weeks before your wedding date?"

Alex's blood ran cold. Her breath caught in her chest. A frigid sweat broke out and she wiped at her brow, ignoring Chris's astonished look. "I'm… I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"

"Why, if you were so comfortable with being sexually attracted to females, did you go on a voluntarily date with a man 12 days before your wedding date?"

Alex stammered as her mind struggled to string two words together. "I... I have no idea what you're talking about. And forgive me, but how did you get this information?"

"My sources are confidential, Mrs. Cabot. We're come back to that question and let's talk about Olivia for a moment shall we? How long have you two been together?"

Alex cleared her throat as she forced the words together. "We've been together for seventeen years, married for fifteen."

"And you've always been happy? Always been content and in love with one another?"

Alex nodded and suspended a glower when she saw Chris silently roll his eyes at her actions. "Yes."

"Are you sure? Because my source indicated that Olivia left you twice before you were married. Once when you simply referred to her as your roommate and another time when lied and said you were dating a man."

Before the words left her mouth Alex couldn't look the reporter in the eyes. "I have never lied about my relationship with my wife."

Waters nodded, scribbling down the words in her empty notebook not even looking up when the next words left her mouth. "And has Olivia always been physically attracted to women?"

"Olivia knew she was attracted to females since she was twelve years old. She's never struggled with her identify of a homosexual woman."

"Has she ever been with a male either sexually or romantically?"

"No," Alex said with an air of confidence. "She's never been intimate with a man and has zero desire to do so."

Waters looked positively baffled. "Well if she's never been with a man then why did she clam to be dating her partner Elliot Stabler much less had several instances of public displays of affection with him?"

Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Olivia and Elliot are nothing but friends and have never been anything more than friends. They have never claimed to be anything more than that."

"So then why did my source say he saw the two of them quote on quote 'making out' just days before Olivia proposed to you? And why did YOU claim that they were a couple?"

Alex looked over at Chris for help who looked just as astonished as Alex as he threw up his hands in despair. She turned back to Waters and shook her head. "Your source is mistaken. Olivia and Elliot have NEVER made out or gone out on a date, and I have never said they were a couple. Where are you getting all of this from?"

"I can't name my source, Mrs. Cabot," Waters said much sternly then she had started out. "And while we're on the subject of Olivia, why did she get out of criminal charges when she assaulted a man with absolutely zero provocation?"

"Olivia has never assaulted anyone!" Alex was seething and she could see Chris getting jumpy but at this point she could have cared less. "Where the hell are you getting this nonsense from?"

"So Olivia never assaulted anyone without provocation? She never _threatened_ anyone?"

"No, she didn't."

"She never threatened a man saying that he was going to be 'spending Christmas a falsetto' because his hand just so happened to touch your back? She didn't almost break the wrist of that man? Did she not threaten that same man a year later simply for visiting you in the hospital? Do you think it's fair that your wife got off on an assault charge simply because she's a member of the NYPD?"

Alex's head was swirling as she struggled to place all of the puzzle pieces together. Who would know these kinds of things much less who would go and blab to a reporter about them? "She's never used her position to get out of any charge!"

They heard Chris storm over to her and he placed his hands on Alex's shoulders in what appeared to be a protective manner. "Where are you getting all these rumors?"

"Confidential source," answered Waters with a smug look on her face.

"Confidential my ass, tell me now or this interview is over!"

"I would go to jail before I give up my sources."

"Well you go ahead and do that because she's not going to sit here and answer these slanderous lies! Alex, let's go!"

With a murderous glare towards the woman in front of her Alex got up from the chair and followed Chris out of the studio.

"I don't know what the hell was going on in there," Chris muttered darkly as Alex walked silently behind him as they reached the parking lot. "But I want the truth and I want it now."

"I don't know," Alex answered honestly. "I don't know who the hell could have told her that stuff… I don't even know what the hell she was talking about. Look I'm sure it'll all blow over soon."

Chris rounded on her and put a hand up to stop her from taking another step. "No, Alex it won't! Okay, right now your biggest problem is the rumors that you and Olivia are pretending to be lesbians just to get the gay vote and this idiot comes along and says that you and Olivia have dated men weeks before you were engaged and days before you were married! What the hell is going on here, Alex?"

"I don't know!" shouted Alex as angry tears filled her eyes. "I don't know what the hell she was talking about in there! Jus- just give me a moment to figure it out, alright!"

Chris watched as Alex took a deep breath and rubbed her temple in a clear sign of distress. "Can… can you just take me home? I can't think right now."

He let out a heavy sigh but never the less nodded. "Fine. We'll talk about this when we get to your mother's house."

"Thank you," Alex muttered as she looked down at the floor and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Chris looked at her for a moment before he put a finger under her chin and lifted her head up so that her eyes met his. "We're gonna figure this out, Alex. I promise."

Alex gave him a weak smile and nodded. "I know we will."

Chris returned the smile and took a step closer to her. Alex closed her eyes as her breathing hitched and her heart pounced. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to take a step closer to him...

The notion had barley pierced her mind when she forced it away and took several steps back, hating herself for what she had thought moments ago.

"Let's go," Alex muttered almost unintelligently as she began to walk towards Chris's car.

Chris groaned and ran a hand through his hair as he gave her a furious glare. God she was starting to get on his nerves!

Every time he had come within an inch of the prize she seemed to dance further away from him. No piece of ass was worth this much effort... How the hell her bitch of a wife managed to be patient enough to wait for Alex to put out was beyond his comprehension.

But as he watched her walked away he felt his eyes glued to her curves he smiled. He could wait for her to fall for his charm a bit longer. Patience was a virtue after all…

October 15th, Lila and Max's House, 11:32 AM

Alex sighed heavily as Chris finally pulled into the driveway of her parent's house. It had been a silent uneventful ride back to Albany and right now all she wanted to do was go lay down in her bed in Olivia's arms and forget what had just happened.

She couldn't even begin to think who had leaked those things about her and Olivia. Who would go through all the trouble to ruin her and Olivia's reputation? It just didn't make any sense…

Chris turned off the car and looked over at Alex and gave her a gloomy smile. "We'll figure it out, Alex. I promise. I'll break out all my resources. We're gonna get his prick."

Alex ignored his empty promises and turned to him. "All I want to do is go inside, have a drink, and forget this shitty day ever happened."

Chris nodded in understanding as he and Alex got out of the car and made their way to the house.

Alex didn't even take a single step inside when she heard Olivia's voice from up stairs.

"Alex, is that you?"

Alex froze in the doorway. Her voice had been cold and angry. Something Alex knew by experience she didn't like being around when she sounded like that.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Y… yes."

Alex winced as she heard Olivia's footsteps storm out of the room and over to the stairs. She suddenly wished she could run away as fast as she could away from the house as she saw Olivia's face. Her eyes were narrowed into angry slits and her fists were clenched and shaking as if she wanted nothing more than to hit the closest person those fists could reach.

Olivia stormed over to her leaving no room between Alex and her. "Why the hell did you tell her?"

Alex took a step back away from the irate woman but Olivia took another step forward.

"Told her what?" Alex stammered as she took another step back nearly tripping over the carpet her hands raised in front of her.

Olivia raised her hand and pointed a finger directly in Alex's face. "Don't give me that shit; you know exactly what I'm talking about! Why did you do it, Alex? What the hell was going through your head?"

"Don't talk to her like that!" Chris shouted and started to go up to the two but a single look from Olivia kept him at bay and his mouth shut.

Olivia jerked back to Alex who continued to back away from her wife. Only twice in their entire relationship did Alex fear that Olivia would ever physically hurt her. The first was when Alex slapped her so many years ago and the other was right this second. "No I don't!" Alex cried. "What the hell are you TALKING about?"

"I'm talking about you telling Lily I choose to save her instead of you!" Olivia screamed.

Alex closed her eyes as Olivia's words filled the air. Shit.

Olivia's scream was followed by several running footsteps and Alex looked towards the doorway and saw Max, Lila, and James all looking at the display in front of them with wide amazed eyes.

"What the hell is going on?" Max asked as he walked hastily over to the two of them and placed his hands on Olivia's shoulders not for comfort but to keep her from physically lashing out at Alex.

Alex opened her mouth to tell the three of them that there was no need for their input but Olivia was quicker.

"She told Lily I choose her over Alex when she was born!"

Alex groaned as Max and James turned to her. Their features were filled to the edge of astonishment. Lila simply looked confused at the words Olivia had just announced.

"Alex, why would you do that?" Max gasped. "Why would you tell her something like that?"

"It's not what any of you think!" Alex pleaded as she looked between Olivia and her father.

"May I say something here," Lila spoke and Olivia closed her eyes and Max's grip tightened as her fists began shaking. Olivia turned to her with an intense dislike in her features. "What, Lila? What do you want to say?"

"Who's Lily?"

A dead silence occupied the room for several moments. Alex closed her eyes and when she reopened them she saw Max holding back tears. A look of the upmost distress occupied James's features and Olivia's look turned from fuming to confused. "What the hell do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter," Max muttered as Lila looked at Olivia as if SHE had been the one to say something off the wall. "Alex, why would you tell Lily something like that?"

His words seemed to remind Olivia why she was angry. She snapped towards Alex and her anger for her wife returned at full force.

Alex swallowed hard and opened her mouth. "Olivia, trust me… It's not what you think. I-."

But a loud ring interrupted the blonde and Alex's hand flew to her pocket and pulled out her phone.

"Put the phone down, we're talking!" Olivia shouted but Alex ignored her when she saw the name on the caller ID.

She pressed the answer button and put the phone to her ear. "What do you want, Elliot?" Alex groaned letting him know her displeasure for him calling now.

Elliot's voice was angrier than even Olivia's had been and Alex was glad she was a good two hours from him. "I wanna know why the hell my wife just called me up screaming asking why I never told her me and Olivia was a couple and when did we make out in public!"

"What are you talking about?" Alex demanded.

"Elizabeth was on call at the hospital and she got a text from a friend saying she saw online that Olivia and me were a couple at one point! What the hell is going on, Alex?"

"Some idiot starting up new rumors, I'll handle it," she assured him.

"You handling it doesn't make her believe me when I said Olivia and me are just friends!"

Alex glowered at the phone and opened her mouth to speak but all of a sudden the door slammed open and a woman in her early thirties ran into the house with her hands full of binders, her eyes wide with astonishment and fear.

"Who are you?" Max demanded as the woman ran up to Alex but she ignored his words. "Get out of my house!"

"It's one of my staff, its fine," Alex explained.

"No it's not fine!" Elliot's voice shouted through the phone. "You need to fix this, Alex!"

"I'm not talking to you!" Alex yelled at him.

"Get off the phone and tell me why the hell you told Lily that!" Olivia shouted.

"Who said your staff could come running through the door at any moment?" Max demanded.

Alex turned her attention back to Olivia before the young woman pushed her way into the middle of them, a frantic almost horrified look on her face. "Mrs. Cabot, you forgot to sign the tax statements release and they're due in twenty minutes! I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you earlier!"

"Oh Christ, Alex, I told you take care of that!" Chris groaned.

"I'll take care of it now!" Alex promised as she felt tears well in her eyes.

"No, you're going to tell me why you told Lily that!"

"How the hell are you gonna fix what you said about me and Olivia?"

"Mrs. Cabot, the signatures!"

"Alex!"

"Alex!"

"Alex!"

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Alex's scream stunned the entire room and Lila gasped at Alex's words. She let out a sob and hung up the phone and turned it off before took a deep breath and stormed away from the gaggle of people around her. She ran a shaking hand through her hair before she turned back to the still silent crowd.

Alex pointed to the young woman. "You're fired! If you knew they were due in 20 minutes you should have gotten them to me earlier!"

She then turned her attention to Max caring less about the sob that left the young woman's throat. "I'm staying here until November, my staff is allowed to come in and out whenever the hell they feel like and I could care less what you think!"

Alex snapped towards Olivia and glared furiously at her. "You really wanna know why I told Lily the truth? Fine! A year ago Lily came home sobbing in tears because that Britney bitch and her band of followers told Lily that there was no way you loved her because you weren't a real parent to her and that she didn't deserve to be loved by you! I told her they were lying but she wouldn't believe me and she honestly thought you didn't love her and no matter what I said she wouldn't believe me!

So I finally told her that I knew you loved her because when I was pregnant you had to choose to save me and she would have probably died or save her and I probably would have died and I told her you choose to save her because you loved her more than anything before she was even born and you still do and she should NEVER doubt that you love her! So next time I'll just let you think you hate her alright!"

Without another moment Alex stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

"Alex, wait!" Chris cried as he ran after her also shutting the door after him

"Leave me alone, Chris!" Alex snapped as she stormed over to her car. Chris ignored her instructions and got in the passenger side as she got in the driver's side.

She let out a heart wrenching sob the moment she shut the door and without missing a beat Chris leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, unable to resist smiling as she threw her arms around him and buried her head in his shoulder. "Score," he thought as he buried his head in her hair.

"Everything's okay," Chris muttered softly against the nape of her neck. "Everything's okay, Alex."

"I can't do this anymore!" she sobbed as he held her tighter. "This is ripping my family apart; it's ripping ME apart, Chris! I'm not even gonna win the election anyway!"

"Yes you will," Chris assured her as he rubbed her back slowly. "You're a great politician, Alex. Everyone knows this."

"I ruined my chance today. They're gonna run it like those rumors are true and I didn't want to cooperate! All this hard work is gonna be for nothing! I'm gonna lose my family for nothing!"

"Alex, listen to me," said Chris softly as he pulled away from her. Alex turned her attention to the floor and cast her gaze down to the carpet. Chris put a finger beneath her chin and slowly brought her face back up so that they were eye to eye.

He wiped the tears away from her face with his thumb and leaned in a hair. "You ARE going to win this election no matter what the New York Times puts out in their paper. I promise you. You've worked too hard to lose now."

"But what about Olivia? I can feel her slipping away and I would rather lose this election then lose her… I love her more than anything and I've been acting horrible to her and she doesn't deserve it. She deserves better than me and what I'm putting her through, she and Lily both."

Chris forced the eye roll he so desperately wanted to do at the moment and leaned in even closer. "Maybe Olivia isn't the right person for you to be with. Maybe… maybe you need someone else. Someone who knows what a sacrifice you're making, someone who knows how hard it is and who understands how much stress your under. Someone like me."

Alex remained silent for several seconds. Her heart pounded hard against her chest beating so fast she thought it might burst. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think…

She simply remained frozen as she and Chris looked at one another.

He leaned in first and she found herself leaning in as well. They moved slowly. Alex saw Chris close his eyes and her own fluttered closed. Another half a centimeter and their lips would touch. She could taste his breath on her lips and for one moment… one single god given moment… clarity broke through for the blond.

Chris smoked. Chris smoked a lot. She could taste and smell the cheap tobacco on his breath. Something both she and Olivia detested more than anything.

"Wait," Alex breathed.

Chris's fist clenched and he began shaking. "Alex, don't do this, he muttered, his eyes still closed.

"I'm sorry," she told him as she opened her eyes and backed away from him. "I'm sorry. I never should have let it get this far. I can't do this.

"Alex, come on," Chris pleaded as he opened his own eyes again. "I thought... I thought you had feelings for me."

Tears sprang to Alex's eyes and Chris went to move them away but Alex pulled away from him. "I don't know. I… I never had feelings for a guy like you before.

"Alex, people can realize they're attracted to different things, different people at different times of their lives… Maybe you've just finally realized you're bi."

"I don't care if I'm bi or not. I still love Olivia… And I can't do this to her. I can't cheat on her. I love her, Chris. She's my everything. She's perfect in every sense of the word. I love her more than any job, any election, any one second fling I'd have with you…. I can't do this to her and I'm sorry, Chris, but I'd rather be a simply lawyer with the woman I love more than life standing beside me then a senator with no one."

Chris looked over her face. There was nothing even remotely wanting or needing in her eyes. Not like she had looked at him in the last few days. Now the only thing playing on her features was guilt.

She truly did love Olivia. Heaven help her but Alex actually loved that shrew of a bitch she was married too...

He knew it was hopeless.

Chris leaned up against the door and let out a disappointed sigh. He hung his head heavily and avoided her for a few moments before he spoke. "I'll talk to Wells… See if I can get an extension on those papers."

Alex gave him a thankful smile and gave him a small nod. "Thank you. You've been a really good friend, Chris."

"But that's all you'll ever want to be," Chris muttered unhappily. He looked over at her and gave her a cheerless smile. "Do you want me to take Anna off the pay roll?"

Alex shook her head. "No. I'll go in and talk to her."

"Thought so," he said with a chuckle. He sighed loudly, gave Alex a final smile before he opened the door and walked to his own car.

Once he was gone Alex leaned back against the leather seat and tears rolled down her eyes, the most guilt she had ever felt in her entire life consuming her…

* * *

The room filled with silence apart from the girl Alex had just claimed to fire crying.

Olivia looked down at the floor and bit her bottom lip in an attempt not to shed a tear. "I can't believe this. She thought she was helping me... She DID help me."

Max stepped away from Olivia and took a deep breath. "She's been going through a lot lately. I know the stress and pressure she's under and yes she choose it but it's still a lot for a family can take. Granted that's no excuse for how she's been treating you and Lily or any of us for that matter."

"I know," Olivia muttered softly as she turned to face him. I just… I shouldn't have screamed at her or get in her face like that. I should have asked her calmly before I went on my rampage."

"You were hurt and angry she told Lily that, we all were, Olivia. It wasn't just you."

"I love her more than anything and I... I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to make her feel as bad as I did when I found out Lily knew." Olivia looked back up at Chris with tears in her eyes. "How can I think that about my own wife?"

Max sighed before he turned his attention to James. "Will you go outside and see if Alex is okay?"

James nodded. "Of course, Mr. Cabot."

"Then bring her in here. She and Olivia need to talk."

"James, wait! Max, please," Olivia begged. "I just… just give me a moment please? I can't talk to her. Not now."

"Olivia, listen to me," Max began. "I ran and got elected to the House. I know the strain this puts on a family and I know that the only way you're going to survive this is if you talk to one another and right now neither of you are making a lot of effort to keep your marriage alive. You're pretty much raising Lily on your own, Alex has a pretty much one track mind that's focused on the election… Olivia, me and Lila were in the exact same boat you two are in. But we talked to one another. We survived the election and you two will too because you love one another more than anything and nothing is going to rip you two apart. Not after fifteen years of marriage. Talk to her."

Olivia bowered her head and a tear slipped down her face and she nodded silently. Max gave her a cheerless smile before he turned to James. "James, will you please go get Alex?"

James nodded wordlessly before he turned and left the house shutting it behind him.

He glanced around the yard expecting to see Alex there but she was nowhere to be found. He narrowed his eyes in confusion before he headed off towards the garage where the cars were being stowed.

James had only walked a few steps towards the car before he stopped. He saw Alex and Chris sitting in Alex's car together looking closer and more intimate then he had EVER looked with a friend.

He narrowed his eyes in suspension, not fully trusting the two of them since he had overheard the conversation between them the other night. He had seen the lust in Chris' eyes Alex had mistaken for something more and saw the want in Alex's…

He began to walk up to the two of them when something happened that made his gasp in astonishment… Chris and Alex were sitting closer then he would have ever sat with one of his 'friends'. Their eyes were locked, Alex wasn't breathing. They closed their eyes and leaned in…

James turned away from the scene unable to watch the girl he had raised almost single handedly do something so horrific to the woman who loved her more than life.

He almost ran back to the house. He leaned up against the wall and felt a hot red anger surge through him. How could she do this? How could she betray Olivia like that?

He shook his head as he stormed over to the door and grasped the door handle and walked inside.

"Where's Alex?" Olivia asked as James shut the door behind him.

James turned to her and looked at her for a moment. She loved Alex. She loved being married to Alex. She loved everything about her.

If he told them what he had seen he would destroy their marriage. If he kept his mouth shut then Olivia would go on believing a lie that the woman she loved felt the same way about her.

James sighed and hung his head. He couldn't do it. He couldn't ruin the blissful lie for her

He lifted his head and gave Olivia a small smile. "She and Chris decided to take a drive. Cool off a bit before she came back in…"

**Please Review! And just a few little notices. No this isn't the end. Not by a LOOOOOONG shot :) Also I have a new (very, very active twitter. Over 1,600 tweets in one week.) Feel free to follow, drop me a line, ask me questions about ANY of my fics (including Be Careful What You Wish For and the MTC series) be the first to get updates, know what happens before everyone else, ask me questions... I'll be the most epic tweeter you follow. My tweet name is **_**lesliedaley1989**_** and I look forward to hearing from you :) Also when the last chapter of the MTC series is posted I'll be answering your live questions regarding ANYTHING! About the series and I mean ANYTHING! I'll answer praises, flames, concrit, questions... It'll be epic :) Anywho... please give me a follow, drop me a line and what not (you know, AFTER you review this.) Also I made a trailer of sorts for the last few chapters for this series. Considering all I have is windows movie maker and no episodes earlier than Zebras I think I did pretty good on it lol. And oh yeah, Lila AND Lily get faces so if you want to see who has been in my head the entire time I've been writing those two awesome kick ass characters, give it a watch, leave a comment, give it a rating... All I asks is that you be honest :) It's under the you tube name of **_**daley2**_** so go and enjoy. Oh yeah, now go REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

I own no one but my own people

A/N Just wanted to give a little shout out to everyone who follows or favorites me or my stories. Thank you. I think that writers far too often ignore the fact that it's an honor to the writer to know that people want to read your work the moment they post or want to publicly announce that an author or a story is your favorite with over 9,000 stories to choose from and they should be thanked even if you never leave a single word of praise or concrit in a review. So again thank you and I hope all my readers rather they be reviewers, followers, favoriters, or people who just read the story period without doing any actions enjoy this update and any update I post for any of my story's you should go read after this.

I also wanted to give out another special shout out to an AMAZING reviewer of mine who has stuck through all four MTC stories from the beginning and has always left AMAZING reviews even if I don't always have a chance to reply back to them. To Kendra; I love you, you're awesome, your reviews are awesome, and I appreciate you so much for going that in depth with your reviews. Thank you :)

**WARNING: If you are sensitive to the ANY subject of matter regarding suicide rather it be talking, thinking, and or acting turn back now.**

**October 15****th****, Lila and Max's House, 11:39 AM**

"I can't, I can't lose this job!" Anna sobbed as she sat at the kitchen table with a cup of hot coco in front of her that James had gratefully made her. "This is what's paying for my tuition! I need this job or else I can't afford school!"

"I'll talk to Alex," Max promised softly, "I'm sure she was just angry when she said that you were fired and didn't mean it."

"And I work SO hard for her like all the time you know? And I knew the papers were due today but there are just so many other things going on that slipped my mind and it was just an accident, I swear!"

"Anna, it's okay," James offered as he too tried to get the hysterical young woman to calm down. "Alex was just stressed about everything going on around her. I'm sure if you go out and talk to her she'll give you your job back with an apology."

Anna wiped at the tears that had gathered in her eyes as she looked between the two men. "You… you really think so?"

"Of course," Max said with a kind smile. "And if she doesn't, I may be retired but I still knew a few MVP's who are in need of an assistant."

A teary smile grew on her face that was interrupted when Lila came through the door that led to the hallway.

Lila stopped dead at the entrance and fixed Anna with a perplexed stare. "Who's this?"

"This is Anna, one of Alex's staff," Max explained.

Lila parted her lips in confusion as she turned from Anna to Max to James. "Forgive me but who's Alex?"

"Anna, why don't I walk you to your car, okay? I'm sure you have a lot to do today," said James before anyone could see a word.

Anna eyed Lila wearily before she allowed James to lead her out of the kitchen leaving Lila and Max alone.

Max sighed heavily and rubbed his temples in frustration and sorrow as he closed his eyes.

Lila looked down at Max with an air of uncertainty. "Darling, what's wrong?" Lila asked as she sat down at the table.

Max finally reopened his eyes and Lila was astounded to see tears in them. "Lila, you… Lila, I'm sorry, this is too much."

"What is? Darling, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about the fact you don't know who Alex is."

"Am I supposed to?"

Max bit his bottom lip in a vain attempt to keep the tears from falling down his skin. "Yes… Lila, I want you to go see some doctors. I'll have James make the appointment. Maybe they can give you some pills to slow it down."

"Max, I'm perfectly fine!" she snapped with an air of dignity. "People forget things all the time."

"Not who their daughter is," he said as he struggled not to lose his patience with her. "Look, I'm sorry I let it go on for so long. I should have made an appointment for you the moment your memory started slipping."

"My memory is not slipping!"

Without another word Max reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out one he had of Lily at Christmas last year and showed it to her. "Who is that? You tell me who that is right this moment and I won't make you an appointment."

Lily studied the picture for several moments and Max felt his heart shatter at the tears that appeared in her eyes.

Max sighed and put the photo back in his wallet and put his wallet away. "Lila, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Leave me alone." She tried her best to sound angry but the tears overwhelmed her voice.

"Lila, wait!" Max pleaded as she got up from the chair and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Max sighed heavily and wiped at his own tears in his eyes as the door slowly opened once more and James walked in.

Max cleared his throat and wiped his eyes as James sat down beside him. "She has no idea who Alex or Lily is," Max explained as he took a shuddering breath. He turned and faced his oldest friend. "I don't know what to do, James."

"Sir, I wish I could offer some advice that'll make her memory grow back but the only thing I can offer is set her up a nursing service. You and me… we're too old to be taking care of her. We may be able minded but once she really begins slipping, physically we won't be able to take care of her."

"I don't want her to lose her independence."

"I know you don't and neither do I. But sometimes things happen that we can't control. Life isn't a fairytale, Sir."

Max sighed as he nodded. "I know that but she's always been this strong independent woman and I don't want her to lose that." He let out a sob but quickly covered it up with his hand. "That's what I fell in love with. That's what I'm still in love with."

A silence erupted in the tiny kitchen. Tears filled James eyes. He cleared his throat and stood up. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Sir, but she will lose her dependence one day. But… if you don't get her help, it'll be like you're letting her throw it away. With the pills and the nurse at least you know she'll go down fighting."

With a comforting smile James left the kitchen leaving Max alone in the room.

Max sat in silence for a moment while his tears continued to roll down his care worn face. He felt old and tired and wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and rest and pray that when he would wake up and everything would be back to how it was before Lila started having problems.

But he knew that that wasn't going to happen because as Max and many others had said, life wasn't a fairytale. She was going to get worse and worse until she would one day not even remember him or remember the simple basic things that keep her alive.

Max took a shaky breath as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed '411'.

"Welcome to Verizon 411," the manly robotic voice greeted him. "Please say the city and state you would like to locate."

"Albany, New York."

"Thank you. Please say 'home' or 'business'."

"Business," Max replied.

There was a moment of silence before the voice spoke again.

"Please say the name of the business you are looking for."

Max closed his eyes and willed himself to speak the words he knew would get him in trouble with his wife. "At home nursing care…"

* * *

Alex slowly walked back to the house with her bottom lip trembling. How was she supposed to tell Olivia that she had came within an inch of kissing the man she despised? Who TOLD her that Chris wanted more than just a friendship, who warned her he might try something.

But Alex had crossed her heart and promised that she felt nothing for Chris, promised that Olivia was the only person she loved. She told her she had no feelings for him at all…

She couldn't tell her. She knew she would never believe that they hadn't actually kissed no matter how close she and Chris came close. She just prayed that Chris would see the same point of view and keep his mouth shut about it too. Alex knew that Olivia would leave her if she knew…

Alex swallowed hard as she opened up the door and stepped inside preparing to be met with even more animosity than before.

The sight that met her eyes surprised her. There was faint crying coming from the kitchen mixed in with Max's soft soothing comforting voice but Alex didn't care about her staff worker at the moment. All she cared about was the woman sitting on the couch before her.

Olivia was sitting on the snow white couch with her hands in her lap and her head bowed. If she didn't know her so well she thought she was praying.

Alex cleared her throat and Olivia looked up from the floor and gave her a timid smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Alex muttered back feeling a hot blush rise in her skin.

Alex saw Olivia take a deep breath before she got off of the couch and walked over to her. Alex took a tentative step away from her, almost frightened of what Olivia was going to do with her.

"Look, Alex," Olivia began, "I gotta say something."

"Me first. Olivia, I'm-."

"I'm sorry."

"Sor-… wait, what?"

Olivia sighed and rubbed the back of her neck as she shrugged and avoided Alex's eyes. "I said I was sorry."

Alex studied her face for a moment. This was a joke. It had to be. What on earth did Olivia have to apologize for?

"For what?" Alex asked still unable to come up with any plausible solution as to why Olivia had said those words.

Olivia looked back at her as if Alex was the crazy one. "For screaming at you the moment you walked in the door, for not letting you tell me why you told Lily, for not talking to you, for not… for not putting a lot of effort in keeping our marriage together… I mean I almost lost you when Simon died."

Olivia ignored the small shudder that Alex emitted from hearing their sons name. "And we worked through that and that was the worst experience either of us have or will ever go through so this should be a cake walk but it's not and I don't know why. I mean maybe it's the fact that losing a child is something we both suffered through and this is mainly your suffering just being brought down on us but I didn't want to lose you then and I don't want to lose you now."

Alex groaned as she put her face in her hands. She came in to apologize for treating her and Lily like crap these last few weeks and Olivia had somehow ended up apologizing to Alex. This didn't make any sense.

"It's not you," Alex muttered before she let her arms drop and she looked at Olivia once again. It's me. It's all this stress and the election. I know that's not an excuse for treating you and Lily like I have been or ignoring you or just being a bitch in general… But I'm sorry, and you were right to yell at me about me telling Lily. I should have told you what she said instead of telling her."

"I should have given you a chance to explain and I'm sorry I didn't."

No! This isn't how this is supposed to go! Alex is supposed to be the one that feels horrible, not Olivia! She should be screaming and yelling at her! She doesn't get to feel guilty for what she did because she didn't DO anything! Why was she doing this to her?

"Look just stop apologizing, okay?" Alex told her a smidge more annoyed then she should have. "You didn't do anything wrong. I would have jumped to conclusions too."

"I should have let you talked first. But it was just the shit at the school today and-."

"What happened at the school?" Alex interrupted. "Is Lily alright?"

A dark look came over Olivia's face and Alex took a step back from the clearly angry Olivia. "Your mother," she spat as if it were poison, "recommended your old high school and when we got there things were going great. The staff seemed nice and Lily actually made a friend who asked her to eat with them at lunch."

"She told you to go to St Elizabeth's?" Alex groaned. "I told her not to send you to that school!"

"Well she did and Lily actually WANTED to go there and the principal was more than happy to admit her until he discovered that she had two mothers. He told me I had no right calling her my daughter and that God looked down on her and then he… he said he couldn't admit her because he had the other students safety to look after. He said she would rape or sexually abuse another female in the shower room."

Alex mirrored Olivia's expression as her eyes narrowed in fury and hate. "Did he say all this in front of Lily?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah. Lily started crying and we stormed out of there and came home," Olivia told her deciding that Alex didn't need to know that security had been called on them or the fact she came close to beating the Reverend within an inch of his miserable life.

Alex groaned as she went over and sat down on the couch with Olivia following. "How's she doing?" Alex asked as she turned towards Olivia.

"She was really upset. She actually yelled at me for the first time I can remember. She said she hated school and that she never wanted to go back and that she blamed us for her not having any friends. She… she also said that she wanted to die and said she wished I saved you instead of her and that it would have done her a huge favor."

Alex was momentarily stunned before she forced herself to relax. "I'm sure she didn't mean that."

"I honestly don't know, Alex," Olivia muttered lowly in case anyone else was listening. "She's been acting really different these last few weeks. She won't talk to me, she's been acting depressed, and she plays that god awful music in her room for hours on end and refuses to come out… Alex, I really think we need to take her to see a psychiatrist."

Alex shook her head. "No."

"Alex, can we at least talk about this?"

"No. Lily isn't suicidal; she doesn't need to talk to a shrink."

Olivia bit the inside of her lip as she tried a different approach. "Even if she's not suicidal I think it'll be good for her to talk out some of her issues. I mean I had to see a therapist after Sealview and then I had to see another one after Simon died… It helped me a lot both times, Alex, and I think it would help Lily out to."

"She's a teenager and teenagers do and say that kind of stuff all the time. They cut up their arms for attention but Lily's probably too afraid to do that so she just says these things."

"She's not doing it for attention, Alex! You don't know what she's been like these past few weeks! And what, are you saying we should wait until we find a noose or a bottle of sleeping pills in her room to do anything? Or how about we wait until she steals my gun and goes on a shooting rampage at her school?"

"Just stop it, alright!" shouted Alex as she forced those thoughts from her mind. "She's a teenager who gets picked on, it happens! I truly honestly feel bad for her and wish with all my heart she wasn't but there's nothing I can do if she doesn't talk to us! She doesn't need to be labeled 'crazy' for the rest of her life and you know if does go to therapy and this gets out the kids will use that against her!"

"I'd rather her be labeled 'crazy' then… whatever!" Olivia finished, unable to even finish the sentence in her head much less speak it out loud.

Alex swallowed hard at the uncompleted sentence and shook her head. "She's not going to therapy. She's a teenager, she'll grow out of this mood she's in and will be none the worse for wear when it's done."

"You don't get it, Alex!" Olivia shouted. "She needs help! I'm not just gonna sit back and do nothing when my daughter is suffering!"

"Olivia, just listen alright? Lily is-."

But the shrill ring of Alex's phone interrupted her.

"Pick up that phone and I smash it," Olivia barked but was only met with an unfriendly glare before she answered it.

"Alex Cabot."

Olivia reached for the phone but Alex quickly switched hands while glowering at her.

"I can't believe this," Olivia grumbled as she leaned back on the couch but Alex her.

"Turn on MSNBC," Chris's exasperated voice answered.

"Why?" Alex asked as she reached for the remote and quickly switched on the TV and began flipping through the stations.

"Just turn it on. Leah called, said there was something I needed to see…"

Alex finally found the station and turned up the volume. "It's on a commercial. Chris, what's going on?"

A moment later she had her answer.

Both Alex and even Olivia in her anger gasped at the face on the TV.

"What the hell is he doing on the news?" Alex shouted as her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"I can't believe this," Olivia grumbled as she sat on the edge of the couch her eyes glued to the screen.

"So you do know him," Chris grumbled. "Alex, I told you I had to know everything about you, any skeletons you had in your closet and now a few weeks before the election this pretty boy comes out of the woodwork? What the hell, Alex?"

"Chris, I gotta go," Alex muttered before she hung up the phone and turned her full attention to the screen.

"Welcome back, viewers," a young attractive female reporter said with a beaming smile. "If you're just tuning in, we have been talking with an ex boyfriend and close acquaintance of New York Senator Candidate, Alexandra Cabot."

"That bastard is not my ex boyfriend!" Alex growled at the woman as if she could hear her.

"Who has some dirty light to shed on the Republican," she continued. "Please welcome Idaho Representative Edward Lancaster."

Edward's smile was as cocky and bold and perfect as ever, his once all brown hair now had several shining streaks of gray and wrinkles tugged on the corner of his baby blue eyes. He had gained a few pounds since they had seen him but he was still as handsome as a man could be at his age.

"Thank you for having me, Laura," he said with a flash of his perfect white teeth.

"You're very welcome, Edward. Now we were talking about your personal relationship with Alexandra Cabot, correct?"

"Yes, Laura that is correct. We haven't seen one another in several years-."

"Right around the time you threatened me at my wedding," Alex muttered icily.

"Since I moved to Boise but I know she still thinks about me," Edward finished.

"Now what was your relationship with her again?"

"We dated very briefly twice. Once just happened to be days before Olivia Benson asked her to marry her and the other time when Alexandra and her 'wife' broke up days before their wedding she came running into my arms and we started dating."

"How long did each relationship last?"

Edward shrugged. "Not very long. Alexandra always liked planning ahead and she knew that being married to a powerhouse politician like me-."

"You're a Representative in Idaho! Get over yourself!" snapped Alex. "You rule over a bunch of potatoes!"

"As well as a fellow Republican would damage her chances of winning a lot of votes so while she never said anything directly to me, I believe that Olivia broke up with her boyfriend Elliot Stabler who I had seen the two of them on several occasions display very heavy displays of public affection just days before she proposed and Alex broke up with me and decided to get together simply for the women and homosexual vote.

However I will say that Olivia did threaten me several times. Once for simply having my hand on Alexandra's back and said she would, in much cruder terms, castrate me if I ever touched her again."

"You had your hand half an inch away from her ass, you prick!" Olivia argued.

"She was and I assume she still is a member of the NYPD so I took her threats very seriously. I was frightened for my life," Edward said with a trembling bottom lip.

"You poor, man," Laura said with a frown. "Threatened just for being in love… So tragic."

"HE threatened US!" Olivia shouted but Alex shushed her as she continued to watch.

Edward sniffed and took a shuddering breath both of them could see right through. "Yes, thank you, Laura. When I went to see her several days later Alexandra's mother informed me that she and Olivia had broken up. Well… At this point Alexandra was still denying her being a lesbian as well as being Olivia's girlfriend to her parents and to all others so I was told that Olivia had simply moved out of the home after a fight and Alexandra herself had dubbed Olivia nothing more than a friend and roommate keeping in mind this as days before they became engaged.

But I simply shared my thoughts and feelings on certain matters regarding homosexuals and Alexandra rudely threw me out into the snow."

"Amazing the kind of things you learn about a person. Now you said that your campaign manager at the time Michael Warren set you up with her months afterwards?"

"Yes, that's right. I was told by Michael that Alexandra's 'boyfriend' had just broken up with her and that he knew I would be the right person to help her get over this. So she and I decided to mutually go on a date one night."

"A date?" Olivia questioned. "Alex, you never told me you went on a date with him."

"Yes I did. At the hospital when you first came to see me after I was mugged."

"No you didn't. When I asked why you were with him you told me that 'it didn't matter'."

"Liv, please can we just watch this? This is a little more important than the single worst date I ever had in my life my mother and Michael basically forced me to go on where I didn't even get to eat any food."

"So you admit there was a date."

Alex groaned loudly and threw her hands up in defeat. "Yes there was a date. One date on the same night you went on with that cop the same night or do you think I forgot about her?" asked Alex sharply.

"That was fifteen years ago!"

"So was this! There's no difference."

"I told you the truth about mine. That's the difference."

Alex groaned as she "Look I'm sorry for not telling you about one date I had with what could easily be the most disgusting man on this earth. Can we just watch him destroy any chance I have at election now?"

Olivia gave her a slight glare but none the less grew silent as they turned their attentions back to the TV.

"Everything was going fine," Edward lied as he continued the story he had came up with, "until I wished to leave because of the incredibly rude server they gave to us who refused to speak English. Then when I was walking Alexandra back to her car two degenerates jumped out and tried to mug us.

I, being the chivalrous man I always am, pushed Alexandra behind me and tried to fight off the two brutes. Unfortunately one of them got his hands on her and he slammed her up against the brick wall. She passed out and I fought off the two men until they turned tail and ran. Neither of us had our phones on us so I left to go find help but by the time I returned someone else had already called 911 and was staying with her until they arrived."

"He's lying!" shouted Olivia and Alex at the same time but like all of the other times they ignored the two.

"Then after I arrived at the hospital Olivia who decided that this was the perfect time to get back together with Alexandra after all a blonde hair blue eyed Caucasian female getting mugged by two low lives is the perfect time for some free publicity. And then when, without provocation, Olivia then beat me to unconsciousness AFTER saying I sexually assaulted her which is a complete and total lie. But she, being a member of the NYPD, was allowed to get away with it without so much as a write up at work."

"I can't watch any more of this shit!" Olivia spat as she turned off the TV. "He left you there to die and saved his own ass then assaulted ME!"

Alex put her head in her hands and shook her head back and forth. "This is a nightmare. This is my nightmare… Oh god, I have to call Chris!"

"Alex, wait. As horrible as this is for you we still have to talk about Lily."

"We will just give me a minute," Alex muttered half heartily as she pressed '2' on her speed dial and before it even rang once Chris had picked up ignoring the fierce glare Olivia was giving her.

"What the hell is going on, Alex!" his shouting voice rang through. "Erik called and told me everything this prick said and you didn't tell me any of this shit!"

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to take it back, what do we have to do to make this right?"

"Why didn't you tell me? I can fix things I know before we even start campaigning, not weeks before the election!"

"I said I was sorry," Alex muttered as she felt a hot blush rise up in her cheeks. She hated when he was mad at her.

"Sorry isn't good enough, Alex! Do you realize how much work we're gonna have to do to make this right?"

"I'll do whatever you want me to do to make this right, I swear."

"As tempting as that sounds, Alex, I'm really not in the mood tonight. I'm too pissed about this. Maybe tomorrow."

"Chris, I didn't mean-."

"I already called our guy at The Post," he interrupted, "he said he was more than happy to run a retaliation article. I got you an interview on 17th at 10 AM."

"Perfect, I'll take it," she said without hesitation. "I swear I'll make this right. Everything that guy said was a lie."

"I don't care if it was or not, just make it sound like it was, okay? I'll see you Wednesday."

"See ya."

Without another word Alex hung up the phone and turned towards Olivia. "I got an interview with The Post on the 17th at 10 AM. I'm gonna try to fix this mess that Edward started. I can't believe he actually is still pissed about me that he'd go and ruin me like this."

"The 17th? Of October?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah. What's wrong?"

"That's Lily's thirteenth birthday!"

Alex let out a loud groan and flopped up against the couch and covered her face with her hands. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

"It's not. Call Chris back and say you'll do it the 18th."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I have to get a statement out as soon as I can, Liv. Okay, do you realize this is my job? That this is my livelihood?"

"Yeah, and I also realize it's your daughter's birthday."

"We can reschedule it."

"You can reschedule your appointment!" shouted Olivia but Alex shushed her. "Okay, this means a lot to her! You can't just back out of this!"

Alex let out a mock laugh and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh you should talk about missing events in her life! How about the time you missed her first recital after promising you would be in the front row with me because of your job? Do you wanna talk about that?"

"I was undercover and couldn't get away, you know that!" Olivia spat bitterly. "I don't think a bunch of men who were trying to sell me for sex cared rather or not my seven year old daughter had a concert!"

"And I have NEVER given you grief for that and I explained to Lily why you couldn't be there! What the hell makes this so different?"

"Because me and Elliot would have wound up dead if I tried to get away and all that's going to happen is that Chris is gonna be mad at you for a day or two, but heaven forbid you let him get pissed at you!"

"Look I can't back out of this! It's not like we had anything planned any way! It's not like she has any friends who are gonna be put out because of this!"

"I'm sorry I'm some freak who doesn't have any!"

Both Olivia and Alex turned towards the stairs and their mouths fell open at the sight before them.

Lily was standing on the bottom stair with tears in her eyes. She had obviously heard the conversation.

"Lily, wait!" Alex begged but Lily just let out a sob and rushed up the stairs and they heard a door slam.

Alex went to get off the couch but Olivia stood in front of her making it impossible to move.

"Leave," she snarled as she narrowed her eyes at the blonde.

"I'm sorry," Alex breathed as tears filled her eyes. "I'll call Chris and reschedule it. I'll go up and talk to Lily."

"If you aren't gone in the next three seconds, I WILL make you sorry. Leave."

"Can I just go up and talk to Lily?"

"You already did enough damage."

Without another word Olivia turned and went up the stairs leaving Alex alone in the living room with tears in her eyes.

* * *

Olivia went over to Lily's door and knocked softly on it, her heart breaking when she heard Lily's sobs.

"Lily, it's me," Olivia said softly, "can I come in?"

"Please leave me alone!"

"I can't do that, Lily. Please let me in."

Olivia waited a moment and when she heard neither an invitation nor a request that she leave Olivia opened the door and walked in the room.

Lily was face down on the bed holding her pillow tight to her chest and thick tears were making their way down her face.

Without a word Olivia walked over to her and hugged her as tight as she could.

"I'm sorry," Olivia breathed as she stroked her soft caramel colored hair. "Baby, I'm so sorry. She didn't mean it."

"Yes she did because it's true," muttered Lily, her voice thick with tears. "I don't have any friends and I'm never going to."

"That's not true," Olivia said, urging Lily to believe her. "I know that right now it's tough, but I promise you things will get better."

"When?" Lily choked out. "I'm sick of having no one!"

"Soon, baby, I promise. And you always have me and mom."

"You're busy at work and mom's busy with her campaign… I have nobody."

"Yes you do, Lily. Okay you can always talk to us. I know we're really busy but we will always make time for you."

Lily ignored her words and rested her head on shoulder and Olivia slowly ran her fingers through her hair.

"I know what you're going through," Olivia admitted. "I know what it's like to have no friends, to have everyone thing you're a freak when you're not."

"No you don't," Lily muttered. "You were normal growing up."

"No I wasn't. I was a loner in school. I didn't want anyone to see what my mom was like at home because she drank so much so I never made any friends so I wouldn't have to worry about them finding out about my mom or about… what happened to her."

Lily, who had been told time and time again by both Alex and Olivia not to ask what had happened to Serena or about Olivia's father, decided that now wouldn't be the best time to press it.

"So I didn't have any friends either. But once I got in college things changed so much, Lily. I stopped caring what others thought and they didn't care about my home life in the slightest regard. I got a lot of friends, I did amazing in class, I fell in love… a lot, and not once did anyone ever call me a freak or anything because they were mature enough to realize I wasn't.

My mom physically abused me, I had to take care of her when she came home from the bar and was too drunk to take care of either of us, she called me some of the worse things under the sun, and sometimes I wondered why she didn't just give me away when I was born instead of putting me through what she did."

Lily's tears grew silent. Olivia took a shuddering breath as the painful memories came flooding back to her.

"But I knew she loved me," Olivia continued. "I knew she loved me more than she ever loved anyone in her life or ever could love. She was smart, funny, beautiful, talented, a bit of a grammar Nazi since she was an English teacher but other than that…"

Olivia looked down and was disappointed when she didn't even see a minuscule crack of a smile.

Tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her sleeve. "Can you just go away, please?"

Olivia closed her eyes in defeat as she held her close for several more moments before she released her from her embrace.

"Lily, look at me."

She did and Olivia looked into her tear filled eyes and felt her own begin to roll down her face.

"I would do anything to make you happy. You know that right?"

Lily nodded slowly and Olivia took a shuddering breath.

"No matter what I had to do to myself I would do it to make sure you were happy and safe. Lily… do you think it would help you out any if I… if I was to maybe leave Alex and pretend to be straight?"

Lily's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Wha- what?"

"I hate seeing you so unhappy, Lily. I would be willing to do this is that's what it took. But it's up to you."

Lily bit her bottom lip as she looked down at the carpet.

She had a chance to be normal. She had a chance to be like any other girl her age. She had a chance to make the teasing and ridicule and daily abuses stop cold.

A smart gleam caught Lily's eyes and she turned her head and saw Olivia's wedding ring displayed proudly on her finger.

Lily closed her eyes in defeat. She wouldn't do it. She COULDN'T do it… she knew her parents loved one another more than life. She couldn't make them miserable for the rest of their lives. She loved them both too much to do that to them.

"No," Lily finally muttered. "Please don't leave mom for me."

Olivia nodded and hugged her again and rested her head on the top of Lily's. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you too, mama. Can you please leave now? I promise I'm okay," she said with a smile Olivia could clearly see through.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment before she nodded. "I promise thing's will get better."

Lily remained silent as Olivia kissed the top of her head before she got up and left the room.

Lily got up from the bed and shut the door behind Olivia as a fresh batch of tears rolled down her face. She went over and turned on the CD that was in her stereo up high.

Lily closed her eyes as she lets the heavy sounds of the instruments and the screaming voices completely surround her.

She walks over to the closet and gets down on all fours before grabbing the old worn out jacket in the corner that held the knife in its pocket.

She walked back to her bed and the moment she pulled it out and looked at the knife she broke down.

She's worthless. She's a nobody, a freak that let Alex down by not being what she wanted her to be. She brings nothing but pain and grief to Olivia and Alex. She has no friends. No one to turn to, no one to call to help her.

She has nobody… And she knows that's how it's going to be for the rest of her life. Everyday will be miserable and full of the horrors and abuse she experiences ever day in school. Life will never get any better.

Lily let out a desperate sob as she rolled up her sleeve with a shaking hand. Another day, another hour, another second of this life was too much. The thought of living with the pain that life has thrown at her was too much. She wanted to end it. She was going to end it.

Lily put the sharp knife horizontal to her skin and began to press down. She closed her eyes, ignoring the pain, forcing herself through it for the first time. With a small almost miniscule cry the blade broke skin and she began to drag the knife across her wrist…

Please Review


	9. Chapter 9

I own no one but my own people

A/N Again the original chap is actually WAAAYYYYY longer then what's posted and I had to cut it in half so if the ending seems kind of abrupt I apologize and hopefully you all enjoy it anyway :)

**October 15th, Lila and Max's House, 11:45 AM**

Lily gasped softly as she felt a sharp almost burning pain shot throughout her arm. She bit her lip as she brought t knife down lower and cut herself once more. She switched hands and repeated the foul action with the other wrist.

Heavy tears fell down her face as she brought the knife lower on her wrist and began to cut again, her hand shaking so much the knife broke skin before she had even begun to press down.

Lily let out a sob as she dragged the blade across her wrist, a crippling fear overtaking her entire body. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to feel free. This was supposed to bring her freedom and pleasure… why was she crying? Why was she so petrified?

The thick wet blood covered her hands and flowed like a river down her hands and onto the carpet. She lay down on the bed with her blood soaked wrists hanging over the side and she looked over towards her bed stand and the picture she had put there caught her eye.

With a shaking hand she reached out and grabbed it before pulling it closer, tears flowing heavily down her cheeks. It was of Lily and Alex on Christmas last year. Chris had Alex doing something for her campaign and it looked like Olivia and Lily were going to be alone on Christmas.

Lily had just tore off the bow on her first gift at around nine a clock when Alex had ran through the door gasping, out of breath, covered in snow with an loud decree of 'do you know how hard it is to get a taxi on Christmas morning?'

Lily had literally jumped off the floor and raced over to Alex and hugged her tightly. Alex lifted her off the floor and wrapped her arms around her and hugged her back tightly with equal if not more love. Olivia snapped the picture and they had the best Christmas that any of them could remember.

Lily let out a sob mixed in with a gasp when her blood began to pool in the silver frame covering up the face of Alex. She began to shake and started to feel drowsy and panic set in. She loved her parents. She loved both of them and she knew her parents loved her. Sometimes it felt they loved her more than they loved one another.

Lily didn't want to die. She wanted to be out of pain, out of misery, out of the wretched existence that school had forced on her but she didn't want to leave her parents and she knew that even though she had turned out a loser and disappointment, Alex and Olivia still loved her. She knew they would both miss her if she was gone.

A bone chilling thought passed through Lily's mind as she laid there while the blood seeped out of the slashes even faster. Although Olivia told her time and again that any and all religion was nothing more than con artists and scams, Lily believed in the sermons the ministers preached when she and Alex had a chance to go to church on a rare Sunday morning that neither of them was busy.

They had told her that people who committed suicide went to hell.

Lily let out another sob. She believed with every ounce of faith she had that Olivia and Alex would get into heaven when they passed on, no matter what anyone else said. If she went to hell she would never see them again…

A scream ripped past her lips. She wanted her parents with her. She wanted them to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be alright and make the blood that was flowing faster than ever to stop. Lily tried sitting up in the soft bed but collapsed against the soft pillow. Her eyes rolled to the back of the head and her head swirled.

Her eyes shut for a brief moment before she willed them open again. She felt weak and tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep.

Lily opened her mouth and a small unheard sound slipped through her. "Mama," she groaned softly but she knew that neither Olivia nor Alex heard it. She tried again but it was still too soft to be heard over the music.

A frantic desperate sob escaped her as complete exhaustion threatened to overtake her and she knew if she gave into it she would never wake up again. She took as deep a breath as she could manage and with all her heart and soul she screamed as loud as she could, praying to God that someone heard her.

"Mom!" Another howl of a sob left her and she screamed again, franticly hoping that either one of them would answer. "Mama, help me! Mom! Mom, please! MAMA..!"

* * *

Olivia walked back down the stairs and heard the sounds of Alex's car being driven off and Olivia felt a twinge of guilt in her heart. Not at the fact that she had ordered Alex away, but the fact that she didn't care that she had actually listened to the irate detective.

Olivia sat down on the couch and sighed as she leaned back and ran her hand through her hair and closed her eyes. Fifteen years. Fifteen years of marriage and Alex was throwing it all away for this stupid campaign. Olivia knew it was for her job but it didn't make any of this any easier.

She was in love with Alex. That fact had never been untrue at any moment during their marriage. They had grown to be a very happily married couple over the years but after Simon had died it had gone downhill. Alex immersed herself in her work more than she ever had before and had hired Chris and her staff while still working as an ADA, DA, and then as a senior DA. It was as if she needed the work to help her forget the tragedy that had been forced on them.

Olivia felt hot tears fill her eyes and she let them slide down her face. She knew if Alex ever found this out she would kill her but Olivia hoped every day that she would lose the election. She knew that Alex was having a hard enough time as it was just running but she couldn't imagine the stress that would be put on their family if she actually won. There would be no way they would survive it and Olivia was too old and tired to try to make it work just to have it end up failing.

If nothing changed between now and the election and Alex ended up winning; as much as she hated the notion of living out the rest of her life alone there would be no other choice. Olivia would file for divorce…

Olivia sighed heavily as she heard the living room door open and in walked Lila with a look of ferocity on her face.

She sank down on the couch besides Olivia who turned and glared at her. She KNEW that the school she had sent them too wouldn't accept Lily yet she told them to go either way...

Lila turned towards Olivia and she narrowed her eyes at Olivia's look. "Is there any particular reason why you look like you want to shoot me in the face with an AK 47?"

"Yeah," Olivia snapped, "why the hell would you tell us to go to Alex's old school when you knew they wouldn't accept Lily?"

Lila's face showed undeniable confusion. "I did what?"

"You told me that St Elizabeth's school was the best in the area!" Olivia barked, "And that they'd LOVE to have Lily as a student there! Well guess what? They told her that because she has two mothers she's a lesbian and a sexual deviant and they refused to accept her into the school after she made her first friend in _years_! They told all of this to her face by the way! Why the hell would you do that, Lila? You knew that the school was overtly religious and you sent us there anyway!"

Tears shown in Lila's eyes making Olivia momentarily forget her anger at her. "I forgot, alright! When you asked for my opinion the only thing I could remember about the school was the name! I never would have sent you and your daughter there if I knew how misguided they were!"

Olivia's face softened as her eyes searched Lila's. She was telling the truth. Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm sorry. I should have thought before I started yelling."

"Yes you should have. But I am sorry they treated you and… and Lillian so poorly."

Olivia narrowed her eyes in puzzlement. While Lila had prayed Olivia had missed the hesitation in her voice her prayers went unanswered.

She bit her bottom lip and turned away from Olivia but she continued to stare at the older woman in front of her. "It's worse then what Alex told me and Lily isn't it? The memory loss?"

Lila's bottom lip trembled and she finally turned back to Olivia. "I don't even know who Lillian and Alexandra are half the time…" Lila shook her head and covered up her mouth with a shaking hand. "Every day it gets harder and harder to remember them again. Max wants me to go on medication like some lunatic and go see some quack Doctor." She scoffed as if she thought she was above such common practices and Olivia had a strong feeling she was.

Lila's face fell and she dabbed at the tears that had show at the corner of her eyes. "And I just… I don't want to be labeled 'psycho' simply because my memory is fading but I'm afraid of losing them. I'm afraid of losing all of you," she added with a soft muter unable to look at Olivia as she said this. "I don't want to… 'pass on' thinking I have nobody only because I couldn't remember them."

Olivia felt a hard lump in her throat and it suddenly hurt to swallow. "Lila, listen to me… We're family, alright? We care about each other and look out for one another. And listen to me I promise, alright I promise you that I won't let you forget us, no matter what I have to do, okay? But you have to use the medication and see the Doctors."

"People will think I'm weak."

"First off who gives two shits what people think about you and second no they won't. You're sick, Lila. Doctors and medication will help you, everyone knows this. Do you think that a cancer patient is weak for getting chemo or going to an oncologist?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why do you think people will think the same about you because you have Alzheimer's? Give yourself a fighting chance, Lila. I've known you for seventeen and a half years and have NEVER seen you go down without swinging so why are you stopping now?"

Once again tears shone in the blue eyes that mirrored Alex's. A small hint of a smile cracked on her face and she nodded. "Alright… I'll take the medication and see the doctor."

Olivia gave her a small kind grin. "I'm glad."

Lila chuckled softly before she took Olivia's hand in hers. "You know, Olivia... it's times like this when I realize just how much I love you."

Olivia's eyes widened to monumental amounts and her mouth fell open revealing her pure astonishment. A long moment had passed and Olivia couldn't help the tears that slowly slipped down her face and despite the events of the last few days a beaming smile overtook her face making her seem ten years younger. "I… I love you too, Lila," she answered unable to get her voice above a whisper.

Lila opened her mouth to presuming say something else but the sound of screaming blocked her out.

Olivia whipped her head towards the staircase and listened intently for a moment. She could hear what sounded like faint screams and chalked it up to Lily's music before one sound tore through her, making her blood run ice cold.

"MAMA!"

Olivia jumped up from the couch and raced as fast as she could up the stairs ignoring Lila's exclamation of confusion.

Her heart pounded hard against her chest as she sprinted towards Lily's door, a thousand jumbled thoughts racing through her mind at the same time. Olivia stopped in front of the door and slammed it open, her eyes falling on the sight in front of her and she too let out a scream.

"Lily!"

Olivia raced over to her daughter and a frantic desperate sob escaped her when she saw the puddle of blood on the floor as well as the flowing river or the dark red liquid that seeped from both her wrists.

Lily's eyes fluttered open and they fell on Olivia. "I'm sorry, Mama," she breathed softly. "I don't… I don't wanna die…"

"You're not going to, Lily, I promise," Olivia panted as she ran over to the dresser and yanked open the drawer and grabbed the first two articles of clothing she saw and dashed back over to her and put the two pieces of fabric over her wrists and held them tight against her skin, the blood almost as once seeking through.

Olivia's voice had caked in tears and another sob escaped her as Olivia gathered her in her arms and held her tight against her. "Hang on, baby, you're gonna be alright!"

Without another word Olivia scooped her up in her arms and ran out of the bedroom, the adrenaline coursing through her making Lily as easy to carry as if she were a feather.

She raced down the stairs and cursed herself when she forgot they weren't in NY where she knew almost every hospital in Manhattan as well as the fastest way to locate it but in a strange town Olivia had only visited twice in her entire life and to make matters worse Alex had just taken the car.

"What on earth?" Lila screeched as Olivia ran over to the couch and laid Lily down on it.

Olivia ignored her outburst and held both shirts as tight as she could. "Max, I need you!" Olivia bellowed frantically at and moved the hair away from Lily's face. "Everything's gonna be alright, Lily."

Tears rolled down Lily's face as she looked up at Olivia. "Mama, I'm scared…"

"Baby, there's nothing to be scared of, you're gonna be fine," she assured her.

Olivia hugged the two shits tighter against her wrists and felt a streak of panic overwhelm her when she realized that the blood flow wasn't slowing down.

"I just… I just wanted to be out of pain. Please don't hate me!" muttered Lily as the tears coursed faster down her face.

Olivia grabbed her face and turned her so that she was looking straight into her eyes. "Lillian Serena Benson, you listen to me I could NEVER hate you! Ever! I don't care what you do, I will NEVER hate you! Max get in here now!"

James and Max burst through the door and came to a dead stop when they saw the scene in front of them.

"What happened?" Max gasped as he ran over to the couch and bent down beside Lily.

"I need you to take us to the ER now," Olivia demanded ignoring his question. "It'll be faster if we drive."

"We'll take the Ferrari," Max told her as he stood up.

"Go to St Eves," James said as Olivia scooped Lily in her arms and with a soft groan picked her up. "It's not as good as Sacred Lives but it's faster to get to."

"I don't care where she goes, she needs a hospital now!" Olivia urged as she felt herself start to buckle underneath her weight.

Max nodded and he dashed out of the living room with Olivia following as fast as she could manage.

"Hang on, baby, I'm right here," Olivia muttered softly as Max grabbed the keys and wrenched open the door.

Olivia followed him to the car and slid into the backseat with Lily cradled her in her arms as Max got in the front and with a loud purr of the engine the car started and they were off like a shot, their speed easily climbing above and beyond 80 miles per hour

Lily's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Olivia who had tears in her eyes as she gently stroked her hair. "I'm sor- sorry," Lily muttered, "please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not, okay? I'm not mad at you at all, baby, just try to stay awake for me alright?"

Though Olivia tried to convey as much calmness in her words as she could, she struggled not to scream and lash out and demand Max goes faster. Right now the only thing that mattered was the scared confused little girl that meant more to Olivia than anything else in the world and keeping her calm.

Lily nodded and felt her eye lids flickering but she forced herself to listen to Olivia's words and stay awake. Several moments later though she felt her eyes close and she slipped into darkness.

"Lily, wake up!" Olivia ordered as she gave her a small shake that did nothing to revive her. Olivia felt her breath hitch in her throat as she felt her heart pounding painfully hard against her chest. "Come on, honey, you gotta stay awake for me! Lily, wake up!" Olivia screamed as she slapped her across the face but that too did nothing to awaken the young girl. "Lillian, wake up NOW!"

A frantic sob escaped her as she crushed her fingers against her neck desperate for a throbbing pulse and had to bite her lip to hold back a scream of terror when she had to press hard against her neck just to feel a tiny throb.

"Oh god, Max, hurry up!" sobbed Olivia as she wrapped the shirts around her wrist even tighter.

"I'm going as fast as I can," Max answered back with tears masking his own voice. "You just gotta stay calm."

"My daughter is dying! How the FUCK do you expect me to stay calm!" she screamed as she narrowed her eyes at the man she knew deep down was just as frantic and frightened as her.

Max was unphased by her screaming and pressed down on the gas as hard as he could. "You gotta stay calm for Lily. You freaking out aren't doing her any favors. We'll get there soon, I promise."

Olivia closed her eyes as she took several deep breaths and nodded, wiling her body to listen to her father in laws advice as she held Lily closer and bowed her head.

"Please, God," Olivia muttered softly, barely able to believe the words she swore would never leave her mouth were passing her lips, "let her be alright. Let her survive this. I'll be whatever you want me to be just let my daughter survive..."

The next ten minutes were the longest in Olivia's life. By now Lily's pulse was barely there and her breathing had lowered to dangerous levels. She still hadn't woken up…

They arrived in front of the hospital and without waiting for the car to even roll to a complete stop Olivia threw open the door, grabbed Lily and dashed into the hospital with Max hot on her heels.

"We need a doctor!" Olivia cried loudly as she rushed inside the hospital holding Lily tight against her chest ignoring the strange looks and gasps from the other patrons in the waiting room. "Please help us!"

Almost at once a doctor sprinted towards the group. "What happened?" the doctor asked as he motioned for a stretcher.

"Sh- She cut herself," Olivia admitted as tears filled her eyes.

The doctor nodded wordlessly as two nurses ran forward with a long white stretcher. Olivia laid her down and held her hand as they began to roll her towards the operating room.

"How do you know her?"

"I'm her mother, her names Lily Benson…"

"Is she on any medications?" the doctor asked as they rolled her down one of the hallways.

"No, nothing like that."

"Has she ever tried anything like this before?"

Olivia shook her head as more tears filled her eyes. "Never. Please you have to help her!"

"We will, Mam. Any clue how long she was bleeding?"

"Five minutes at most before I found her and we drove here in about ten minutes."

"Do you know her blood type?"

"A-Positive, the same as me."

The doctor nodded as they slammed through two double doors.

"Mam, you're gonna have to stay here," one of the nurses told her as she stopped Olivia from going into the emergency room.

"You don't understand," said Olivia as she tried in vain to get around the nurse. "That's my daughter, she needs me. She's scared and confused and-"

"I realize that, Mam," he interrupted her, "but you have to let the doctors take care of her."

Olivia bit her bottom lip and nodded as she stepped away from the nurse who gave her a fleeting smile before he followed the doctor leaving Olivia alone and stranded in the hallway with tears flowing down her face.

She heard Max come up from behind her and slowly walk over to her. Olivia flinched when he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Everything's gonna be alright, Olivia." Grief masked whatever comfort he was supposed to bring to her. "She's going to survive this."

His comforting words did little to ease her fears that Lily would survive this. She turned to face him and rubbed the tears from her eyes. "This is all my fault. I should have stayed with her. I shouldn't have gone back down stairs."

"You didn't know Lily was going to do this."

"I knew something was wrong," she argued. "I knew she was depressed and instead of staying with her after Alex basically said she didn't have any friends I left her alone."

Max tried once more to get Olivia to see the truth. "You can't blame yourself for this, Olivia. Lily… Lily choose to do this to herself."

"I'm her mother, I should have helped her. I should have seen how bad it was getting." A sob ripped past Olivia's lips. "Oh god, Max, what if she doesn't make it out of this? What if she lost too much blood?"

"She's going to be fine." Max assured her. "Olivia, I promise you Lily's gonna make it out of this alive."

Another sob escaped her and without another moment passing he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Tears coursed down her face as she rested her head on her shoulder and hugged him back, her sobs rocking the both of them.

**October 15th, St Eves, 12:52 PM**

"Alex, it's Olivia… again. Look something bad happened and you need to call me the moment you receive this message. Call me, I love you."

Olivia sighed as she hung up her phone after leaving the third message in an hour for Alex. She leaned back in the waiting room chair and rubbed her eyes from exhaustion, unable to fathom waiting another minute to hear news on her daughter.

Max sat diligently besides her, already having called James and told him to just tell Lila that Lily was going to be fine; not wanting her to worry too much about their granddaughter but he had no clue on earth how he was going to break the news to his wife if something DID happen to Lily.

Olivia groaned as she checked her watch for what felt like the millionth time. "It shouldn't be taking this long," she muttered out loud, "they should have her fixed by now…"

"These things take time, Olivia. When they have any news, good or bad, they'll come out and tell us."

"I'm going crazy here, Max. If Lily…. If they don't save her I don't know what I'll do."

"They will," he assured her. "I know it's hard but you have to be patient."

"I don't do patience and my family almost dying very well. Okay the last time I was in a hospital and a person I cared about was a patient I lost my son… I can't go through that again."

Max frowned and reached over and rubbed small circled on her back. He opened his mouth to offer her what she assumed was more meaningless comfort but was interrupted when a doctor approached the two of them, his face unreadable.

"Lily Benson?"

"Is she okay?" Olivia asked as she stood up so fast she nearly knocked over the chair as she did with Max following.

The doctor nodded but Olivia was still worried about the frown on the face. "We managed to stop the bleeding and stitch her up. She should be fine physically."

Olivia let out a sob of unconditional bliss and couldn't help the bright beaming smile that overtook her entire face. Max cried out in elation and felt his own tears of joy run down his face. "Thank you!" Olivia sobbed as she clutched the doctors hand tightly in hers, "oh god, thank you so much! When can I see her?"

"There were other problems," the doctor told them sternly causing both Olivia and Max's happiness to disappear somewhat. "Usually when a teenager cuts themselves they cut high up on the arm and the cuts are vertical so they have less of a chance at hitting the vain.

Most of those cases are cries for attention and there's no real danger involved to the patients life. With real suicide attempts they cut close to the wrist and the cuts are horizontal which is exactly what Lily's wounds were. I'm sorry but I honestly believe she was trying to end her life."

Olivia closed her eyes and any happiness she felt moments ago drift slowly away. "What's going to happen to her?"

"We're going to admit her to Capital District Psychiatric Center. It's a psych hospital about an hour north of here where she'll probably have short or long term inpatient care provided for her."

Olivia's eyes widened and her fists clenched tightly. "We live in Manhattan! That's a four hour drive to there!"

"I'm sorry but that's my recommended course of treatment."

"Isn't there an outpatient program she can go to in the city?" Olivia asked her voice reeked with desperation. "Or can't she just see a psychiatrist and be put on medication? I'm friends with one in the city I'll make sure she sees him every day."

"CDPC is a very capable facility with an award winning teen and youth program."

"I'm not gonna stick her in some hospital four hours away and never get a chance to see her!" Olivia shouted at the doctor, "plus I know Lily's not sick enough for inpatient treatment. She needs help, I'll be the first to admit it, but she's a confused scared teenager who has been tormented and bullied by her classmates with two gay parents and an incredible stress load on her right now… She just needs someone to talk to that's not her parents. Alright I'll even look into seeing if there's some kind of counseling dedicated to children of gay parents, I'll transfer her schools, I'll do anything I can for her but I want it done in Manhattan."

"You may end up living in Albany anyway, Olivia," Max reminded her.

"That's only a fifty/fifty shot Alex could win the election," Olivia argued missing the wide eyes of the doctor. "I'm not taking that chance, I want her at home."

The doctor held up his hand as he looked at Olivia more closely. "Oh my god… I can't believe I didn't recognize it earlier! You're Alex Cabot's wife aren't you?"

Olivia nodded and the doctor shook his head and chuckled. "Wow… This is insane. I mean I love how she isn't afraid to be honest to the voters about her stances on politics and actually makes Republicans look like sane human beings who aren't psychotic religious fanatics or war bird eagles. When she actually said that welfare benefits needed to DECREASE in this country, she had my vote!"

"That's terrific you're voting for her but what about Lily?"

The doctor sighed sadly and bit his bottom lip as he looked down at the chart in his hand before he looked back up at Olivia. "I have to get updates on any and all medical changes regarding her medical treatment. She needs to see a psychiatrist as well as join an outpatient treatment and I'm also writing a prescription for her for Zoloft. Multiple studies have found it's perfectly safe for teenagers," he assured her seeing her open her mouth already knowing what she was about to ask. "If you don't do these things, I WILL readmit her and put her in the inpatient treatment in Albany, do you understand me?"

Olivia let out a breath of relief and smiled at the man. "Of course. Thank you so much! When can I see her?"

"She should be awake now. One of you can go see her. She's in room 324."

Olivia gave him another smile and thanked him again before turning to Max. "Go see her," he told her before she had even opened her mouth. "I'll call and update James and Lila."

"Thank you, Max, for everything. Will you try to get a hold of Alex?"

"Of course," he said with a kind smile.

Olivia returned the grin and without another word headed down the hallway towards the room where Lily was recovering. She stopped outside the closed door and looked into the small door window. She gasped softly when she saw the thick white bandages on both her wrists with tears rolling down her face as she gazed out of the window and Olivia narrowed her eyes at the metal screen covering the glass.

With a shaking hand she opened the door and stepped inside and Lily turned from the window to look at her and she began to weep. "I'm sorry, Mama."

Olivia darted over to the bedside and both wrapped their arms tightly around one another and Lily sobbed on Olivia's shoulder.

"It's okay," Olivia breathed as she slowly ran her fingers through her daughters caramel colored hair, "everything's gonna be okay now."

Lily's response was nothing but more tears and embraced Olivia tighter. "I was so scared," she muttered as she rested her head on her shoulder.

Olivia sighed and pulled away from her and moved a strand of hair away from Lily's tear soaked face as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Why didn't you just talk to me, Lily?" While her voice wasn't angry or even stern it did convey ever ounce of pain Olivia was feeling right now and that was enough to fill Lily with the most guilt she had ever felt in her life. She would have preferred it if Olivia was screaming and yelling at her. "It didn't have to come to this. You could have just talked to me or to Alex or to anybody… You didn't have to try to kill yourself, Lily."

"I'm sorry," said Lily as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand catching Olivia eyeing her bandages with misery and she quickly lowered her hands again and a light blush covered her cheeks. "I just… I'm just sick of the teasing and being picked on and not having anybody."

"You always have me and Alex."

Lily shook her head as more tears filled her eyes. "That's not the same as having no friends. I have no friends, Mama, and I hate it and it's never going to change."

"Things WILL change, Lily. I know right now it seems this is how it's gonna be for the rest of your life but I promise you things DO get better. Giving up on life is never the answer."

"I know," Lily muttered as she cast her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry. I just… I hate being alone and I hate being a disappointment to you and Mom."

"Honey, you could never disappoint us," promised Olivia.

Lily shook her head. "I disappointed Mom. She was perfect growing up and she's disappointed I'm not anywhere's close to perfect."

"She doesn't care about that. Your mom loves you just as you are."

"Then why did she say 'oh she won't have any friends who'll be put out of this'? She's disappointed I'm nothing but some loser with no friends."

Olivia sighed and hung her head momentarily cursing Alex silently before she lifted her heads and turned towards Lily once more. "She didn't mean it. She was angry at ME and she said some things she shouldn't have. But I promise you she loves you just as you are."

"No she doesn't," Lily mumbled. "I'll never be good enough for her. I'll never be good enough for anybody…"

"You're perfect, Lily, and we both know that. I swear to God she loves you just as you are; we both do. She loves you more than anything."

Tears flooded Lily's eyes as she took a shuddering breath and looked into Olivia's eyes. "Then why doesn't she act like it?"

A sob escaped her again and Olivia pulled her into a tight hug letting her rest her head on her shoulder once more, hating that she wasn't able to answer that question…

**Hilton Hotel, 1:03 PM, Albany NY**

Alex wiped the tears away from her face as she rode the elevator to the floor where Chris's room was located. She wasn't sure what she was doing or what she even expected him to do but right now she needed any kind of comfort after pushing away the person who meant more than life to her.

She reached down and started to pull out her phone to check the time before she remembered that her phone had died about ten minutes after she left the house and she had no way to charge it.

Alex took a shuddering breath as the elevator slowed to a stop and the two gray doors opened and she walked into the abandoned hallway. She walked towards Chris's room and groaned when she came to a stop in front of it hearing only the news on the TV. He was completely alone…

Alex closed her eyes and hesitated for a moment before she knocked on the door. Almost at once guilt filled her to the very brink and she forced herself not to run away from the room as fast as she could.

She heard him make his way over to the door and she stepped back so he could see her through the peep hole. She listened as he undid the locks and swung the door open.

"What are you doing here, Alex?" asked Chris as he eyed her with confusion.

At once the smell of strong liquor overtook her senses and she eyes several empty bottles on the floor wearily. "Can I come in?" she asked ignoring his question.

Chris nodded and at once moved out of the way and motioned for her to come in. "Sure… you okay?"

"No," she mumbled as she walked past him into the suave but simple hotel room. An overstuffed yet comfortable arm chair was tucked away in the corner with a full sized unmade bed. Papers and files littered the desk and an expensive silver laptop was open next to it while the interview with Edward was replaying on the TV.

"CNN got a hold of it and they've been replaying the video for the past hour," he muttered darkly as he flipped off the TV and sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with his two fingers. "I don't know how I'm gonna fix this…"

Alex felt another surge of guilt as she sat down beside him. "I'm sorry," she told him honestly. "I should have told you about Edward."

"Yeah you should have," Chris snapped as he opened his eyes and turned towards her with a scowl on his face. "What the hell is this loser's problem anyway?"

Alex took a deep breath before beginning her long winded explanation. "Hates Olivia, wanted to date me, I turned him down flat, my first campaign manager hooked me up with him when me and Olivia were having problems, he left me alone to get mugged and assaulted, Olivia kicked his ass when she found out, he found out I was gay the day before my wedding, and he said I was gonna pay but I didn't think he'd wait fifteen years to take his revenge…"

Chris chuckled humorlessly. "You ever notice that all of your problems usually end up being Olivia's fault?"

"She was protecting me," Alex argued. "Wouldn't you have kicked his ass if you'd found out some asshole left you alone to with two dangerous muggers who left you unconscious and bleeding in an alley way?"

"I never would have left you alone with the muggers in the first place," said Chris. "Alex, you gotta tell me how much of this is truth and how much is bull shit? Maybe we can get him on slander charges."

Alex cleared her throat and cast her eyes to the ground. "He… He wasn't lying about most of the stuff he just gave it his own interpretation…"

Chris groaned loudly and put his head in his hands. "Why didn't you tell me this shit before hand, Alex?"

"I didn't think he was gonna come out of the dark at the last second! No one's heard about him in years!"

"That's your problem, you don't think!" he shouted making her cower faintly. "Now me and your staff is gonna have to work double overtime to try and fix this before the election!"

"I'm sorry," Alex told him as tears appeared in her eyes still looking down at the carpet. "I'm screwing everything up today."

Chris rolled his eyes and held back an exhausted sigh as he hugged her and rested his head against hers. "What happened between you and Olivia?" he asked softly as he allowed himself a glance down her shirt.

"I said something really shitty about Lily," she admitted as she sniffed softly, "something I deserve to have my ass kicked hard for, and she told me to leave… I'm losing her, Chris. I'm losing both of them and it's all my fault."

"No it's, Alex," Chris told her as he rubbed her back softly. "They don't understand what you're going through and they're not trying. You told me that before the election started Olivia used to work all and every type of hours and did you ever complain? No. So why should she get to be angry at you for running for the election?"

Alex shook her head. "She NEVER acted like how I'm acting now though. She could have the worst case in the history of her career, get hit by some perp who didn't like how she spoke to him in interrogation, and when she came home and put on a brave front for Lily and then told me what happened to her but she'd never make me feel like I've been making her feel. I never wanted her to leave for something she said because she's never said anything that I felt that angry at her for."

"Because you understood how stressful her job is and you showed her support. From what I've seen she doesn't give you ANY support, something you're gonna need a lot of when you win."

"She does support me," Alex insisted. "She cut down on her hours a lot when I started running, she took over all of the cooking and cleaning when before we shared it, she's become more of a mother to Lily then I ever was, she knows it's not my fault the papers are basically slandering her and mines relationship, she's ready and willing to transfer jobs if I win the election, she encouraged me living out of a hotel in Albany until she saw how stressed I was getting… She couldn't support me more if she tried."

"Just doing more housework isn't showing support, Alex. She shouldn't be getting mad at you over every little thing; she shouldn't throw you out of your own parent's house just because heaven forbid you were a teensy bit 'rude' if you wanna call it that to Lily. And you can sense this; you just don't want to admit it."

Chris slid his hand down and grasped hers. Alex tried to pull away but he held it even more tightly. "Maybe," he muttered as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, ignoring her body stiffening. "She just doesn't love you anymore."

Alex pulled away from his intimate touch and a slight glare overtook her face. "Olivia loves me and I love her. I just don't deserve it."

"She's got a funny way of showing it," Chris argued as he leaned in to nuzzle her neck again but she leaned back even further. "If anything I'd say your bitch of a wife out and out doesn't like you much less love you."

"Don't you DARE call Olivia a bitch!" Alex snarled as she wrenched her hand away from his. A ferocious glare overtook her face but Chris was unfazed by the look.

Alex stood up from the bed and Chris followed her movements. "No!" he growled, "you don't get to be a fucking cock tease and leave me hanging every time we're alone!"

"Screw you!" Alex spat as she took a step towards the door.

Chris glowered at her as he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist and wrenched her around to face him. "Trust me you will," he sneered.

Without wasting a second Alex grabbed his shoulder with her free hand and brought her knee up with as much force as she could muster and landed it with a sickening crunch right between his legs.

Chris let out a high scream of pain and unclenched her hand and held himself as he fell to the floor with a loud crash, shaking and whimpering.

"Compliments of teachings from my bitch of a wife!" shouted Alex with tears in her eyes. "I don't know why I ever thought of doing ANYTHNG with you besides that! Stay the hell away from me, you prick!"

Leaving him there crying and sniveling on the hotel room alone, Alex stormed out of the hotel room wanting nothing more than to be in the arms of the woman who had been with her through it all…

**Please Review, and again, not the end. Not by a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG shot. Lots more drama to come, I promise :) **


	10. Chapter 10

I own no one but my own people.

**October 15****th****, 2:27 PM, Lila and Max's apartment, Albany, NY**

Alex took a long deep breath as she walked up the drive way, casually noting that Max's car wasn't there.

"Must have gone to the store," she thought to herself as she eyed the empty space where the Ferrari was usually parked.

She reached the door and went to open it but hesitated for a moment. She didn't want to go in there and face Olivia. She knew she treated her and Lily horribly and they in no way deserved it. It wasn't worth losing them. Nothing was.

"Maybe when she finds out I kicked Chris to the curb she'll forgive me," she thought unable to hide a tiny self satisfying smirk.

With another deep breath to tide her over Alex opened the door and walked into the grand living room.

"Olivia?" she called out as she threw her purse to the ground beside the door and slid her coat off her.

"She isn't here," she heard James voice from the kitchen door way.

Alex turned towards him and offered him a smile that he didn't return. "Hey, James. Do you know where she went?"

He looked distressed at her question and she eyed him wearily. "You okay?"

"No," he said a bit harsher then he had intended. "Imagine seeing the woman you've raised since she was five years old turn into something you never thought possible."

Alex sighed and looked down at the ground. "You're right and I'm sorry," she muttered. "I know I've been horrible to Liv and Lily but-."

"Horrible doesn't cover it," he interrupted. "I can't believe you cheated on her, Alex… how could you do that to Olivia?"

Her head snapped back up and her mouth fell open. "What? What do you mean? I never cheated on Olivia!"

"Don't lie to me, Alex, I saw you," he muttered. His tone wasn't angry but instead disappointed. Alex would have preferred him to yell at her. "In the car when you stormed out. You and Chris kissed."

Alex shook her head. "No we didn't. We almost did but I stopped it and I just fired him an hour ago, I'm never gonna see him again."

"You really expect me to believe that?" he asked as he raised his brow. "I also saw you two in the living room the first night you came here… You two looked like you wanted to go at it right then. You said if it wasn't for your wedding vows you and him would be an item pretty much."

Alex narrowed her eyes at him at the same time she felt hot angry tears well up. "I love Olivia I'd never hurt her like that and screw you for thinking that. Now do you know where she is or not?"

James shook his head and a heavy sigh escaped his lips. "Fine… She's at the hospital with Lily."

At once all anger and annoyance with the older man melted away and fear clutched her heart. "What happened?" she managed to squeak out, her eyes wide with fear.

"Lily cut herself, badly. Olivia found her in her room bleeding a lot from both her wrists. She was almost unconscious when Olivia and Max took her out to the car."

Alex let out a sob and put a shaking hand to her mouth. She barely managed to get the words to leave her. "Wha- what hospital?"

"St. Eves."

Without wasting another moment Alex sprinted out the door not even bothering to close it and sprinted towards the car and got in and took off as fast as she could manage.

"Please be okay," Alex thought as her foot pressed down harder on the gas, forcing herself to calm down enough so that she didn't get into the accident on the way there. "Please let her be okay… Oh god this is all my fault!"

She sped up to over eighty and as soon as she got on the short stretch of highway she slammed on the gas going well over ninety now.

Time seemed to go unbelievably slow as she drove as fast as she possibly could, ignoring the fear she felt when the other cars became near blurs beside her.

She saw the exit that led towards the hospital and sped up. It took only minutes to reach the hospital and she parked right out front and got out of the car and slammed the door shut before running into the hospital lobby and sprinting towards the receptionist.

"Lillian Benson's room number now!" Alex demanded of the somewhat taken back receptionist.

"Hang on one moment, mam," she told her and turned to her computer and typed in something and clicked a button before she turned back to Alex. "She's in room 324. Third floor, take a left when you get off the elevator and the room should be down that hallway."

Without wasting moments on common courtesies Alex took off running towards the elevator, wishing that she had kept on her workout regimen when she started running. She rode the elevator to the third floor, using the time she was riding up to catch her breath.

When it stopped at the correct floor Alex took a deep breath and hurried off the elevator and followed the instructions of the receptionist, swallowing hard when she noticed the sign above the hall way, "3rd floor psych hall."

She eyed the sign wearily for a moment before Alex took a deep breath and walked down the hall to the room where the receptionist had told her.

Seeing the correct room number Alex went up to the window and looked into it shaking slightly. She saw Lily sitting up in bed with thick white bandages around both her wrists and Olivia sitting besides her holding her hand and they were talking but Alex couldn't hear the words either one of them said.

She closed her eyes for a moment before she walked in the room making both of them turn towards her.

"She's gonna be fine," Olivia assured her before Alex had even opened her mouth. "And I tried calling you. I swear I did, you didn't-."

"My battery died," Alex explained as she walked over and pulled up a chair and sat down next to Olivia. "James told me when I got home."

Olivia nodded in understanding before turning to Lily who was looking down at the sheets, a hot blush rising in her cheeks.

"So does anyone wanna tell me what happened?" Alex asked mainly Lily who simply shrugged.

Olivia cleared her throat and Alex turned towards her. "She made a mistake, Alex," Olivia muttered softly.

"A mistake is cheating on your math test. This was- I can't… why would you do this, Lillian?" Alex asked as she turned back towards Lily who shrugged again and swallowed hard, knowing neither one of her parents used her full name unless they were exceptionally angry with her.

"No, you had to have a reason for doing something like this and I wanna know what the hell that was."

"Leave her alone, Alex," pleaded Olivia, "she had a rough day."

"And putting me and you through hell isn't giving US a 'rough day'? I didn't know if you were gonna be dead when I got here! What the hell were you thinking! Did you even think as to what me and Olivia would have gone through if you didn't get to the hospital in time? Do you know how scared I was when James told me what happened? Do you know how scared your mama must have been when she found you?"

Alex's voice was slowly raising and she knew that Lily getting yelled at wasn't what she needed now but she couldn't help herself. Those long minutes she had to drive to the hospital had been the most frightening in her entire life.

"I'm sorry," Lily told her as tears grew in her eyes. "I just-."

"You just what?" Alex snapped. "You could have died do you understand that? Do you realize how selfish committing suicide is? Did you even think of me or Olivia at all?"

"Alex, stop!" Olivia barked but both Lily and Alex ignored her.

"I'm sorry!" Lily shouted as she wiped the tears away only to have more come. "Okay I'm sorry but I'm just tired of being a freak and not having any friends! I was tired of disappointing you!"

"When have I EVER said you disappointed me?" Alex yelled back, "you could never disappoint me, Lily, and you know this! You know I love you just how you are, Lily!"

"Then why don't you act like it?" asked Lily with a sob. "You're freaking perfect and I'm nothing and I know you hate that! You hate the fact I'm not good enough to have any friends and I'm nothing but a freak and I'm sick of disappointing you!"

Tears flooded Alex's eyes as well as Lily's and beside them Olivia was biting her lip in hopes to conceal tears. "Why didn't you tell me this, Lily?" Alex's voice lowered to a much softer tone. "Why didn't you talk to me about this?"

"You're too busy trying to win that stupid election," Lily admitted.

"That 'stupid election' is something I've wanted to win my entire life," said Alex a bit harshly.

"Even more then you wanted me and mama?"

Alex's mouth opened and shut but no words fell from it. She sighed and shut her eyes as she sat down on the chair she had been sitting it. "No… No I don't want it more then you two but, Lily… just because I might be busy with work that doesn't mean you can't talk to me especially about things like this… I never want you to feel like you have to… do this again just because you don't have anyone to talk to.

And you have NEVER disappointed me, Lily, and you never could. I love you just as you are and nothing you could do could ever change that. And anyone who says you're a freak is nothing but a fucking liar, okay? Don't you DARE believe them because you're not!"

Lily's eyes widened at Alex's choice of words. "I can't believe you actually said the 'f' word."

"Sometimes that language is the perfect language for a woman to use."

"Oh god you're sounding more and more like Lila every day," Olivia muttered.

"And is that a bad thing?" Alex asked with a soft smile towards Olivia.

Her own small smile graced Olivia's face. "Do you want the truth?"

Lily's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why do you always sound like you don't really like grandma all that much?"

Olivia shook her head. "Honey trust me, it's an incredibly long story; maybe when you're older I'll tell it to you."

"You could practically write a book on it," Alex said with a chuckle.

"I could make a damn series on it."

Olivia and Alex gave one another kind smiles as Alex reached over and held her hand open, a silent invitation to a truce.

She was about to slip her hand into Alex's when the familiar tone indication that Chris was calling rang from Alex's pocket.

Olivia sighed heavily and went to pull her hand away from Alex's but Alex held on. "I'm not answering it," she told her assertively as she looked into her eyes. "I'm done with him."

Olivia eyes widened and her mouth fell open. What… what do you mean you're 'done' with him?"

"I'm done with him as a manager and everything else… I fired him."

Olivia let out a scoff of pure disbelief. "Alex the election is less than a month away, how could you fire him? He may have been a lowly prick but he was a good manager."

"He… he got a little grabby. I took care of it though!" she told her when she felt Olivia's hand shake within her own and watched as her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "I don't think my knee ever served as much purpose as it did taking care of it."

A smile grew on Olivia's face. "Are you serious? You really got him… there?"

Alex nodded and couldn't help but chuckle as Olivia swelled with pride. "You're learning well…"

The two women grinned at one another before turning back to Lily. "So," Alex said, her voice turning serious again, "what are we gonna do about this?"

"She's gonna go to an outpatient program and talk to a psychiatrist and go to depression meds," Olivia explained who had already told Lily about the arrangements she had made so that she wouldn't have to be put into an inpatient therapy in Albany. We're also gonna talk about getting her to switch schools."

Alex nodded. "I think that seems fair. You're also grounded for a month. No TV or internet except for school work."

Lily's eyes widened. "No!"

"Lily, you did something incredibly dangerous and you really could have died and you scared the hell out of me and your mama. I know that you need help now and I'm sorry it took this to really see it but you're still grounded."

Lily turned to Olivia who seemed to be mulling over the information. "Mama, tell her that's not fair!"

"But that's just it, Lily, I DO think it's fair," Olivia said to the utter shock and dismay of Lily, "you have no idea how much you scared us and I can't even begin to think of what would have happened if I hadn't of found you. I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to go with your mom on this one."

"A month though! Can't it be for a week or something?"

"I would have made it two months," Olivia said with a careless shrug.

Lily scoffed and sank back into the bed. "This sucks… What the hell am I gonna do for an entire month without TV or my internet?"

"You wanna be a prosecutor when you get out of school, right?" Alex remembered.

Lily nodded wordlessly still looking sullen and Alex continued. "There's this thing called teen court and it's actually a lot of fun. It's like mock court with real consequences. If a teenager commits a low level crime and admits guilt they can go to teen court and you argue with the 'defense attorney' about what sentence they get and it's something small like community service or restitution and it's run completely by teenagers.

I did it when I was a teenager; I actually worked my way up to the main judge. And I made a lot of friends when I was doing it too," Alex added kindly. "And a lot of times they're from different schools and they're all really mature most of the time… if you wanna do that I'll be more than happy to get you signed up. Plus it usually only meets once a week after most clubs and schools get out so if you wanted to you could join up band again…"

Lily looked down at the bed spread and began playing with a lost thread. "Do… do you think I'd be any good at it?" she muttered softly.

"Lily, look at me," Alex instructed softly. Lily did what she was told and Alex swallowed her tears as she saw the pleading and desperation in Lily's eyes. She really did believe that she was a disappointment to her… "I don't think you'd be good at it... I think you'd be great at it."

A teary beaming smile shone brightly Lily's face and her eyes lit up in amazement and pride. "Really?"

Alex nodded and smiled at the girl who meant more to her then her own life. "Really. And I was also thinking that we get a hotel room in Albany until the election ends when you get out of the hospital, just the three of us okay? We can even get one of those massive suites you always wanted to stay in, we have the money for it. If it's alright with Olivia," Alex added as she turned to face Olivia who chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"I think it'd be a great idea. Just get some time all alone to ourselves… we haven't had that in a while," she added with a smirk that made Alex blush and she felt her heart pound a little hard against her chest.

It was back.

"And let's not forget actually celebrating your birthday," Alex said as she turned back to Lily. "You'll probably have to be here for a few days over your birthday and we can have a small thing here but the big dinner party will be the night you get out, okay? I mean it's your thirteenth, it's a big one that shouldn't be celebrated in a hospital room."

"I thought you had to give an interview that day?" Lily remembered sadly.

Alex shrugged carelessly. "I'll reschedule it for the 18th… It's just an interview."

Lily grinned at her and both felt hot tears well in their eyes. "I love you, mom."

Alex felt a hard lump in her throat and it suddenly hurt to swallow. "I love you too, baby…"

Lily knew that truer words had never been spoken…

**October 20****th****, Lila and Max's house, Albany NY, 4:48 PM**

"You know honestly I don't see why they have to make this so complicated," Lila said with a roll of her eyes as she helped Max separate the medications the doctor had prescribed to her into the weekly pill container. "Can't they just make one pill that does the actions of what these five tiny pills do?"

"Darling, you promised you wouldn't complain," Max said as he took the top of a bottle of tiny white pills and dropped one into the 'Monday' container.

"You've been married to me for… for a very long time and you believe this is complaining?" she said with a scoff but Max sensed her hesitation.

He looked over to her and a sad smile grew on his features as he reached over and took her by the hand and brought it to his lips. "I love you, Lila."

She turned to him and for a moment she had a look of what one would look like when they laid eyes on a complete stranger and not their husband of over fifty years.

Max saw it too and he felt tears gather in his eyes but he quickly turned away from her so that she wouldn't see them.

He grabbed another pill and went to put it in the 'Tuesday' box when he noticed that Lila had put the same pill in the box four times.

He closed his eyes and gently took the pill from her hand. "Why don't… darling, why don't you let me do this okay? You can start getting ready for Lily's dinner tonight."

Lila opened her mouth to speak and Max knew what was going to leave her mouth before it even did. "Who's Lily?"

Once again tears welled in his eyes. He cleared his throat and stood up and took her by the hand and she followed her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and brought her closer.

"Lily is your granddaughter." His voice was cracked with tears and Lila looked almost hurt when she noticed it. "She's our daughter Alex's and her wife Olivia's daughter, she just turned thirteen three days ago and you love her very much. And I'm… I'm your husband Max. We've been married for 53 years and there are not enough words in all of the languages in the world to tell you how much I have loved and adored you every moment we have been together and every moment we have left together.

And you are Lila Cabot… the most amazing person I have ever known. You're a talented, smart, wonderful, loyal, and beautiful woman and I would not give the years we've spent together for anything in the entire world. I love you, Lillian Verona Cabot; more than you could know and I promise you with every fiber of my being I will help you though this."

By now they both had tears in their eyes. Without wasting another second he leaned in and his lips met hers. He held her tight against him, letting her know he would be there for her that she could still look and turn to him for security and protection like she used to, that he would NOT fail her…

He released the kiss and pulled away slightly and brought his hand up to stroke the careworn wrinkled face that was just as beautiful to him now as the day he first laid eyes on it.

Lila stood breathless for a moment and tears gathered in her blue eyes while she looked into his green ones. "I… I know I'm supposed to love you," she choked out, "but I just can't remember you and I'm sorry."

Max hung his head for a moment before he looked back down into her eyes and forced a smile to his lips. "Its fine, Lila… I promise. Why don't you go get ready for dinner? I had James, the butler," he added seeing the all too familiar look of confusion on her face when he mentioned their oldest friend's name, "lay out your dress on your bed beforehand although I have no idea where he is now but then again it is his night off so..."

Lila nodded in acceptance in what he had told her and her own weak smile was forced on her lips. "Of course... I'll be right back."

She turned and headed into the living room and she suddenly stopped.

"Max!" she thought gleefully, suddenly remembering the man who owned her heart, "he's my husband! Oh dear lord I must have hurt him so badly just now!"

She turned to rush back into the kitchen, to tell him she was sorry and there was no possible way she could EVER forget him again, that she was head over heels in love with him just as much as she was in love with him the first time they met, that there was not a single man living on this earth who could compare to him in her eyes…

Lila opened her mouth to call for him but all of a sudden she felt a shooting pain running through her arm and she gasped as she clutched her suddenly tight chest. She fell to her knees and tried to cry out to him but all of a sudden she couldn't breathe…

She fell to the floor and her fists clenched as the pain grew stronger in her chest. Things suddenly became dark and blurry.

"Max," she gasped softly as it grew darker. "Max, help me… Max…"

The last thing she saw before she fell unconscious was Max finally noticing her and him rushing into the living room, his own screams muffled.

It fell dark…

**October 20****th****, Hilton Hotel, Albany NY, 5:29 PM**

"We've got Munch, Fin, and Cragen's coming and Elliot called and said he and Elizabeth will be here too," Olivia said as she and Alex sat on their bed going over the guest list of who would be coming to dinner tonight. "And Simon, Lisa, and Rachel said they'd be coming too."

"Are mom and dad coming?" Alex asked as she resisted taking the time to be looking over the files that had been sent to her by her assistant.

Olivia nodded, "Yeah but Max said they might be a little late. She went to the doctors again today and got all of her prescriptions," answered Olivia who hadn't spoken to Lila since that fateful day that Lily had been admitted into the hospital.

Alex sighed sadly and nodded. "Great… " she muttered as she cast her eyes downward.

"She's getting help, Alex," Olivia reminded her softly. "I know its rough seeing her like this, but she's getting help."

"I know and I'm glad it's just… It's just sad to see her slipping like this."

"She'll be fine," Olivia assured her with a soft smile as she rubbed her back. "I promise."

Alex sighed and nodded in understanding. "Thanks," she muttered.

Olivia opened her mouth to presumingly offer her more comfort when their door opened and Lily who had just been released from the hospital an hour and a half later walked in.

"Almost got my stuff unpacked, what's going on?" she asked carelessly as she sat down on the bed beside s Olivia.

"Northing," answered Olivia. "We were just going over the guest list for tonight."

Lily nodded and then cast her eyes to the floor and a slight blush grew on her face. "Do… do you think Eli's coming?" she muttered a little embarrassed.

Olivia gave her a look of disbelief. "You mean Eli Stabler?"

Lily shrugged and nodded. "Yeah… I mean it's cool if he's not. Like don't like beg him to come, just ask him!" she added hastily with a hint of anxiousness. "He's probably got like a foot ball game to play or something anyway, I just… I wanted to know."

Olivia's eyes widened in utter bewilderment while Alex chuckled softly, "I could ask… Why?"

"Just wanted to know, and could you maybe tell me before I pick out my outfit?"

Alex stifled a laugh while Olivia looked more astonished than before. "Sure…"

Lily let out a shy smile. "Thanks, mama. I'm gonna finish packing up my stuff," she said with a quick kiss on the brunettes cheek and got up from the bed and headed out the door.

It was dead silence while they heard Lily make her way down the hall to her own room and the moment they heard her door shut Alex let out a loud and slightly obnoxious 'aww!' followed by an even more irritating, "she's got a crush on Eli! That's so cute!"

"He's older then her," Olivia muttered darkly, feeling a slight anger towards her godson.

"By a year and you're how much older than me?"

"That doesn't count," Olivia whined, "and he's too… he's not right for her! I don't trust him."

"He's the all star American kid, Liv, how could you not trust him? He wants to be a cop, he's on every sports team his school offers, he's sweet, he's nice, he has a million friends, he's respectful, he's religious… What's wrong with him besides the fact our daughter likes him?"

"He's… He's just not right for her!" Olivia argued weakly.

Alex raised a brow in disbelief and chuckled as she reached over and gave Olivia a kiss on the lips. "I love you so much, Liv."

Olivia grinned and kissed her back. "And how much is 'so much'?" she asked with a smirk as she intensified the kiss.

Alex groaned softly as Olivia's lips traveled down her jaw line to her neck, gently nipping at the delicate skin.

Christ, Liv," Alex muttered hungrily as Olivia's hand slipped under her shirt and move slowly up.

"It's been way too long," Olivia panted slightly against her skin.

"Too damn long," Alex agreed with a groan as Olivia reached underneath her bra and grasped the soft breast beneath the thin fabric.

Alex let out a quiet moan as Olivia pushed her down onto the bed and her lips found Alex's again. Olivia had just started to pull off her shirt when the loud shrill sound of Olivia's phone rang.

"Nooooooo!" Alex groaned loudly as Olivia stopped what she was doing. "Let it go to voice mail!"

"It may be about a case," she argued hating that she was being forced to stop just as much as Alex. "I promise I'll make it quick."

Alex let out a loud 'humph!" of mock annoyance as Olivia got off of her and reached beside her into her purse and pulled out her IPhone.

"Detective Benson," she answered professionally without looking at the ID.

Alex rolled her eyes and crawled over and began to nuzzle Olivia's neck and softly kiss it while Olivia silently listened to the other voice on the line.

"Oh hi, James, what's up?"

Alex froze as she tried to listen to the voice on the other line, only able to hear several words that the man on the other line was saying.

"She's gonna be fine, thank god," Olivia said with a smile. They had invited him to dinner, maybe he was just calling to cancel or-

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you, what about Chris?"

Alex's eyes closed and she swallowed hard as she heard only two words through the ear piece. 'They kissed'

Olivia listened for several more moment before she whipped around and Alex's mouth went dry as the brunette's eyes filled with tears. "Liv, listen to me," Alex said softly as he reached over to hug her but she pulled away.

Olivia listened for several more seconds before she hung up without so much as a good bye and she and Alex stared at one another.

Her next words made Alex want to shrink down until she felt about two inches tall. "You cheated on me?"

"No! Olivia I swear I didn't!"

"James said he saw you and Chris kiss in the car."

"We almost did but I swear we stopped! I wouldn't lie to you!"

"Oh bull shit!" Olivia shouted as tears began to fall down her face. "You really expect me to believe you and him didn't kiss? Hell the only reason I didn't find out a few days ago was because he was decent enough to wait until Lily was out of the hospital!"

Alex's own tears began to fill her eyes. "I would NEVER do that to you! I wanted to for about one second but I swear I didn't! Olivia, you have to believe me!" she pleaded.

Olivia and Alex looked at one another for several tense moments. Alex swallowed her tears and reached over and tried to grab her hand but Olivia pulled out of her read, crushing Alex's heart into a thousand pieces.

"You've lied to me so many times before… why the hell should I believe you now?"

"Because I love you."

Olivia shook her head and stood up from the bed with Alex quickly following. "That's not good enough… I'll be at Elliot's"

"No!" Alex shouted with a sob as Olivia went over to the dresser and grabbed her purse, "Olivia, please believe me!"

"You're lying, Alex!" shouted Olivia as she snatched her purse back, "That's all you've ever done to me!"

"But I'm telling the truth! I didn't cheat on you!"

"James saw you!"

"He doesn't know what he saw!"

"Is everything okay?" came Lily's voice from the door way.

"Olivia, listen to me," Alex pleaded, ignoring Lily's presence. "I would never do that to you, I swear! I know I've been a shitty wife, but I love you and only you, I wouldn't do that!"

"You're lying to me again!" Olivia screamed as her tears came faster, "That's all you ever do is lie to me!"

"Mama, what's wrong?" Lily asked, this time much more teary.

Olivia furiously wiped her eyes as she stormed over to Lily and bent down and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I love you so much, Lily," Olivia whispered softly as her tears fell down her and mixed in with Lily's. She kissed her on the cheek and held her tighter. She knew there was no way the courts would give her custody…

Olivia held on for a few moments longer and sniffed. "I gotta go, baby. I'll call you later, okay? I'm sorry for ruining your dinner…"

"Where are you going?" Lily asked with a sob that broke Olivia's heart. "Mama, tell me!"

"I gotta go, baby. I love you." With a final kiss on the cheek Olivia released the embrace and stormed out of the room, not even casting a second glance at Alex.

"Olivia, wait!" Alex cried as she ran after her and grabbed her by the shoulder and wrenched her around. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, please don't go! I love you!"

Without a moment's hesitation, Olivia shoved Alex away from her, glaring at her. "You're nothing but a lying bitch! Now leave me alone."

"Olivia, please!" Alex screamed but it did nothing to faze the detective.

Without looking back at her, Olivia headed down the stairs and out the door, slamming it shut behind her. Not a single tear escaped her.

Before Alex took a step to follow her, her phone rang.

Letting out a pitiful sob, Alex put a shaking hand in her pocket and retrieved her phone. "What?" she spoke after she had pressed the small green button, her harsh words clouded by her sobs.

"Your mother's in the hospital!" Max's frantic voice rang out, just as teary as Alex's.

Alex closed her eyes in defeat and tried in vain to concentrate on her father's words. "What do you mean? What happened?"

"I came home and found her unconscious on the living room floor." Max explained hastily. "I called 911 an- and the doctors don't think she has a lot of time. She's at Sacred Heart. Please hurry, Alex!"

With a tiny beep signifying he had hung up, Alex let the phone drop to the floor and remained composed for half a moment before she let out an ear shattering, drawn out frustrated scream...

Please Review


	11. Chapter 11

I own no one but my own people.

**October 20th, Hilton Hotel, Albany NY, 5:37 PM**

Alex took several deep breaths after she released her much needed scream. She cleared her throat and licked her now dry lips.

"Lily," she managed to call out through her quickly forming tears. "Come on, honey, we gotta go."

When she heard no response from her daughter Alex wiped her tears and stormed into their bedroom where Lily was sitting on the bed, her own tears gliding down her pale face.

"Lily, come on, we've gotta go to the hospital, grandma's sick."

"What happened to Mama?" Lily asked a bit harshly; seemingly unfazed by the news her grandmother was in the hospital. "What did you do?"

Alex withheld a glare and an immature comment about Lily blaming her for everything and she shook her head. "Nothing. Come on, let's go."

"She wouldn't just leave me like that or call you names!" Lily cried. "What did you do to her?"

"Lily, I'm not gonna say it again let's go."

"Tell me!"

"Lillian, knock off the attitude now! Get your coat on, go down stairs, get in the car, and do NOT make me say it again! I am your mother; you are not allowed to talk to me like that!"

Lily stared defiantly up at her for less than a second before she silently stormed from the room. Alex waited in silence for several seconds before she heard the angry footsteps of a thirteen year old girl descending down the stairs.

Alex closed her eyes and rubbed her temples in annoyance for a moment before she got out her phone and dialed Olivia's number.

"Pick up, Liv," Alex softly begged as she went over to the closet and pulled out her own coat. "Please!"

"You've reached the voice mail of 'Detective Olivia Benson'," a depressing female voice told her followed by her wife's own voice stating her name.

Alex groaned as she slipped on her coat, knowing she'd have to go through what the Department of Detective's decided every SVU detective needed on their voice mail, "If this is an emergency please hang up and dial '911'. If SVU services are needed immediately, please press 1. If you are in need of victims services, please press 2. If you would like the fax number to the sixteenth precinct in Manhattan, please press 3. If this is a business related phone call, please press 4. If this is a personal phone call, please leave your message after the tone. Beep!"

"Liv, it's me," said Alex as she walked out of the room. "Look, I'm sorry for what happened but you need to call me. I'm on my way to Sacred Heart hospital something bad happened to my mom, I'm not sure what. Please call me… I can't do this on my own. I love you, I'm sorry, I love you, call me."

With a heavy sigh Alex hung up her phone and walked down the stairs where Lily was waiting by the door looking down trodden.

"What? What's wrong?" asked Alex as she approached the young girl.

Lily shrugged and Alex groaned as she looked at her watch. She didn't have time for this!

"Is it something you're gonna get over in the time it takes us to get to the hospital?"

Lily sniffed and averted Alex's eyes as she muttered something that hurt Alex more than anything anyone had ever said to her before. "I wanna live with Mama. When you two divorce, I wanna live with her."

"First off the answer is no. There's no way I'd give up custody of you. And no one is getting a divorce." Alex bit her quivering lip as tears filled both hers and her daughter's eyes. "Alright me and Olivia love one another, we're just in a bit of a fight right now. It'll pass and things will go back to normal."

"Mom, you two are always in a fight. Ever since Simon died that's all you two have done."

Alex glared harshly at Lily for her words. "That's not true and how DARE you talk about that!"

"Yes it is! When Simon died it's like you stopped loving the both of us! You didn't want anything to do with either of us because it reminded you too much of him so you pushed us away!"

The tears began to fall from both of their eyes as Lily finished her cruel accusations. Alex opened her mouth to try to argue back; to tell Lily everything she said was wrong, that nothing she said was even remotely on the right track, that the death of her son had nothing do to with the fact Alex had been slowly pushing away the two people who meant more to her than life away for the last several years…

She tried… but couldn't.

Alex wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat as she grabbed her purse from the stand besides the door. "That's not true and come on," she told her unable to come up with any other argument that would hold up against Lily's harsh words. "We gotta go. We'll call her again when we get to the hospital but this is serious, Lily. I don't know what's wrong with your grandma so we have to hurry."

Lily nodded but otherwise said nothing more as she and Alex headed out of the hotel suite and towards the elevator, a heavy silence surrounding the two who both knew the other one was lying about Olivia and Alex's situation…

Once they reached the lobby Alex looked around eagerly for Olivia and swallowed hard when she saw no trace of her brunette wife. She had actually left.

Lily noticed the tears in Alex's eyes and she looked down at the floor, immense guilt eating away at the young girl for the words she had spoken to her mother in the room.

Alex wiped her eye as she and Lily bustled out of the lobby and Alex groaned when she saw a reporter waiting outside the door talking hastily on the cell phone.

"Maybe there's a celebrity staying here?" Lily offered.

Alex just sighed before she grabbed Lily's hand tightly, held her head high, and walked out of the hotel.

The moment the doors opened for them the reported jumped to his feet. A moment a video camera was shoved in her face and she walked around it ignoring the man who followed behind her.

"Mrs. Cabot, Jeff Zesters, New York Enquirer, I just saw your wife leave the building about five minutes ago and she looked really mad, is everything alright?"

Not even attempting to force a grin that was usually custom built for reporters she ignored his question.

"Does this fight have anything to do with the fact that your ex boyfriend released all of your demons in the closet a few days ago?" he tried again but was met with silence once more.

"I heard," he continued hoping for some sort of response that would let him get paid, "that you fired your campaign manager just weeks before the election. Do you think that was a smart move on your part?"

The man glared at her retreating back and at the silence that escaped her. The two had just reached their car out front when he shouted out something that got both of their attention. "My sources told me your daughter was in the psych wing of the hospital for a few days, you wanna explain what that was about?"

Lily gasped and tears sprang to her eyes. Oh god no! Now everyone would know what a freak she was!

Alex finally whipped around towards him, her eyes wide with shock. "Where the hell did you hear that?"

The man chuckled and shrugged. "Confidential sources, Mrs. Cabot. I also heard she has some pretty nice scars on her wrists?" He took a step towards Lily who took a step away from him. "Oh come on, Lil's, just one quick peek for the camera."

He reached out too fast for Alex to stop him. He managed to grab a hold of Lily's wrist for a single moment and tried to pull her towards him before Alex hit him across the face as hard as she could with a loud crunch. Alex grabbed a hold of her frightened daughter and pushed Lily behind her.

"Touch her again, I fucking DARE YOU!" Alex snarled as the man held his already bruised jaw.

"That's all on camera, you know!" he shouted before groaning in pain.

"And so were you grabbing a thirteen year old girl!" Alex shot back.

The man opened his mouth to argue before he closed it again and simply glared at the pair of them. "I'm gonna have you arrested for assault!"

"Good and I'll have you arrested for attempted kidnapping!"

"Are you fucking serious?" he scoffed. "I barely touched her!"

"You grabbed her wrist, restrained her, and tried to pull her towards you! For all I, and the judge, and the jury, and the American people know; you were trying to kidnap her!"

The man glared at her before he shrugged. "Do what you want, you still assaulted me and I'm gonna make sure EVERYONE knows about it!"

"Good," Alex growled. "Go right the hell ahead! And by the way if you EVER think about touching my daughter again I'll kill you! Lily, let's go!"

Alex reached behind her and wrenched opened the door for Lily who quickly got in before Alex slammed the door shut and stormed over to her side.

"So is that a 'yes' on the cuts then?" the man shouted met only by only Alex's silence as she too got in the car and slammed her own door shut. Without wasting a moment Alex thrust the keys in the ignition and turned it on before slamming down on the gas and speeding away from the man.

"That bastard!" Alex snarled as she hit the steering wheel. "Did he hurt you?" she asked as she turned to look at Lily who had tears in her eyes. She sniffed and shook her head, some of her hair falling into her face.

Alex frowned and swallowed hard at the tears that gathered in Lily's eyes. "I'm sorry," Alex told her. "Lily, I'm so sorry. I don't know how that news got out."

"Its fine," Lily muttered softly as tears rolled down her face.

"No it's not and I'm gonna find out who told. Your medical records aren't supposed to be released unless YOU want them too, and it's against the law to tell anyone you don't say it's okay to tell."

Lily remained silent as she rubbed her wrists where the thick white gauze was covered up by a long sleeve shirt and her jacket. "Everyone's gonna know aren't they?"

"No… alright, I promise they won't," Alex said but at the same time she couldn't look into her eyes because she knew that it was a lie. If one reporter knew about it, that meant in a few hours the whole state was going to know and there was nothing she could do.

Lily shook her head. Her voice was caked in tears. "Yes they will…"

"Lily," Alex began softly but Lily turned her head from her and looked out the window at the passing city.

Alex sighed as she turned back towards the road and continued to drive down the crowded streets of Albany.

After several uncomfortable moments of silence Alex reached in her pocket and pulled out her cell phone and handed it to Lily. "Call Olivia," she told her as she put the phone down on her seat. "Tell her what's going on."

Lily remained silent as she reached beside her and grabbed Alex's phone and dialed Olivia's number.

After several moments of silence Lily hung up. "She didn't answer, it went to voice mail," Lily muttered softly. "Do you want me to try again?"

Her blue eyes closed as she nodded wordlessly, feeling tears well up. "Yeah… Keep trying until she answers, alright?"

Lily nodded in understanding as she once again tried to call Olivia's number only to be met with the same results.

As Alex drove down the interstate towards the hospital she kept on looking over at Lily, praying that she'd be able to get a hold of the person she needed more than anything right now.

However after about the twentieth time Alex told her to stop and promised her that they would try again later.

Minutes after they gave up trying to call Olivia they arrived at the hospital where Alex parked in the closest spot she could and turned off the car and Alex looked towards the imposing brick building.

Her heart caught in her throat as she stared up at the various windows, the fact that her mother was in the hospital hitting her hard for the first time since Max had called her.

Tears made their way down her face and Alex took a shuddering breath and swallowed the painful lump in her throat. She didn't want Olivia her with her, she NEEDED her here. She couldn't go through this without her.

"Olivia, please," she whispered just faint enough to hear herself. "Olivia, I can't do this by myself…"

Lily turned towards her and her own tears began to fall when she saw Alex's. "Mom?" she asked softly making Alex turn away from the building and look towards her. "Are you okay?"

Alex wiped her eyes in vain as she forced herself to nod. "I'm fine… Come on, honey, let's go."

With a deep breath to tide her over Alex opened her door as did Lily and the two walked towards the hospital hand in hand, Alex's shaking Lily's but neither made mention of it.

Alex and Lily walked towards the receptionist who looked up at them and smiled. "May I help you?"

"Can you tell me what room Lillian or Lila Cabot is in?" asked Alex softly.

The receptionist nodded before she hastily typed in what Alex assumed was her mother's name and a click of the mouse button before she turned back to Alex. "Room 283, go up to the second floor, and take a right and it'll be the third door on your left," she assured her with a smile.

"Thank you," Lily said as Alex began to walk away before following her.

Alex and Lily walked over to the elevator and Alex swallowed hard as she pressed 'up' several times to no avail.

She finally breathed a sigh of relief when they opened and the two of them stepped on the elevator and hit the correct gray lighted button.

As they waited for the elevator to arrive at their floor Alex felt more tears fill her eyes. She wouldn't know what to do if something had happened… She wouldn't be able to handle it. Not without Olivia.

With a tiny ding signifying that they were at the correct stop the doors slid silently open and Alex and Lily walked off to the waiting room where they saw Max sitting in one of the chairs with tears streaming down his face.

Alex swallowed hard and turned to Lily.

"Baby, go…. Baby, go get something to eat from the cafeteria, okay?"

"Why? What's wrong with Grandma?" asked Lily. Her voice matched Alex's. Both were choked with heavy tears.

"I don't know and that's why I don't want you here if something did. Okay, please do this without arguing…"

Lily swallowed hard before nodded and went over to the receptionist to ask for directions. Alex took a deep breath and walked over to Max with difficulty. Her legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds apiece.

She finally made it over to him but he didn't notice her, didn't look up at her. She licked her dry lips and willed her words to leave her mouth. "Dad?"

It was nothing above a whisper but Max looked up and Alex felt more tears come down her face as she saw her father crying. "Dad, what happened? Is she okay?"

Max shook his head and the tears fell faster. "They… They said her heat's shot, Alex. They got her on oxygen but… they said she isn't gonna last through the night."

Alex let out a sob and without wasting a moment Max stood up and the two embraced tightly. "She can't!" Alex sobbed in his shoulder. "She can't leave me!"

"It'll be okay," Max whispered trying to offer comfort for his daughter although he too was having troubles holding back his sobs h so desperately wanted to release.

"I'm not ready for her to leave yet," Alex cried, her sobs rocking her body. "I need her!"

"We both do, but right now yo- you gotta be strong okay?"

Alex opened her mouth to argue but nothing came out but more sobs. "I do- I don't want my mom to die!"

Max finally released the sob that he had been holding back for Alex's sake and hugged her tighter.

"I know, baby. It's gonna be okay, alright? I'm here. Okay, I'll always be here for you… Come on, honey, calm down, alright? Come on…"

Alex forced herself to calm down enough so she could let go of the loving embrace Max had wrapped her in. She didn't bother wiping at the tears because she knew more was going to fall soon.

"Can… can I see her?"

Max nodded. "283… Do you want me to send Lily in once she gets back?"

Alex shook her head. "No… I don't want her to see her like this. I don't want her to remember mom as anything more then what she's been shown."

Max nodded in understanding and for a moment looked over her face. "You two really do look so much alike."

"I know," Alex said with a cheerless smile. "Thanks…"

Max sniffed and wiped his eyes as Alex took a deep breath and turned away from him and began to walk down towards the room where Lila was.

Every step felt like a mile, every moment felt like a lifetime had passed. Her footsteps echoed on the linoleum floor beneath her as she silently made her way to the room.

The blinds were drawn and the heavy wooden door was closed. Nothing but the beeps of the equipment came from the interiors of the room. Alex swallowed hard as she reached out to open the door. She hesitated only for a moment before she clutched the door knob and turned, slowly walking into the room.

Alex swallower hard at what laid before her; the lights were dimmed and only a soft lamp glowed beside her. Lila was in the hospital bed in a cheap cotton hospital gown with several machines and IV's attached to her and an oxygen mask covered her mouth and nose. She looked tired and worn out, like she hadn't had a good sleep in ages.

Alex bit her bottom lip at the sight of her mother's hair and couldn't help but smile at the sight. Even on her death bed, her light blonde locks still looked as neat and presentable as always.

Lila had always told her that a woman's hair reflected the woman herself and that was why, no matter what, she always made sure she had gone out with beautiful looking hair and scolded Alex heavily when she saw Lily playing outside once with slightly snarled hair.

Alex shut the door behind her and the moment that one sound filled the air Lila turned towards her and Alex could see the smile behind the mask.

Lila reached up and took off the mask. "Alexandra." Her voice was nothing above a forced whisper but she continued to smile at her. "You're here…"

"Of course I'm here," said Alex softly as she walked over to the bedside and sat down beside her and held her hand tightly. "I'll always be here…"

Lily chuckled warmly and looked up at alarm at the sudden tears that appeared in Alex's eyes. "Alexandra, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me." As her own words left her Alex began sobbing once more.

Tears grew in Lila's eyes but she ignored her own and reached up and gently wiped away Alex's. "Alexandra, everything's going to be alright. I promise."

"No it's not, mom! I don't want you to go!"

"Alexandra, listen to me," Lila whispered as Alex took several hacking breaths before she looked down at her mother. "I had a very fulfilling life, listen to me a very fulfilling life. I married the man of my dreams, I saw you grow up into a beautiful, kind, caring woman, and do something you're great at and that you love. I watched you fall in love with an amazing woman who you deserve and who loves you more than life, and I got to spend thirteen beautiful and wonderful years with Lillian… There's nothing I would change about it. Perhaps going in a cotton polyester blend wouldn't have been the particular choice but there's not much I can do about that…"

Alex let out another sob however this was mixed with a laugh. Lila's eyes almost seemed to dance at the sound and she reached up and ran her hand through Alex's hair. "I love you so much, Alexandra. Never change who you are. For any one…"

Alex reached up and held her mother's hand to her cheek as more tears flooded down it. "I love you too, Mom."

The two women looked at one another for several moments before all of a sudden Lila gasped and clutched her heart. Her pale blue eyes remained open for several moments before they fluttered closed. At once several machine started going off and Alex stared back wide eyed and confused at an unmoving Lila. "Mom? Mom!"

When she received no response Alex jumped from her chair and ran over to the doorway. "Help! We need help in here!"

Alex raced back to the bed and held Lila's hand tightly. "Mom, wake up! Mom, please wake up! Mom, don't leave me! MOM!"

Lila's eyes shot open once more and Alex jumped back from the bed. "Alexandra!" she gasped.

"I'm here! Mom, I'm here!" Alex cried as she ran back over and tightly held her mother's hand. "I'm right here!"

But Lila seemed to be looking past Alex at something that Alex couldn't see. A smile grew on Lila's face as she continued to look past Alex and her eyes widened like she was looking at something wondrous and amazing. "It's beautiful," she whispered softly as her smile grew and she let out a soft laugh. "You, and Max, and Lillian and Olivia an- and James, you're all there! You're calling for me, Alexandra…! It's so… beautiful."

With a smile forever etched on her face; those words hung in the air and the sound of a flat line echoed in the small hospital room.

Lillian Verona Cabot fell silent for her one, only, and final time…

**Please Review **


	12. Chapter 12

1I own no one but my own people.

A/N Thank you SOOOOOOOOO much for all of your reviews! I finally broke 300 for a single story and I could not have done it without my amazing readers and fans. And with only 11 chapters posted I consider that EXCEEDINGLY good and with about 99 percent of them positive that makes it even better. Thank you SO much again, and keep it up. There may be only a handful of chapters left in this saga but it isn't over yet so I hope you continue to enjoy the story, and leave your incredibly awesome and encouraging reviews. Thank you and I hope you enjoy :)

**October 20 , Max and Lila's house, Albany, 8:22 PM**

James sighed heavily as he pulled into the driveway, his mind whirling with the guilt he had felt ever since he had called up Olivia earlier in the night and told her what he had seen between Chris and Alex.

He had been given the task of picking up the weekly groceries and while he was searching for a parking spot he had spotted a young blonde girl no more than the age of five walking with what he presumed to be her nanny and he felt his heart break into an uncountable number of pieces.

He had raised Alex. He had thought he had taught her well regarding her morals, he had thought him and Max had managed to curve her away from Lila's distorted preaching that you should judge a being by the money in their bank account instead of the generosity in their heart.

Alex was the closest thing to a child he had, having had no children of his own in his long life, and when Lila and Max had came back from spending Christmas in Manhattan years and years ago he heard her ranting nonstop for weeks about how Alex was, according to Lila, throwing everything away just to get married to some lowly butch cop she claimed to love, James couldn't have been prouder of Alex.

He thought Alex had risen above what Lila had tried to teach her, thought that she had found someone Alex loved for themselves instead of the amount of credit cards, someone who he could tell just by the look in her eyes loved Alex back.

For the first time in a long time he took an immense pride in what he had been doing for so many years. He had sent off the woman he considered a daughter into the world looking past dollar signs and family names and influences... And then he saw that snake Chris and Alex in the living room that first night, saw the look in both of their eyes, heard the words that Alex had spoken to him.

She wanted him. Badly. It disgusted him when she had the perfect woman waiting for her up the stairs who had been with her through everything and he knew would stand by her no matter what happened to the election she was falling over herself for this man who wanted only one thing from her. Then he had seen them kiss in her car and his worst fears were confirmed. Alex didn't love Olivia. Maybe at one point she did but not anymore. How could you even begin to claim you loved someone when you were sneaking around and lying with another, much less a man who couldn't even begin to compare to the amount of feelings that Olivia held for Alex.

He knew there was no possible way he could hurt Olivia like that by telling her so he decided to let Olivia live a lie, let her pretend that the woman she loved, loved her back.

But after seeing that young child who reminded him so much of Alex when she was still young and innocent, when she pretended to listen to him about seeing beyond people's pocket books, and he knew he had to do it. He may have let Alex let Olivia down, but he wouldn't. Olivia didn't deserve to be lied to, not after everything she had been through regarding her marriage...

He called Olivia and told her what he had seen.

Afterwards though, instead of feeling relieved or even satisfied with himself; all he felt with a heart wrenching guilt. He knew he should have waited until after the dinner or at least until after the election was over but he couldn't stand the fact that at the moment while Olivia was giving Alex all of her devotion and love, Alex was sleeping with some good for nothing parasite who only cared about her money and family name.

James shook his head as he turned off the car and sighed once more. He leaned his head against the leather seat for a brief moment before he popped the trunk and got out from the car. He had just begun to walk towards the back when a fire red expensive sports car came squealing into the driveway.

He cast his eyes over to it and raised his brow as the car came to sudden stop just inches away from the old butler. Once he saw who was the driver responsible for it he narrowed his eyes at the careless man who all but kicked open the door and slammed the door shut behind him, clenching a touch screen phone tight in his fist.

"Where the hell is she?" Chris snarled as he stormed up to him. "Tell me NOW!"

James didn't even attempt to hide his contempt for the man standing before him. "Who?"

"Alex! You know, the idiot who's going to lose this election for her cunty wife and psycho ass kid!"

James snarled at the man as he held up a finger to silence him. "Do NOT insult any one of them again, do you understand me?"

"What the hell else am I supposed to call the people who ruined my reputation? Do you realize what they're saying about me? That I took on a candidate with no hope of winning just to get myself in the spotlight!"

"Did you?"

"Yeah but I thought she'd be a bit more subtle about it!"

James rolled his eyes to the heavens before he turned back to a still irate Chris. "Well I don't know where Alex is at the moment. She and her family are staying in a hotel room somewhere in Albany by themselves and I'm not sure which one."

"Oh yeah I know she's staying at a hotel!" he shouted as he held up his phone, "the whole damn world know she's staying in a hotel because the reports are saying that Alex assaulted a reporter outside of hers!"

James narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

" `Numerous reports are claiming that Alexandra Cabot," Chris spat as he began to read from his phone, " `a runner in the New York Senate race, assaulted a reporter outside her hotel room after being confronted with questions not only about her failing marriage as well as the supposed firing of her campaign manager but the fact that her daughter Lillian Benson had been committed to the psych ward of St Eves hospital for several days where sources say she was admitted with severe life threatening cuts on both wrists before being diagnosed with depression.

The reporter, Jeff Zesters for New York Enquirer, stated he confronted Alexandra about her wife, NYPD SVU detective Olivia Benson, who had stormed out of the hotel in a fit of anger minutes before. Cabot had no comment about her marriage or about the current situation with her manager Chris Winters but when Zesters asked about her daughters medical scare, Alexandra, `freaked out', as Zesters called it. `She screamed at me before she just wailed off and attacked me! I'm lucky to be alive!'

When asked about the tape proving the incident, Zesters refused to comment and said that he had other affairs to attend to and stormed away from his fellow reporters.

Alexandra's rep returned our call saying when she finally did get a hold of her client after several failed attempts, Alexandra `sounded EXTREMELY distressed when I got in touch with her,' her rep commented. `The only comment she made was `check the tape' before she hung up.' And believe me, Alexandra, we plan to...'."

Chris shoved his phone back into his pocket before turning his attention to James. "Do you realize what this will do to her? Do you realize she's throwing away her election?"

"Well at the moment I'm more concerned as to who leaked the medical records of a thirteen year old girl," snapped James with a disapproving glare.

Chris scoffed in disbelief. "Don't look at me I didn't even know Lily was in the hospital much less that she was psycho!"

"Don't call her that!" James snarled. "She's a depressed thirteen year old girl who's been through more crap then most girls her age, don't you EVER insult her because of this!"

"Whatever but I didn't leak anything. Like I said I didn't know she was in the hospital!"

"Bull shit, I'm sure Alex called you up and told you the second she heard about it!"

"Wrong but nice try! Alex sort of fired me actually so no she didn't call me up and tell me!"

"What's wrong?" said James crossly. "She didn't wanna mix business and pleasure?"

"Business and pleasure? What the hell are you talking about?"

James's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I know Alex is cheating on Olivia with you!"

Chris let out a chuckle of disbelief. "You've got one hell of an imagination, old man! I couldn't get that bitch to put out for the life of me, and believe me, I've tried! Hell that's WHY she tried to fire me! I was sick of it, I wanted to do something about it, she kneed me in my stones and walked out and I haven't seen her since."

"Bull shit!" he shouted. "I saw the two of you in her car! I saw the two of you kissing! So just drop the act, alright?"

"Whatever the hell you're smoking I want some! We were about to but then she pulled a tease move and backed out! We never kissed or slept together!"

James's mouth fell open and he took a step away from the younger man. "But I saw you... in the car, I-."

"We were about to but then she pulled out because she pulled that `oh I'm in love with my bitch of a wife' crap she's been throwing at me every time I get within a twenty foot radius of her. `She's perfect! She's my everything! I'd rather lose the election then her'," said Chris with a high mocking tone. "Alex is nothing but a cock blocking tease that got pissed at me when I tried to fix it!"

"Why the hell should I believe you?"

"Why the hell would I lie about getting some from her? If anything I'd be bragging all over the place!"

"Oh Christ," James muttered as he turned and ran towards the house with Chris following. He quickly unlocked the front door and hurried inside, slightly taken aback when he saw no sign of Lila or Max.

He raced over to the phone and grabbed the receiver and quickly dialed Olivia's number, praying that she would pick up.

**October 20th , Elliot's House, Queens, 8:22 PM**

Olivia sighed heavily as she pulled into Elliot's drive and shut off the car. The night silence of the suburbs threatened to overtake her as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the soft leather seat.

She had ignored when Alex had called that first time only after calling Elliot and telling him dinner was cancelled. She had caught him just before he, Kathy, and, to both Olivia's annoyance and disappointment, Eli had gotten on the highway to head up to Albany. Olivia willed her heavy lids open as she took a deep breath and headed out the door. As she walked up the drive she felt her phone vibrate but after a quick glance signifying it was Alex again, she decided to let it go to voice mail like the other numerous calls she had received from her wife.

She had just reached up to knock when the door swung open and Elliot stood in front of her.

"What the hell did she do?" he demanded.

"Can I come in first?" she asked with a raised brow as she looked over her oldest friend

He had changed just as much as Olivia had over these long years. His hair was still cut brutally short. Although every day they could see it receding more and more and heavy wrinkles were engraved in his features he could still intimidate and scare the hell out of a suspect and his eyes still burned with the familiar intensity Olivia had always loved.

Elliot nodded wordlessly and moved out of the way for her to come in to his home.

It was a simple upper middle class home with dark blue paint covering the walls and most of the walls itself were covered up with pictures, cop memorabilia, and several degrees that had been earned by both Elliot and Kathy. Expensive leather furniture was placed periodically around the room while a large plasma screen hung against the far wall with a large booming sound and theater system surrounding it.

It had a happy homey feeling to it, one that Olivia wished she could experience on a daily basis.

As Olivia walked in with Elliot shutting the door behind her, she was greeted with the familiar pictures that almost seemed to tell a story of his family and for the first time in a while she actually stopped to examine them.

They all looked so happy and carefree. They all looked so proud of their various accomplishments and were all surrounded by friends... Where did she and Alex go wrong? They loved Lily just as much as Elliot and Kathy loved their children, they knew Lily was just as smart and talented as all of them, they knew Lily was kind enough to have just as many friends as they did... Why did their daughter have to be cursed with having what was supposed to be the best years of her life ruined?

Because, Olivia thought bitterly, hating the jealously she felt when she looked at how happy her best friend's children were, they had `normal' parents. She would give anything to have her daughter that happy but she knew that wouldn't happen when she and Alex got divorced.

Elliot noticed her looking at the various pictures and swore he saw the makings of tears in her eyes.

"Liv, what happened?" he asked again, this time much more softly.

Olivia turned to him and opened her mouth to speak but just then she heard footsteps descend from the stairs.

"Hi, Olivia," came the cheerful voice of her fourteen year old god son Eli as he jumped the last few steps and hurried over to her.

Olivia hastily wiped away any making of tears in her eyes and turned to him and forced a smile at the young boy giving him a quick glance over...

His baby blue eyes the exact same as Elliot's shone brightly and his usually messy dark blonde hair actually looked styled and presentable, like he was trying to make an impression on someone.

His black T-shirt that bore the album cover of a band Olivia had never even heard of showed off what muscles he had gained from his years of playing sports and a pair of loose fitting jeans hung low on his waist while a simple cross on a silver chain Elliot had given him when he had taken his first communion hung low around his neck.

"Hey, Eli," she greeted as he seemed to be looking around her.

"Hey um... is Lily here?" he asked casually as he looked back at Olivia looking almost hopeful.

Olivia shook her head. "No, she's with Alex right now."

A look of disappointment came over his face and Olivia wanted to glare at it but couldn't find it in her heart to do so.

"Oh. Um, that's cool..." he said with a careless shrug, "hey is she doing okay? Dad wouldn't let me visit her in the hospital; he said what she had was too contagious."

Olivia turned to Elliot and gave him a soft smile. He hadn't told his son the reason the real reason why Lily had to be in the hospital... He had kept her secret.

Elliot gave her a brief smile back before they both turned towards Eli. "She's fine. She's completely over what she had. She was..." Olivia swallowed hard and withheld a cringe that came from these words. "She was actually really excited to see you tonight."

Eli's face seemed to light up. "Really? I mean, that's cool... Um... could you maybe tell her that uh, foot ball season is kind of ending soon and I'd really like her to, you know, come to one of my games? If it's okay with you!" he added hastily as he saw Olivia raise a brow at his request.

She saw Elliot bit his lip to hold back a smile as he turned towards Olivia who held back a cross look before turning back to Eli. "I don't know, Eli, the last time she went to one of your games-"

"I gave Erik a fat lip and a bloody nose and said if he ever made fun of her again I'd kick his ass even harder. I got suspended for three days," beamed Eli as he glowed with pride and a smirk that reminded Olivia way too much of Elliot's own smugness grew on his face. Olivia chuckled despite all that had happened to her in the last several days. "Congratulations. And... of course I'll tell her."

Eli grinned happily before he turned to Elliot. "Dad, are you sure the dinners been cancelled?"

Elliot turned to Olivia who swallowed hard and nodded, feeling as if a large hole had just been punched through her chest again. Elliot looked at her not unkindly for a moment before he turned back to Eli who too had noticed the change in Olivia's demeanor. "Yeah, bud, it's been cancelled."

"Then is it okay if I spend the night with Jake and Shawn and catch a ride to practice with Jake's mom?"

"Yeah that's fine. Call me when you need me to pick you up tomorrow," Elliot said as he turned his attention back to his partner.

"Cool thanks. See ya, Olivia."

"Bye, Eli," she said with a half ass attempt at a grin.

He gave her a polite grin before he turned and headed up the stairs to his room.

The moment he was out of ear shot Elliot turned back to Olivia who looked like she had tears in her eyes. "She's gonna hate me, El... I ruined this night for her."

"No she won't," Elliot said reassuringly as he rubbed her back. "Lily will bounce back from this."

"After what she did last week I don't think she can. And now I'm just gonna go and screw up her life even more when me and Alex get divorced and she-.

He held a hand up to stop her. "Whoa whoa wait." His wide eyes looked over her face for a moment trying to find any indication that she was joking. He found none. "What the hell do you mean you and Alex are getting a divorce? What the hell did she do?" he snarled as his eyes narrowed into angry slits and his hands balled into fists.

For a moment Olivia considered not even telling Elliot what Alex had done, still remembering that night long ago when she had to physically stop him from going after her after she told him Alex had slapped her.

"Olivia," Elliot demanded. "Tell me what she did to make you consider this and tell me now."

A heavy groan escaped her as Olivia closed her eyes in annoyance. "She cheated on me with Chris."

Elliot stood there stunned for a moment before he nodded looking surprisingly calm. "I'll kill her."

"Elliot, stop," said Olivia as she quickly stood in front of him and put her hands on his chest to prevent him from leaving.

"She thinks she can treat you like trash and get away with it? Screw that, move out of my way."

"And if you really think I'm gonna let you hurt her because of this?"

"Oh so it's perfectly fine for her to cheat on you, treat you like shit for the past god knows how many months, but the moment anyone wants to do anything to make Alex pay you step up and defend her! If you aren't man enough to stand up to her shit for yourself then I'll be!"

"I'm not gonna let you hurt her!" Olivia snarled furiously as she pushed Elliot away from her.

"And the MOMENT you walk out of this house I'm calling the cops!"

"We ARE the cops, Liv!" he shouted as he took a step towards her once more. Olivia once again got right in front of him, ready to fight him if needs be.

"I'm married to a politician; I know a hell of a lot more higher ups then you and do not think for a moment I won't sic them on your ass if you go after her!"

The two partners stood head to head for a moment before Elliot shook his head. "I can't believe you, Liv. You're actually gonna let her get away with this."

"No I'm not," Olivia snapped. "I'm gonna go see a lawyer tomorrow and draw up papers, see what... see what he can do about custody."

"You realize the chances of you getting custody of Lily are slim to none, right?" Elliot muttered softly. "I mean... you're not her `real' parent, Liv."

"I have legal certified adoption papers saying otherwise! Alright I take care of her, I give her clothes, food, a warm bed, a roof over her head, and I love her more than anything else in this world! Hell sometimes even I forget that I'm not Lily's `real' parent! I am just as much her parent as Alex is and don't you EVER say I'm not!"

"Yeah but the courts aren't gonna see it that way. Alex is the birth mother, Alex is richer then a dog, Alex is a Senior DA who's going into politics, Alex has a shit load of family support, Alex is eight years younger than you. You are an underpaid grade 1 detective with no physical relation to Lily who makes fewer than 100 a year who is a few years away from retirement with only your brother to offer family support.

I'm sorry but it's true and I'm only saying this because I don't want you going into this thinking you're gonna get to see her every day and then being heartbroken when you only get to see her every other weekend!"

"I can't forgive her for this, Elliot." Olivia reached up and roughly wiped the tears that appeared away. "I'm not gonna stay with someone who cheats just for my child's sake. I won't do that to Lily. That may have worked out with you and that idiot but-."

"First off Kathy and I never cheated on one another. The only reason we broke up was because of the job and you know this! We got back together mainly for the kids, yes, and we're still... we're still very much in love with one another. Second, I'm getting sick of you insulting her very time you talk about her!"

"Sorry but when she makes a better idiot then a nurse I'm gonna call her what she's best at," Olivia said crossly.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at his partner but offered no remark in defense of his wife. As much as it annoyed him to hear Olivia hate on Kathy, she had, in her own point of view, a legitimate reason to hate her.

Kathy was one of the nurses helping Alex when Simon had died.

"Look, Liv," he sighed trying to change the subject. "I'm not telling you not to get a divorce. Hell I've wanted you to break up with her ever since she slapped you. But what I am saying is it isn't gonna be easy. For anyone..."

"I know," said Olivia softly. "But, El, I'm not gonna be one of those white collar wives who looks the other way every time a new rumor pops up or who think it's okay for their spouse to go off and do whatever they want with anybody just because they're in politics."

Elliot curled his hands into fists as tears filled her eyes and she looked up at him. "Why did she do this to me?"

Without another word Elliot wrapped his arms around her, embracing her tightly. She threw her arms around him unable to help the cries that escaped her.

He knew his words offered little comfort but he had nothing else to offer his best friend. "Its okay, Liv. It's gonna be okay, I promise."

"No it won't," Olivia sobbed. "I love her so much and she just threw it away!"

Elliot sighed as he tightened his hold and buried his face in her hair. "Baby, I'm sorry," he muttered. "You deserve better than this..."

Their brief moment was interrupted by the soft buzz of Olivia's phone.

"Why can't she just leave me alone?" Olivia shouted as she wrenched away from Elliot's grasp and grabbed her phone. She went to press ignore but the number displayed on the home screen stopped her.

"Why the hell is Lila calling me?" Olivia asked out loud as she pressed the tiny green phone on the screen.

"Hello?" she answered with an air of curiosity as she hastily tried to make it sound like she hadn't of been crying and failing miserably.

"It's James," came the answer on the other end. "Olivia, I NEED to know what Alex told you when you confronted her about the kiss! What did she say?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did she say when you asked about the kiss? Please, Olivia, I have to know!"

"She said that they were about to but she pulled away. Why?"

Olivia heard a long groan emit from the older man and she looked at the phone in confusion.

"James, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I made a terrible mistake!"

"It's not your fault, James," Olivia reassured him, "I... I wanted to tell you thank you for telling me actually."

"That's just it, Olivia, I lied! Alex wasn't cheating, it was all a misunderstanding!"

Olivia's head swirled with disbelief and she clutched Elliot's broad shoulder as she willed herself to remain upright. "Wha- what the hell do you mean? You told me you saw them kiss!"

"I... I sort of did. I saw them lean in for a kiss and then I turned my back. But Chris here just told me that same story. Olivia, I'm really starting to think they're telling the truth."

Olivia swallowed hard and she closed her eyes as new tears made their way down her face. She heard Elliot cry out to her but she could barely comprehend his words. So now Alex may have been telling the truth?

After a long moment of silence she finally found her voice. "I... James, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

Without another word Olivia hung up and turned to a puzzled Elliot. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Olivia just shook her head as she quickly pressed the `1' on her speed dial and held the phone up to her ear and waited for Alex to pick up.

After three rings a voice she didn't expect to answer picked up. "Mama where are you?" Lily's voice answered.

"I'm at Elliot's, baby. Can you put your mom on the phone?"

Lily sniffed and Olivia bit her bottom lip as her next words filled the detective with her own tears. "Mom's talking to someone right now and she and grandpa are really upset. But no one will tell me what's wrong with grandma and they won't let me see her and-."

"Wait, Lily, back up. What do you mean `what's wrong with grandma'? Did something happen?"

"After you left grandpa called mom and said grandma was really sick and that we had to go to the hospital now."

Olivia gasped softly as she put her hand to her mouth. That was what the calls must have been about. Lila was in the hospital and Alex had tried to tell her.

"Oh Christ... alright, baby, what hospital you guys at?"

"Sacred Heart in Albany."

"Okay I'll be there as soon as I can, alright? I love you."

"I love you too, mama. Please hurry."

Olivia hung up the phone and turned to Elliot once more, a million different reasons as to why Lila was in the hospital racing through her mind with none of them ending on a positive note.

"Liv, what the hell is going on?" Elliot demanded as he grabbed her by the shoulders incase she collapsed.

"I gotta go," Olivia whispered softly, "I don't know what but something's wrong with Lila, I don't know what. But I got- I gotta go. I'll see you later, Elliot."

Without wasting another moment Olivia raced out of the home only being able to form one solid thought.

"Please let her be alright..."

**Sacred Heart Hospital, Albany, 11:30 PM**

"Did Lillian express any wishes for her body to be donated to science or to the greater good?" the man who had been in charge of the hospitals final preparation's asked Max and Alex as they sat in the waiting room together with tears flooding both of their eyes.

"No," Max muttered softly as he bowed his head, twisting his wedding band on his finger. "She didn't... she didn't want to look bad at her funeral."

"Sir, what she donates won't even be visible if you have an open casket funeral. Now if-."

"I said no," he snapped far harsher then what Alex had heard in recent years. She glanced up at him and saw him look far more tired and older then she had seen him in years.

He sighed and rubbed his temple and looked down at the tile floor. His voice was so soft it came out nothing more than a whisper. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Sir, I understand this is a very difficult time for you, you don't have to apologize. Did she have any sort of plan or final wishes?"

"She wants a protestant burial and yes. She already had everything planned out down to a T, actually."

He let out a laugh choked with a sob. "Lila... Lila didn't trust anyone else with anything regarding her social affairs or parties even back when she was younger."

Max took a shuddering breath and Alex reached over and rubbed his back gently unable to hide her own tears.

The man gave a kind smile before he turned back to his clip board and scanned over it. "Okay, I think that about does it apart from one thing."

He turned towards Alex and gave her a shy smile. "You know I know you're only a politician, but you're like the closest thing to a celebrity I'll probably ever meet so could I, you know, maybe have your autograph?"

Alex turned from Max looking absolutely and completely stunned. Her tears momentarily ceased. "My mother just died and you have the nerve to ask me for a damn autograph? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I- I'm sorry it's just."

"Alex!"

Both Alex and Max turned towards the voice and Alex gasped softly when she saw her wife rushing over to her. Alex stood up as fast as she could and rushed over to her, newly formed tears flooding her eyes.

Olivia raced over to her and within moments had her arms wrapped tight around her.

Alex remained the slightest bit composed for half a moment before she let out a sob and buried her face in Olivia's hair and embraced her as tight as she could. As if there was nothing else in the world holding her down but the brunette standing in front of her.

"It's okay," Olivia said softly a she stroked her silky blonde hair, "It's okay..."

"She's gone," cried Alex. "Liv, she's gone!"

Olivia closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip in a desperate attempt to contain her own tears. "I'm sorry. Alex, I'm so sorry."

Alex sniffed and didn't even bother to hide the tears that were brooding in her eyes

"I wanted you here. I needed you here, Liv."

"I'm sorry," she repeated, "I didn't... I didn't know anything had happened. You know if I did I would have been here with you. I came the moment Lily told me."

"I haven't- I haven't even told her yet, Liv."

"I'll take care of it," Olivia assured her. "I have a lot of experience breaking this kind of news, okay? Don't worry about it."

Alex sniffed once more before she pulled away and looked up at her as more tears fell from her icy blue eyes.

The two women looked at one another before Olivia opened her mouth to speak. Her voice quivered unmercifully. "How's Max doing?"

Alex shrugged and turned to look at the older man who was failing at holding back his tears.

"I don't know... How can you have your wife of over fifty years with you one day and not have her the next? I don't know what I'm gonna do if I lose you like that."

Olivia remained silent as she swallowed the painful lump in her throat, forcing the words from her mouth. "Why don't... why don't you go be with your dad right now? I'm gonna go talk to Lily, okay?"

Olivia dropped her hands from around her and took a step away from the blonde whose eyes filled with more tears.

"I know you didn't cheat," Olivia muttered softly. "James called me, he said he made a mistake and I realized how stupid I was not to believe you."

Alex's face broke out into a teary smile as she reached out and went to grab Olivia's hand but Olivia pulled back once more.

"Liv, wha-."

"But I can't forgive you for everything else. There's just been too many lies, Alex."

"You can't leave me," Alex sobbed, "not now! Liv, please not now I need you!"

"And I'll be there for you as much as I can," said Olivia softly, "but after this it's over."

Alex shook her head, "no... Olivia, please!"

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered, "where's Lily?"

"Olivia!"

"Where's Lily?" she repeated just as softly.

"I- in the cafeteria, but, Liv-!"

"Go be with your father."

With another quick hug Olivia turned and walked away.

"Olivia, I'm sorry!" Alex cried as she watched Olivia walk away, unable to get her feet to move. "Please! I can't deal with this without you! Olivia! Olivia..!

Please Review


	13. Chapter 13

I own no one but my own people

A/N I had a 618 word long rant lined up to start off this chapter in regards to two reviews left by an anonymous reviewer, but then I thought 'my readers don't wanna read that. They want the story they've come to know and love and not read about stupid drama that has nothing to do with them. ESPECIALLY with only three chapters left in the saga.' That being said; I thank those who defended me, I hope you enjoy (AND REVIEW!) the chapter and I'm SO sorry for the long update wait and I hope it makes up for the wait. Again, please enjoy :)

**October 20th, Sacred Heart Hospital, Albany, 11:43 PM**

Olivia swallowed whatever fear was inside her as she walked towards the dimly lit cafeteria, her eyes flooded with tears.

As she neared the vast room she noticed it was abandoned save for one worker sitting behind the register reading a glossy covered trashy celebrity magazine, two doctors sitting across from one another sharing a salad and talking softly to one another, and Lily who was sitting at one of the far corner booths with an empty tray and plate in front of her playing with a loose thread on her top. Her head was bowed and Olivia saw dried tears in streaks down her cheeks.

Olivia took a deep breath and her eyes closed, willing herself to be strong for her daughter. The advice she had given herself on the elevator ride down, 'pretend it's just another murder victim's child', had been thrown out the window the moment she laid eyes on her.

She cleared her throat before she opened the glass door and walked in. Lily and the cashier looked up as Olivia walked in and while the cashier went back to her magazine, Lily got up from the chair and hurried over to the detective.

Olivia embraced her tightly when Lily threw her arms around her and rested her head against her chest.

Lily's voice cracked as the words left her. "Mama, what's going on? No one will tell me anything!"

She sighed as she pulled away from the embrace and with all of her might she forced a smile on her lips. "Why don't we go someplace private, alright? Come on."

With her arm wrapped around her shoulder the duo walked out of the cafeteria and Olivia led her around the corner where there was no one around but the two of them.

"What's wrong, Mama?" asked Lily. "What's wrong with Grandma?"

Olivia took another deep breath as she kneeled down until she was eye level with her daughter. "Lily, your grandma had a heart attack."

Lily's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Is she okay?"

Olivia swallowed hard before she continued. "There wasn't a lot the doctors could do for her. I'm so sorry, Lily. "

Olivia watched as Lily's eyes widened and tears almost immediately flooded her honey brown eyes. "No…"

"She was old, honey. It was just her time to go," said Olivia softly.

Lily let out a sob and threw her arms around Olivia and cried on her shoulder. Olivia hugged her back and gently stroked the light brown hair. "It's alright, baby. Everything's gonna be alright."

"I didn't even get to say goodbye!"

"I know, sweetie. It's okay."

Lily sobbed and clung to her tighter and Olivia struggled and failed to conceal her own sobs. "No it's not! Yo- you and mom are getting a- a divorce, Grandma's gone, an- and everyone kno- knows what a psycho freak I am thanks to tha- that stupid reporter! It's never gonna be okay!"

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Baby, what are you talking about? What reporter?"

"Som- some reporter came to th- the hotel and h- he knew I cut myself and tha- that I was in a psych ward. He grabbed my wrist to get a picture a- and mom hit him when he tried to pull me towards him."

Olivia saw red as she pulled away from the embrace and stared with a furious glare at her. "A grown man grabbed you by the wrist and tried to pull you away from your mom?"

Lily nodded and Olivia's hands balled into shaking fists. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm her down.

"Mama, what's-."

"What was his name?" she demanded.

"Jeff Zeters I think. No it was Zesters."

"Did he say who he worked for?"

"The New York Enquirer."

"Good. Wait here…"

Without a single glance back towards Lily Olivia got out her phone and walked away until she was out of eye and ear sight of her daughter.

Her hands were shaking so bad she had to enter the number in three times before she got it right and put it to her ear.

"We don't give out names of confidential sources," the dry voice answered.

"Charlie, not only did one of your so call reporters release the medical records of a minor without her consent," she snarled, "but another one of your reports grabbed that same miner by the wrist and pulled her towards him. That sounds like assault and attempted kidnapping to me."

"Zesters is being dealt with," Charlie Haskins, former crime reporter turned editor for the New York Enquirer, told her. "We got a hold of the tape and gave it to CNN who's gonna start running it as soon as it's verified and you should be lucky we got it when we did because he was in the process of editing it to make it look like Alex was the bad guy."

"Were the cops called?"

"No. He's claiming it was an accidental touch."

"He grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her towards him! How the hell is that accidental?" Olivia shouted before she quickly lowered her voice. "If you don't call the cops, I will. And then I will sue your paper and you."

"What the hell for?"

"For not contacting the police when you have video evidence that a crime was committed against my daughter."

A heavy sigh mixed with a groan escaped him. "Fine, I'll call the damn cops."

"Good. Now, who released my daughter's medical records?"

"Can't tell you that."

"Haskins!"

"It's a confidential source, Olivia!" he shouted into the phone. "That's what confidential' means! You don't know who it is!"

"I don't need a dictionary entry, I need a damn name! Just like YOU needed a good angle on the West End rapist and me and my squad fully cooperated with you!"

"And I thank you for that, but I can't and won't give you a name. I'm sorry."

"No you're not. But you will be once Alex finds out you won't give up the name!" she threatened. "Do you know how many higher ups she knows? And how many she will know once she's senator?"

"You do realize this conversation isn't off the record and I could report that you used your wife's political influence to try intimidate me."

"I honestly could care less about her reputation, just give me a name!"

"Look I'm gonna tell you the same time I told Alex when she called and said pretty much the same thing… I am not giving up the source. Good night."

A tiny beep signified that he had hung up and Olivia narrowed her eyes dangerously as she quickly looked up the number for the hospital that Lily had been admitted to just days earlier.

When she found it she quickly stored the number in her memory and dialed the number. Olivia waded through the various automatic instructions before she finally reached the ward she was looking for

"St Eves Emergency Room, Psychiatric Care Unit, this is Mary Lewis speaking," the bored female voice of the receptionist answered.

"This is Detective Olivia Benson," she greeted harshly, "Manhattan SVU, badge number 4051. I wanna know what idiot released Lillian Benson's medical records to the press without her and her parents' consent."

"Detective, I have no idea who leaked it to the press. Probably her parent who signed for them."

Olivia bit her lip in an attempt to hold back tears. How the hell could Alex have done this to their daughter? "Well is one parent's signature enough because I sure as hell didn't sign ANY form saying release her records."

"Yes. All we needed was one parent and I have her father's signature right here."

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion and her mouth parted in astonishment. "Lily… Lily doesn't HAVE a father."

"Just because he's not in her life doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to sign out her forms."

"No, you're not hearing me. She was conceived through an anonymous sperm donor we picked out of a catalog. Me and my wife have no clue what so ever who her quote on quote father is."

"He didn't tell me he was a sperm donor, mam. All he said was that he was Lillian's father and wanted to see what was wrong with his daughter since her mother wouldn't tell him."

"But her mother never received any kind of call or whatever asking..." Olivia ran a worried hand through her hair. She quickly looked around the corner to where she had left Lily and she let out a breath of relief when she saw her sitting up against the wall with her knees to her chest and silent tears making their way down her face.

"Look, what the hell was the name on the sign out sheet?" Olivia demanded as she walked back out of ear shot of Lily.

"Chris Winters."

The fury that had erupted in her minutes before when Lily told her about being grabbed by Zesters seemed mild compared to the anger raging inside of her. She was going to kill him…

"You… you said Chris Winters right?"

"Yeah. Brown hair, green eyes, cute, looked in his late forties, early fifties. Isn't… isn't he Lily's father?"

"No! He's a skeeving, conniving rat that's not even related to her in ANY shape or form!"

The tone of the receptionist changed dramatically. What was once a bored slightly annoyed voice transformed into a frantic worried character. "I'm so sorry, mama, I didn't know! He said he was Lily's father he even described her!"

"So you just go around giving medical records to whoever wants them?"

"He had a picture of the blonde woman that was here all the time and the girl together and he knew her date of birth."

"He was my wife's campaign manager and she gave him that picture to use in a commercial!"

"Please don't sue me!" the incompetent woman pleaded, "It was an honest mistake!"

"Because of your 'honest mistake', everyone in New York State knows that my thirteen year old daughter tried to commit suicide!"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she heard the woman on the other end begin to sob. "I'm sorry! I didn't know he would do that! I, I can call the cops! Get him arrested for fraud!"

No," Olivia growled, "don't call him, don't notify him, don't do anything; I'll handle it. You've already done enough damage."

Without wasting another precious moment that could be used beating Chris Olivia hung up the phone.

The brown haired detective took several deep breaths before she dialed the unfortunately familiar number.

After three rings he picked up. "What the hell do you want, Benson?"

"Nothing," she lied as she forced her sweetest voice to the forefront of her mind. "But Alex wants something."

"What and why couldn't she have called me herself?"

"She wanted to apologize for firing you and she's too embarrassed to call you herself so she had me do it."

"Really?" Olivia was disgusted at the sound of the lust in his voice. "Does she wanna see me?"

"Yeah. She wants to make it up to you… in person. She's at St Eve's hospital in Albany. She told me to tell you to meet her by the cafeteria."

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he told her, not even lingering on the fact that Alex was in a hospital.

"She'll be waiting for you then. Bye, Chris."

"See ya, Benson. And no hard feelings. The better man always wins," he said with a chuckle before he hung up the phone.

Olivia glowered at the phone before she threw it angrily into her purse. "Prick," she grumbled as she stormed back over to where her daughter was.

Lily looked up from the ground and hastily wiped the tears away with the back of her sleeve.

Olivia gave her a weak smile before she went over and sat down next to her, taking her in her arms and resting her head on Lily's as the young girl rested her head Olivia's shoulder. "I love you so much, Lily," Olivia sighed.

"I love you too," Lily muttered as she snuggled closer to Olivia. "I don't want you to ever leave."

Olivia bit her lip as she looked down at the person who meant the world to her. Several moments of silence passed before Olivia spoke. "I won't, baby, I promise."

"I wanna live with you," said Lily. "When you and mom get divorced I want you to have custody of me."

Olivia sighed and forced the joy she felt rise in her down. "Baby, your mom loves you."

"Not as much as you."

"Don't say that, Lily, you know that's not true," Olivia scolded softly.

"No you don't."

Olivia let out a groan and ran a hand through her hair. "Lily, I'm not gonna say you can't live with me, but… but it would make me feel better knowing that people who loved your mom was around her and supporting her right now and I know it would make her feel better if you were with her, at least for right now. She needs you, Lily."

"And I need a mom."

They both heard a familiar sob and both turned towards the corner. Alex was standing there, her hand over her mouth while fresh tears were making their way down her already tear streaked face.

"Alex-," Olivia began but without another word Alex turned and walked away.

Olivia bit her trembling lip and swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she turned back to a stunned Lily.

"I- I didn't know she was standing there!"

"I know, baby, its okay. Look, why don't we talk about this later, okay?"

Without another word spoken Olivia got up from her position on the ground and rushed around the corner.

She saw her walking away from the cafeteria and she sprinted to catch up to her. "Alex, wait!"

"Leave me alone, Olivia!" Her voice tried to convey anger but mixed in with the tears it only came out as sad and pathetic.

"Can we just talk about this?"

Olivia finally reached her and grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face her, heartbroken at the tears that were in her eyes.

"I'm gonna tell Lily to live with you, at least until after the funeral," Olivia informed her.

"Why?" Alex spat. "So she can just be miserable that she's not with you? So that I can be reminded every day that our daughter loves you more than me?"

"Alex, you KNOW that's not true."

"Really? Because asking to live away from me really seems like it is and unless someone was putting the idea in her head, because this isn't the first time she's said it then-."

"Wait," Olivia interrupted, her own anger rising. "You think I planted the idea in her head?"

Alex sighed and rubbed her temples. "No… I know you'd never do that to me. I just… I don't know, Liv. She makes me feel like I failed as a mother and I failed both my children; not just Simon."

Olivia stared wide eyed at Alex who very rarely ever even wanted to talk about him much less say his name out loud.

After another moment Olivia took Alex's hand in her own, ignoring the sparks that seemed to shoot throughout her. "Alex, listen to me. You're not a failure as a mother because of what happened to our son or because of what Lily said. You're an amazing mother and everyone knows that. You've… you've just been distant lately and your focus really hasn't been on your family. It's natural that Lily wants to live with me because I've been there for her the most these last few months."

Alex swallowed hard and shook her head. "I can't… Olivia, I'm sorry, but I can't let you take my child away from me, even if it's what she wants."

"Lily is my child too," Olivia said with a bit of a snarl.

Alex raised a brow in confusion. "Who the hell said she wasn't?"

Olivia took a deep breath and shook her head. "Never mind. It's just… just something Elliot said earlier."

"What the hell did he say?" Alex demanded.

"He said I wasn't… he said I wasn't Lily's 'real' parent."

Alex shook her head in disbelief. "That little bastard… Don't you dare believe that bull shit, Liv."

"I don't," said Olivia sternly. "I know I'm just as much Lily's parent as you."

Olivia took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. "Look, right now we're both tired; we're both emotional, we've both had a long day… Why don't… why don't you take Lily with you until after the funerals over and then afterwards we'll… we'll figure something out."

Alex nodded as more tears gathered in her eyes. "So… so you're really going through with this?"

Olivia opened her mouth and closed it several times before she swallowed hard. "Just go get Lily and go to your parent's place. Take a hot shower, get a hot meal, get some sleep and I'll call you later alright?"

Alex sniffed away her tears and nodded again before she walked past Olivia and towards Lily. Olivia followed and when they reached the young girl they watched with tears in her eyes as Alex walked over to Lily and bent down next to her and embraced her tightly and Olivia was relieved when Lily hugged her back just as tight and heard her say something that sounded an awful lot like 'I love you, mom.'

After a few moments Alex pulled away and began talking low to her, grabbing her hand and running her thumb over her hand. Lily looked over to where Olivia was standing and Olivia nodded, unable to hide the tears in her own eyes. Oh god, what the hell was she doing?

Lily turned back to Alex before she nodded and Olivia could see the same face that she herself had gotten when Olivia told her she wanted to live with her; joy that she struggled not to show.

Alex stood up along with Lily and took her by the hand and began to lead her down the hall away from Olivia.

Olivia closed her eyes as tears made their way down her face. She had no idea it would have hurt this much.

She covered her mouth with her hand as a sob escaped her in a successful attempt to not to make Lily or Alex listen to her sobs.

Olivia quickly turned the corner so she no longer had to look at her daughter and wife walking away from her and took desperate gasping breaths as she threw her head back against the wall and the tears coursed down her face. She wanted to sink down and disappear into nothing. She would do anything to get rid of the pain that erupted inside her.

Only when she heard the sound of approaching footsteps did she wipe the tears from her face and opened her eyes to search for the person who intruded on her weeping. The moment she spotted the trespasser her brown eyes narrowed into slits of hate and anger.

"What the hell's wrong with you, _Liv_?" Chris said with a smirk.

"Don't call me that!" she growled as she wiped the final remnants of her tears from her face.

"You are nothing but a lowly, disgusting, filthy bastard!" she snarled as she stormed over to him and stood not even an inch away from him.

He stepped away from her and he glowered at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You lied and said you were Lily's father and stole her medical records and then you gave them to a reporter! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No I didn't!" he yelled. "I didn't even know Lily was in the hospital!"

"Liar!" shouted Olivia. "I know you did it and I can prove it! I called the hospital and asked and they said YOUR name was on the release form! Why the hell would you do that, you bastard?"

Chris sighed as if the conversation was boring him. "Fine. I did it, but it was for a good cause!"

"And what good cause would that be?" Olivia snapped. "Causing an already suffering thirteen year old girl pain and humiliation on a state wide scale?"

"Close, but no. Look I called up the house to see if Alex would talk to me, Lily answered and told me they were at the hospital and Lily was admitted. When I asked what, she said that it was none of my business and hung up.

I didn't know if it was something minor or something that might interfere with the election so I called the hospital and asked to speak to the unit that your kid is on and when they transferred me to the psych ward I knew it was something juicy. I got the picture, went to the hospital, and told them I was her father. I showed them the picture and told the chick her birth day and she handed the records over like it was candy. I read them, realized your daughter's a psycho, and gave them to the press."

"Don't call her that!" Olivia cried as she pushed him away from her. "Don't you EVER call her that again!"

"Don't touch me!" he growled as he pushed back. "I was only trying to help Alex! A teenage daughter with mental problems who tried to legit off herself and Alex was ignoring the election to stand beside her? Sympathy votes for her would go WAY up. I didn't know she'd punch the damn reporter though! If you REALLY cared about Alex, you'd be more concerned she's throwing away this election for you and her psycho freak kid then worrying about Lily's records!"

With every ounce of strength she possessed; Olivia raised her fist and hit him square in the face.

He fell to the floor and Olivia ignored the blinding pain in her knuckles as she glared down at the pathetic man in front of her.

"You butch bitch!" he cried as he clutched his bleeding nose. "I'm gonna have you arrested for assault!"

"Try it!" Olivia snarled, "and while you're doing that, I'll have you arrested for falsifying your name on an official record, stealing official medical records, releasing official medical records of a minor without her permission, releasing official medical records of a minor without her parent's permission, attempted rape of a senior district attorney oh yes Alex told me all about that, verbal harassment of a police officer, and verbal harassment of a minor.

So go ahead, Chris, call the cops. But remember that revenge is a VERY bitter bitch and assault doesn't even begin to equal up to the time you'll serve and if you had even an OUNCE of brain left in that thick headed skull of yours you'll leave me, Alex, and Lily the hell alone for the rest of our lives! Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Chris glared at her but never the less nodded. "Yeah," he grumbled, "whatever."

He groaned in pain as he stood up from the floor and the two glared at one another for several seconds before she won the last battle he would ever be involved in with them. He turned tail and began to walk towards the exit.

"Hey, Chris!" Olivia shouted out towards his retreating back. Chris turned around and Olivia smirked at him. "No hard feelings. The better man always wins."

Chris glared at her but remained silent. He turned away from her and stormed out of the hospital.

"Fucking politicians," she muttered. Shaking her head, Olivia turned and headed towards the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee before she headed back to the hotel.

**October 23rd, St Peters Protestant Church, Albany, 11:17 AM **

"Who the hell has a seating arrangement for their funeral much less a guest list?" Alex muttered as she and James had a second moment where no one was walking into the church and took a moment to put on the sweater that had been tied loosely around her shoulders.

"Don't curse in a church; it's bad karma," James told her as he straightened out his tie.

"I'm just saying she planned this like it was gonna be the social event of the season. She has waiters in there serving hors d'oeuvres for God-… Gosh sakes! Plus these little handmade notes she made some people. Does she not realize how hurtful it is that some people got them and some people didn't?"

"You're upset she didn't leave you a note?"

"No," she muttered but even before the words passed her lips James could tell it was a lie. "In any case, the waiters are completely inappropriate." James shrugged as if serving appetizers to mourners was the norm. "Your mother did that with everything though. You should have seen the party she was planning to throw you after you won the election."

"And what if I lost?"

"She wasn't exactly planning on that…"

Alex rolled her eyes once more but before they could say anther word they saw an elderly couple that looked like they were on the way to some lavish grand party walk out from behind the corner of the side walk; having been forced to park on the other side of the street.

They walked up the marble steps and Alex forced herself to smile at who she assumed was her mother's friends.

"Names please?"

"Janelle and Lysander Keith," the woman answered with the most aristocratic tone she could manage as she held her nose high in the air.

Alex consulted her clipboard that held the 'A-M' names and quickly found the people she was searching for.

"You're all set," Alex informed them as she turned back to the couple. "You're left section, fifteenth row, thirty eighth and thirty ninth seat over."

"Thank you, Alexandra. I'm SO sorry about your mother passing," the woman said as she grabbed her hand.

"Thank you," Alex answered with a soft smile.

The woman gave her a clearly forced smile before she and her husband headed in.

Alex rolled her eyes as she leaned up against the wall again and sighed. "Shouldn't I be inside grieving with my father?"

"That was the plan, actually," James told her with a shrug. "Me and Olivia were supposed to be out here doing this but since you won't call her-."

Alex groaned and ran a hand through her soft curls. "Don't start, James, not today. Okay I've TRIED calling her. She doesn't wanna talk to me."

"She calls your phone three times a day!"

"To talk to Lily!" Alex argued as she struggled to keep her voice down so the mourners already inside the church didn't hear them.

"No, you assume it's to talk to Lily," James corrected. "You always hand the phone to Lily when she calls."

"I know she doesn't wanna talk to me, otherwise she would have told Lily. She doesn't… she doesn't love me anymore, James," Alex confessed. A hard lump in her throat suddenly made it difficult to swallow. Tears filled her eyes and she tried in vain to blink them away before they ruined her makeup. "She's probably not even gonna show up to the funeral…"

"Alex, listen to me-."

But he too was cut off when another man, this time a kind faced middle aged gentlemen, walked around the corner.

Alex hastily wiped her eyes as the man approached them.

"Name please?"

"Robert Parrish," the man said with a soft smile at Alex.

James quickly consulted his own list and whistled when he found the name. "Center section, row three, twentieth seat over; you must have been high on her like list to get that spot. You also were fortunate to get a note."

James reached behind the sheet and pulled out his last three envelopes and handed the one that said Roberts name on it to him.

The man chuckled and shook his head as he put the note in his breast pocket. "It was actually Lillian who was high on my own list. She donated five thousand dollars every year for the past thirty seven years to the Catholic Charities AIDS Services."

Both James and Alex's mouth fell agape at the man's words.

"That's almost two hundred thousand dollars!" gasped Alex. "Why would she do that?"

Robert gave Alex a soft smile. "She told me once it was her way of showing acceptance for someone she loved more than anything."

Alex felt her eyes well with eyes only for the first time in several days Olivia had nothing to do with them.

James reached over and rubbed Alex's back in small circles who failed at not letting her tears fall.

"I think THAT was your note," James whispered to Alex who took a shuddering breath and nodded in agreement.

"Mam, I can do this if you wanna go inside," Robert told her softly as he reached towards the clipboard.

Alex choked out a sob mixed in with a laugh and shook her head. "My mom would be spinning in the coffin if she knew I let one of the guests help out with this."

"Alex, let him help. You're not even supposed to be doing this."

"I'll be fine," Alex said as she wiped away her tears, no longer caring about the appearance of her makeup. "Just go inside and take your seat please."

Robert gave her a kind smile before he followed her instructions leaving the two alone on the front steps.

James put down his clipboard and took her by the shoulders so that she looked at him. "Call your wife."

"No," Alex said as she wiped more un-fallen tears from her eyes only to have more come.

"Alex, please."

"Don't you think I want to?" she snapped. "Don't you think I want her by my side right now? Okay, don't you think it makes me feel like the worse person on earth to know that all this is my fault? That pretty much every single problem we've ever had in our relationship is my fault? To know that I would kill to take back everything I did to her and I can't?"

Alex shook her head as another sob escaped her. "I love her more than anything in this world and I would do anything and give anything to have her back but she doesn't want me back… and I have to deal with that."

"Alex-."

Alex handed him her clipboard which he took eagerly. "I'm gonna see if my dad needs any help inside."

"Alex, wait-!"

Without another word she turned tail and headed inside the crowded church.

James sighed and shook his head as he turned back to the front of the church for a moment before he glanced down at Alex's list to familiarize himself with some of the names of the people to still come when he spotted his own name and gasped softly, his own tears filling his eyes.

"Fredrick, James," the seating list Lila had personally made out read. "Center section, front row, seat 11. Note."

"Smack dab in the middle of her family," he thought with a teary grin. He looked up towards the sky and smiled at the clear blue sky. "Took you long enough."

He reached behind the sheet as he pulled out the last three notes Alex had yet to hand out. One was addressed to James, the other to Max, and the last one was, to his surprise addressed, to Olivia.

James took his and slipped the last four into his pocket. He would give them to their owners later. He tore open the envelope and placed it safely in his pocket and began to read the short hand written note:

'_Dear, James. _

_I do hope you put marinade on the chicken for the wake. Your chicken has always been as dry as a bone. Also, please sit a little bit away from them on the pew. It simply looks tacky for the help to sit with the employers, no matter how much we consider the help to be a member of the family and a dear, loyal, and best friend to both me and Max. _

_Love, Lila.'_

He shook his head, chuckled once more, wiped his eyes, and went back to his duties.

**October 23****rd****, Hilton Hotel, Albany NY, 11:29 AM**

"Call her."

"No."

"Call her."

"No."

"Call her!"

"No!"

Olivia and Elliot, who was staying with her in the other bedroom who knew how hard it was to sleep in an empty house after years of marriage, glared at one another; anger burning in both blue and brown eyes.

"Give me one good reason why not!" Elliot demanded.

"She doesn't want to talk to me. She always hands the phone over to Lily when I try to call."

"So ask Lily to talk to her after she's done."

Olivia shook her head once more, some of her neatly gelled brown hair falling into place. "No, Elliot, you don't get it. Alex doesn't wanna talk to me. I said it was over and she… she agrees with me. It… it also makes it easier to leave her when I don't have to hear her voice."

Elliot looked over his partners face for a moment before he shook his head. "You're pathetic."

Olivia scoffed and her eyes widened to monumental degrees. "I know I'm getting old, but I didn't think my hearing was that bad because I KNOW you didn't just call me what I think you did."

"No, you heard me right. You're pathetic, Olivia. You want her back, you still love her, and you're giving up on her. You're making a mistake by leaving her, Olivia."

"Hang the hell on!" Olivia shouted. "YOU'RE the one who told me to leave her! YOU'RE the one who threatened to kill her because I thought she was cheating! YOU'RE the one who's wanted me to leave her ever since she slapped me fifteen years ago!"

Elliot scoffed and rolled his eyes to the heavens. "Oh come ON, Liv. You've never threatened to 'kill' someone you had zero intention on hurting? You've really meant it when you said you were gonna kill Alex if she leaves the cupboard door open again and you hit your head on it? Did you mean it when you said if Alex wakes up at three in the morning on your day off to ask if you could go to the store for milk in the morning you were gonna shove the milk carton down her throat? Everyone, including myself, says shit like that all the time and NEVER mean it. I mean no offense here, Liv, but you'd have to be an idiot to believe I or anyone else would go through with it or that I even meant it.

You're my best friend. I was angry she hurt you like that and abandoned you when you gave her everything. I would have ripped her a new one and made her eardrums bleed form all the screaming I did but do you really think I would actually hurt her?"

Olivia sighed and shook her head as she sat down on the bed with Elliot following. "She lied to me, Elliot," said Olivia as she cast her tear filled gaze towards him. "She lied to me so many times about... about everything."

"And almost every lie she told she did it to protect you or somebody else," Elliot told her. "She didn't tell you about her and Edwards date because she knows you would have gone psycho on Lila, she didn't tell you wanted to kiss Chris just like you never told her you actually DID kiss that cop woman you went on a date with, she didn't tell you went with her and Lily as a photograph instead of you two because she knows you would have said no and she was right when she said that a picture of you and her would have made her look bad, she-."

"Her picture was all over the news!" Olivia argued.

"It's BEEN all over the news! She is the first openly gay woman trying to become a senator; sorry to tell you but yes, Lily's picture will be all over the place! Can I finish?"

"No!" shouted Olivia. "Because it's not just the lies, it's everything! She's changed, Elliot!"

"Yeah because she's trying to move up in life! Just like you changed when you went from cop to detective! She's under a lot of stress right now, Liv."

"So that gives her the right to act like a bitch to me and her daughter? To say mean hurtful things to Lily?"

"No. But that's what a marriage IS, Olivia. You talk about things; you don't just throw in the towel!"

"I tried!" Olivia cried as she stood up from the bed and Elliot followed. "Alright I tried talking to her but she doesn't want to listen! All she wants to do is focus on her campaign!"

"It is a big deal! She needs to concentrate on it, and as much as you hate to admit it you know I'm right! Yeah Alex was a bitch and she shouldn't have been. But all the times she lied and was a bitch before the election you never really minded for some odd reason so what changed because up until four years ago you two were doing fine."

Olivia glowered at him as he stood in front of her, his muscular broad arms crossed in front of his chest in a feeble hope to intimidate her. "You know damn well what happened four years ago."

Elliot sighed as he walked over to her and took her by the hands. "Olivia… you have to talk to her. Not just about all of the campaign shit, but about Simon. You and Alex lost a child and I know that is something you never get over but have you two even tried to talk about it? At all?"

Olivia's eyes filled with tears she didn't even bother trying to wipe away. "I can't," she whispered meekly. "She doesn't want to. She just… she just wanted to throw everything of his away and forget he ever tried to exist. I mean we've both told each other it's not the other ones fault but… she doesn't wanna talk, Elliot, and I don't wanna be the one that pushes her."

"If you don't," Elliot said softly. "You're going to lose her. Do you still love her?"

Olivia nodded as more tears spilled. "More than anything."

"Then you know what you have to do." With a nod he turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door silently behind him.

**October 28****th****, St Peters Protestant Church, Albany, 11:58 AM**

"I swear if that priest makes us late…" Alex muttered angrily as she sat in the front pew with James on her left and Lily on her right.

"He won't," Max whispered. "He's been our reverend for a very long time. He knows how much importance your mother placed on promptness."

Alex sighed and looked at her watch before she looked behind her at the massive amount of people that filled the church to its maximum capacity.

The first few pews were filled with family, her closest friends, and members of the churches congregation. The other people who filled the wooden benches Alex hardly recognized anyone besides her own family members and several Judges, lawyers, and politicians she had worked with.

The interior was grand and majestic and gave you a sense of a palace. There was dark crimson carpet on both aisles on the floor next to the highly polished cherry wood pews. White marble made up the walls and the steeples were so tall and open it gave you a feeling that it actually did reach the heavens.

The polished mahogany brown casket was artfully surrounded by pink and white roses, Lila's favorites, as was the various candle sticks, steps, and the alter itself.

Standing next to the casket was a collage of Lila's photos. From gray and faded childhood photos showing a somewhat stern little girl, to colored photos of a stunningly beautiful blonde teenager and young woman smiling and having fun with friends, her marriage photos, pictures of her with a baby Alex, and photos throughout the years seeing her age gracefully.

"She looks like you," Lily whispered to Alex as she leaned her head on her mother's shoulder. Alex rested her head on Lily's and smiled. "Thanks, baby."

Lily snuggled closer and Alex kissed the top of her head.

"I love you, mom," said Lily softly.

Alex felt her eyes well with tears and she bit back a sob, forcing herself to speak.

"I love you too, Lily."

Alex took a shaky breath as she saw the reverend walk in. He was an older man, at least in his seventies with thinning snow white hair and kind blue eyes.

The church grew quiet as he stepped up to the alter and Alex swallowed hard as Max reached out and grabbed her hand and held it tightly. She could already see the making of tears in his eyes.

His voice was soft and full of compassion and humanity. "Good afternoon, my name is Reverend Charles Dawson and I wish to thank you all for attending the service for Lillian Cabot. We'll start by a reading a prayer for her mourners. Bow your heads, please."

Alex closed her eyes as she bowed her head and waited until Max unclasped her hand before she folded hers.

"'Almighty God, Father of all mercies and giver of all comfort: Deal graciously; we pray thee, with those who mourn, that casting every care on thee, they may know the consolation of thy love, through Jesus Christ our Lord'. Amen."

"Amen," Alex along with the rest of the muttered before turning their eyes back up front.

Charles turned back to the congregation and folded his hands on the altar. "On the night of October 20th Lillian Cabot passed from this world into the arms of our Savior she so strongly believed in. Lillian, or Lily as she was known to her closest friends and family, was a woman who put her strong spirit into everything she did. Rather it was regarding her interest of politics and law, giving to charities that were close to her heart, or sharply addressing people on how they should dress."

There was a low reserved chuckle that rose up from the mourners and Alex couldn't help but let out a tentative smile at his words.

"Lillian was a member of this parish for as long as I have led it and then some. Many times after the service was conducted she would come to me and after telling me that she and her beloved husband Max had just bought a new luxurious item for their home or a new vehicle she would suggest to me ways to improve upon the sermons I preached. For those of you who knew Lillian closely know that she never suggested anything much less told you what you were going to do."

There was another soft laugh from the church and Alex heard her father let out a sob mixed with a laugh.

"Sometimes she would tell me which lessons to teach my congregations but more often than most she would tell me which people she believed needed prayers. While you or I may disagree as to her reasons why someone would need prayer, sometimes she would strike the nail on the head. For weeks after the death of her grandson before the service; she would tell me that I was going to lead a prayer to pray for his unfortunate parents."

Alex looked down at the floor and felt Lily's hold on her tighten and Max reached over and rubbed her back in soft soothing circles.

"When Lillian's daughter in law was forced with a horrible decision regarding her wife's first pregnancy-."

There was a low mutter from the congregation and Alex restrained herself from looking back and glaring at them all.

Charles waited patiently until it had gone silent before he continued. "Lillian called me in tears, asking if she could pray with me over the phone to help save her daughter and grandchild, and in case something went wrong with her own daughter, her daughter in law wouldn't feel guilt and not grieve over something that wasn't her fault."

Alex swallowed hard and took a deep breath as fresh tears began to make their way frown her face.

"Lillian was a woman who loved her family and friends to the very end. She is safe with our Savior in heaven and enjoying her everlasting life with our Father. Let us pray."

They all bowed their heads once more and Alex felt her hands begin shake, knowing what was coming afterwards.

"God of mercy'," Charles began, "'as we mourn the death of Lillian and we thank you for her life, we also remember times when it was hard for us to understand, to forgive, and to be forgiven. Heal our memories of hurt and failure, and bring us to forgiveness and life in Jesus Christ our Lord. Father, the death of Lillian brings an emptiness into our lives. We are separated from her and feel broken and disturbed. Give us confidence that she is safe and her life complete with you, and bring us together at the last to the wholeness and fullness of your presence in heaven, where your saints and angels enjoy you forever and ever'. Amen."

Once again 'amen' was muttered throughout the entire church and Alex took a deep breath as she reached in her purse and pulled out her speech she had prepared.

"We will now hear remembrances from her friends and family," Charles told them.

Alex swallowed hard as she went to stand up but before she could the doors opened and the entire church looked back at the person who had interrupted the service.

Alex's eyes widened for a moment before they filled with tears as she watched the clearly uncomfortable person look around the crowded church.

"I'd um… I'd like to say a statement… if that's alright," Olivia muttered softly as she scanned the church, her eyes finally landing on Alex and gave her a subtle smile.

"Of course," Charles answered with his own smile."

Olivia cleared her throat as she walked down the aisle, avoiding the eyes of the onlookers including her wife. Alex watched as Olivia walked to the alter and stood in front of it, twisting her wedding ring.

"Hello… um... my name is Olivia Benson, I'm Lila's daughter in law. I didn't really think it'd be this crowded, honestly," she mumbled as she rubbed the back of her neck. "But uh, I just have a few things to say about Lila and then I'll let the rest of you speak if you want. I knew Lila for almost sixteen years and… I gotta be honest; we never really got along all that much."

Alex let out a soft groan as she closed her eyes as she heard the low mutters of confusion from the other people.

Olivia took a deep breath as she continued. "Lila was always criticizing me about my job, my wardrobe, the amount of money I brought home, the fact I'm eight years older than her daughter, and just about every other thing you could think of.

I first met Lila about a week before Christmas and my wife had told her I was a straight Republican who was dating my work partner. Those two weeks were probably the worst in my life I thought for the longest time. She critiqued and criticized and made fun of nearly everything about me. We almost got into a physical fight if it wasn't for her daughter holding me back when Lila insulted my own departed mother. It was horrible only made worse by the fact the woman I loved was lying to her own mother about me."

Alex looked down at Lily's shocked expression and swallowed hard. They would need to have a long talk when they got home…

"Then six months later when her wife and I were planning our wedding, Lila interfered again, she insulted and degraded me every day again, and my soon to be wife was lying to me and about me… again. I'm not sure how Alex and me made it to our vows, but we did somehow. When our daughter was about to be born, Lila came down to help out as any good mother would do… She told me on a regular basis that our child was my wife's and my wife's only. I was not her mother no matter how much I would love her and care for her. She once even called me a 'glorified babysitter'.

But when I needed her for the first time, truly needed her, she was there for me. She helped me survive the worst decision I ever had to make and told me what she and I both knew I needed to do but I was too much of a coward to say it out loud."

Olivia took a shuddering breath at the memory and wiped away the tears that glistened in her eyes. "I thought that was the only thing Lila would ever do for me. But looking back, I realized she did a lot more for me then I realize or could ever thank for her. "She helped me and my wife stay together bonded with that whole an enemy of my enemy is my friend thing. She kept me and Alex alive by forcing us to realize that our lives aren't perfect or beautiful. She made us work together to keep one another sane whenever she came to visit. And she… she made me realize how much I am head over heels in love with her daughter."

Alex covered her mouth with her hand to stop the sobs that were about to escape her. It didn't work.

Olivia turned to Alex and took a deep shuddering breath. "I love you, Alex. And every time your mother would be horrible to me, the only thing running through my mind was 'she's worth it.' That and 'oh GOD! I'd REALLY love to hit her right now!' But she made me realize we could survive anything together, including… including Simon's death."

Alex once again ignored the mutterings and her tears fell even faster as Olivia continued. "I just… I just wanna go back to the way things were; before we lost him. I know we have a lot of things to talk about before we're back on track but I'm more than willing to try if you are. I love you, Alex. Will you come back to me?"

Alex felt the entire congregation's eyes on her as she cleared her throat and stood up and took a deep breath before she spoke.

"No. No, I will not take you back…"

Please Review :)


	14. Chapter 14

I own no one but my own people

**October 28th, St Peters Protestant Church, Albany, 12:17 PM**

There was an even louder mumble than ever before and even Charles' eyes widened. James mouth parted in confusion and Alex could practically feel Lily seethe besides her.

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion and her lips parted as she ignored the loud mutterings around her. She cleared her throat and leaned into the microphone closer. "I'm… I'm sorry, what?"

Alex shook her head once more. "No, I won't come back to you… not without pleading and praying for your forgiveness for everything I've done to you. I don't deserve you. Not after everything I've put you through. I need to become a better person before I can take you back because I CAN'T hurt you again. I love you more than life, Olivia and I can't stand it when I hurt you because you don't deserve it, and that's all I seem to do anymore."

Olivia swallowed hard as Alex took a shuddering breath before she continued. "I wanna go back to the way things were too, more than anything and I know that we need to talk about… about Simon and everything else going on in our lives that's screwing us up. But the one question I have to ask is why. Why would you want to take me back after I hurt you and lied to you so many times?"

Olivia shrugged as she wiped the unfallen tears from her eyes. "Because I love you, Alex, all of your faults included. I need you in my life and I know no matter how many times we've screwed up I know that you love me as much as I love you. You're my best friend and the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with and I can't imagine living another second knowing that we're not together. So I'm gonna ask this again with hopes the answer is a little more upbeat and if the answer is no then I'm not gonna give up until you say yes and you of all people know how annoying I can be when I want something."

Another low chuckle rose from the mourners to include Alex who wiped away her unfallen tears. "Will you please, with all of your faults and mine, take me back?"

Alex nodded as she sniffed away more tears. "Okay… I will. I'll take you back, Liv."

A beaming grin took over Olivia's face as she raced down from the podium and wrapped her arms around Alex and embraced her as tight as she could, kissing her full on the lips.

Alex threw her arms around her neck and brought her closer; kissing her wife more passionately then she had ever done in these last long few months, both women ignoring the mumblings and applause from the audience behind them.

Charles walked up to the podium and cleared his throat loudly breaking apart only the kiss as they continued to hold onto one another tight as if they were afraid the other would fly away if they were to let go.

"While that was… that was very nice, we still have a funeral to get on with."

Alex chuckled and leaned her head against Olivia's, her eyes still closed. "I love you," she whispered just soft enough for the detective to hear.

"I love you too," Olivia muttered back with equal softness.

Olivia kissed the top of her head before they finally broke apart and silently sat down in the front pew.

Charles gave a nod and a kind smile to the two of them before he turned back to the rest of the mourners. "Barring any other true love declarations, does anyone else have anything to say about Lillian?"

Alex cleared her throat before she nodded and stood up, paper in hand and walked towards the front of the church.

"Hello, as many of you know I'm Lillian's daughter Alexandra," Alex began with a shaking breath…

Olivia looked beside her and wrapped her arm around Lily's shoulders and pulled the young girl in close to her. A smiling Lily rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and Olivia kissed the top of her daughters head before laying her head on Lily's.

James cleared his throat and Olivia turned to him and he handed her the note that Lila had left her. "You were one of the lucky ones," he muttered softly before turning back to Alex.

Without taking her one arm around Lily Olivia opened the envelope and pulled out the short hand written note she had received from her mother in law.

"_Dear, Olivia._

_We both know you and I have our differences in just about everything we discuss and believe in and we haven't always gotten along and it would be an upmost lie to say anything otherwise. But you are everything I ever could have hoped and dreamed for Alexandra to fall in love with. While you may not be rich or share my political or moral ideals; you cherish her and respect her and love her like someone ought to love a wife and then some. That is why I cannot begin to tell you how honored and proud I am and how much I love having you as a daughter in law. _

_P.S I would say nice outfit but one should never lie in a House of God. Please change that monstrosity of an imitation satin train wreck as soon as possible for the wake. _

_Love, Lila."_

With a chuckle Olivia tucked the note safely away in her purse and shook her head. "Only you, Lila." With a smile she's unable to control; Olivia turned back towards the love of her life and sighed happily.

**November 8****th****, Elizabeth Irwin Private Middle School, 12:32 PM Queens**

Lily Benson stood in the end of the line at her school's lunch line, looking down at the white linoleum tiles, playing with a strand of hair that had fallen out of her pony tail.

She heard several other students from her class come behind her and a beaming smile overtook Lily's face as she turned towards them.

"Hey, Lily!" a girl named Rebecca Davies greeted happily as she flipped her dark brown hair behind her shoulder smiling at her newest friend.

"Hey," Lily greeted just as joyfully as they inched forward in the line. "How was the math test?"

Rebecca groaned and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "It sucked so bad! I know I failed like epically!"

Brian Cosgrave, the boy standing behind the two girls, nodded in agreement. "Sucked doesn't even begin to describe it, Lily. She was being nice with that description."

"It was seriously that bad?" asked Lily with slight dread in her tone, knowing she faced the same fateful test after lunch.

"Don't let them scare you, it wasn't that horrible," a girl named Desiree Fauville assured her with a smile and a mocking glare at their other two classmates.

"Yeah if you're like a super genius like you it was a walk in the park," Rebecca shot back with a glare but the smile she was trying to hide managed to sneak through.

Lily laughed at her friends exchange as they reached the food.

"I'll have the veal and potatoes please, ma'am," Lily asked with a friendly smile towards the cafeteria worker.

"I didn't try that last time it was on the menu, is it any good?" Rebecca asked as the worker piled Lily's plate with the food.

Lily nodded as she took the tray from her. "Yeah it's really good actually. Thank you," she added with another friendly smile as they inched down the line.

Rebecca nodded in understanding before stood in front of the worker. "Veal and potatoes too, please."

Lily couldn't help but hide the growing smile as she moved down the line grabbing an apple and milk. When Brian asked her what she was smiling at she just shook her head and replied with a simple, "nothing."

She grabbed a small piece of chocolate cake, reminding herself that she had to still RSVP to Desiree's birthday in two weeks. She just hoped she wouldn't have to travel three hours to get to it…

Forcing any and every thought of leaving Manhattan for Albany away from her mind, Lily handed the worker her money, stuffed the change into her pocket, and walked outside of the line where she waited patiently for her friends to join her.

Once they had all paid the group made their way to one of the more crowded middle tables where Lily sat down in one of the remaining empty seats.

Both Desiree and Rebecca went to sit down in the seats next to her but Brian hurried over and stole the seat just as she was about to sit down and Desiree quickly grabbed the other seat next to her.

Rebecca gave them both a cross look but instead chose to sit on the direct opposite side of a beaming Lily.

Several other students from their grade made their way over to the table, almost every one of them giving Lily a friendly wave or simple hello at the least.

"I almost forgot to tell you guys," Rebecca announced to the table as they began to eat their food. "My parents are letting me have that sleepover I was talking about."

"Really?" Desiree said with slight surprise as she took a sip of her milk. "Your dads were okay with it? That's surprising."

"Well first both of them said no, then Papa Joe said yes but Papa Erik said no so Papa Joe said no again but then Papa Erik said YES and ugh, too confusing. Anyway, they said I can invite two girls, sorry Brian," she said with a careless shrug, "and you two are it."

Lily's eyes widened as she looked around the cafeteria, sure that Rebecca was talking to another student besides her. "You mean me?"

"Of course I mean you!" Rebecca said with a friendly giggle. "Who else would I be talking to?"

Lily beamed at her newest friend and nodded eagerly, forcing herself to hold back tears of joy. "Sure! I'd love to go! It's this Saturday right?"

"Yup. We're gonna eat pizza, have ice cream, play games, listen to music, gossip, and watch Johnny Depp movies until the sun comes up."

At the mention of his name all three girls sighed happily followed by laughter.

Brian rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Honestly I have no idea what makes him so attractive to everyone. Even my dad and Kevin say they don't get the appeal of some scruffy rebel."

"Well obviously both of them are blind," Desiree said with a scoff before turning back to Rebecca. "I'll ask my mom and see what she says but she's having her last consultation with the doctor so that she can 'legally' become a mom on Saturday so I'm not sure what time she'll be able to drive me over."

"And I have band practice that day then me and Eli are gonna go see a movie after so I'm not sure either but I'll catch a cab to your house when I'm done," Lily announced to the table.

There was a loud collective 'oooohhhh!' from the group that made Lily blush a furious red as she ducked her head and a shy smile crept out onto her face, missing the fact that Brian became a little sullen at this information.

"We're just friends," Lily muttered as she kept her eyes down at the tables. The boy sitting next to her perked up at this new information.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure. But, Lily, are you still gonna be able to make it if your mom wins the election tonight?" Rebecca asked as she took a bite of her potatoes. "Won't you have to move to Albany?"

"And are you still gonna be going here if she wins?" Brian added a little bit apprehensively.

Lily took a shuddering breath and swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she looked up at her new friends who were looking at her with equal amounts of concern. "If she wins tonight, I'm gonna have to transfer to a school up there that's almost four hours away so to answer both of your questions, no… no I won't be."

Desiree reached over and gently rubbed her back while Rebecca and Brian simply looked down trodden at the news that she might be moving.

"Well if you do have to move we'll come up and visit you whenever we can," Rebecca said with a smile.

"No doubt," added Brian with his own lopsided smile.

Lily took another deep breath and turned towards Rebecca and gave her a kind smile. "Thanks guys. That means a lot… So um… did you guys get the reading done for English yet?"

Realizing the massive desire to change the subject, the four of them were more than happy to do so.

**November 8****th****, Elizabeth Irwin Middle School, 2:28 PM Queens**

"… and North Carolina was the last state to secede from the union. Now for a little trivia, who can tell me," the teacher, an older woman with short white hair and kind blue named Carol Sanburg, began as she flipped through her notes trying to find a good question to ask them. "Rather or not John Brown was considered a hero or a traitor in the pre civil war era?"

Lily was the first to throw her hand into the air along with four or five other students. "Pick me! Come on pick me!" she silently urged the teacher as she continued to hold her hand up in the air.

The teacher looked around her classroom before she pointed to her newest student. "Yes, Miss. Benson?"

"It depends on your views about slavery back then," Lily began. "To the north and the abolitionists he was considered a hero. To the south and to the people who were pro slavery he was considered a traitor."

Carol smiled and nodded. "Very good, Miss. Benson."

Lily forced the blush that wanted to appear on her face down and a shy smile crept on her lips. "Thank you, mam," she muttered softly.

Carol chuckled and opened her mouth to say something before the loud shrill of the final bell of the day interrupted her. "Okay that's all for today," she announced loudly over the loud clattering of the students grabbing their materials and stuffing them in their backpacks. "You'll have your test back tomorrow and no homework for tonight."

Lily could barely hear her over her own hurry to get out of the classroom. She quickly zipped up her bag and slung it over her shoulder and hurried out of the classroom with the rest of her classmates

She made her way to her locker but could hardly take a step without someone saying hi to her or engaging in her in friendly conversation.

She reached her locker and quickly entered the memorized combination and opened the thin metal door.

She had just grabbed her jacket off the hook when she heard someone from behind her call her name.

"Hey, Lily!"

She spun around and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Rebecca smiling brightly with her bag slung over her shoulders.

"What's up?" Lily asked as she grabbed the books she needed for tonight.

"Me and Katie wanted to know if you wanted to come over to her apartment to hang out for a little bit then go to the mall with us."

"I'm sorry I can't," Lily said apologetically. "My mom is having a little party thing while we watch the election results and I gotta help clean before it happens."

"That sounds fun, maybe we'll stop by afterwards if that's okay. Then again I know less about politics as I know about math so between you and me that's saying something."

"It's actually really interesting if you follow it."

"I'll take your word for it," Rebecca said with a kind laugh. "Alright I gotta go, I'll text you later. See ya."

"See ya," Lily answered as her friend gave her a brief smile before heading down the hallway.

Lily leaned up against the lockers and a happy sigh escaped from her. God she loved this place…

With a look of happiness flooding her face Lily shut her locker and left the school.

**November 8th, Alex and Olivia's Brownstone, 7:42 PM**

"So are you nervous?" Max asked Alex as he took a sip of his drink.

"A little," she admitted with a shrug, "but whatever happens will be for the best."

Max raised his brow in disbelief. "Alex I'm not the press, you can be honest with me."

"I'm out of my mind with worry and petrified."

"Thought so."

Alex chuckled as she took another sip of her wine. "I just can't believe we've come this far and it all comes down to this one night. I mean I've been working my whole life for this. I don't know what I'll do if I lose… or if I win for that matter."

Max nodded in understanding. "Well at least you'll have someone who was willing to embarrass the hell out of herself at a funeral by your side no matter if you win or lose."

Alex smiled at the memory and nodded. "Very true. But winning would be nice. To know that all of the hard long nights and stress and frustration and everything that happened when I was at your house was worth it." Tears flooded her eyes that she quickly blinked away. "To know that I made mom proud by winning this even if she's not here to see it."

Max's smile fell from his face as he gently rubbed her shoulder. "Alex, your mother WAS and will always be proud of you no matter if you win this or not. She was proud of the fact that you found someone you love who loves you back, that you have a beautiful daughter, and that you did something with your life that makes you happy."

Alex sniffed away her tears and cleared her throat. "I'm um… I'm gonna go see what Olivia's doing in the kitchen. Go try the little hotdogs in barbeque sauce they're really good."

She turned away from him and ran a hand through her hair as she maneuvered her way through the crowd and finally managed to get to the kitchen where Olivia was busy piling an empty plate high with hot hors d'oeuvres, the sounds of the music and people talking muffled by the closed door.

"Oh god I feel like I'm gonna throw up," Alex muttered as she leaned against the cabinets.

"You're not gonna throw up," Olivia assured her without tearing her eyes away from the food.

"My stomach is in such knots right now you have no idea."

"I'm sorry," she said dismissively. "Could you pass me the tooth picks?"

Alex gave Olivia a fierce glare as she handed her the box of tooth picks. "You're not helping! Why aren't you helping? You need to be helping! Okay in less than an hour the votes are gonna be in and this night could change our lives. I'm scared, Liv."

Olivia sighed as she turned away from her food and towards Alex. She wrapped her arms around her waist and brought her closer and kissed her softly on her pouting lips. "It'll be fine and you need to relax. Whatever happens will happen and there's nothing you can do about it so just take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy yourself.

Okay no matter what happens I'll be there for you but right now there's nothing either of us can do but wait. You know I'm here for you, Alex, but the only words of wisdom I can give right now is to calm down and eat something."

Olivia picked up one of the hors d'oeuvres and handed it to her. "Here; a miniscule piece of baked chicken with some parmesan cheese and some kind of garlic seasoning on it. That'll calm your nerves."

Alex chuckled as she took the food and set it back down on the plate. She draped her arms around Olivia's neck and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you, Liv," she whispered softly.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered giving her another kiss on the lips. "Now get the door for me."

With another kiss to tide her over Olivia turned back to the plate of food and grabbed it in both hands.

Alex sighed as she hurried over and held the kitchen door as Olivia forced a smile on her face and headed out for the living room that was packed full of people.

"Head high, shoulders back, smile on face," Alex reminded herself before taking a deep breath and followed Olivia out to the crowded living room.

She smiled at several of her staff before making her way over to the wine and pouring herself a healthy glass and taking a much needed sip out of it.

Alex sighed as she took a moment to gaze around the room at the various people who filled up her living room. Her father and Max, numerous staff, some of her biggest campaign supporters, several of her friends outside of work, the squad including Cragen who had come all the way up from Florida to support her, Elliot and Kathy, and, to Lily's severe happiness and Olivia's dislike, Eli.

Alex couldn't help but smile as she watched her daughter laugh and smile brightly at whatever Eli was saying.

Olivia came over to her and looked over at the pair as well unable to hide her glare. "Why did they have to bring him," she muttered low enough so that no one besides Alex could hear.

"I think it's cute," Alex said as they continued to watch them. "Relax, Liv, it's just innocent little puppy love. And besides isn't it nice seeing Lily actually happy for once?"

"Oh I love the fact she actually comes home from school with a smile on her face," Olivia assured her honestly, "I truly honest to God no holds bar do. But I still don't like him."

"You only don't like him because he likes your daughter."

"Your point?"

"You know you're starting to sound an awful lot like someone I know," Alex told her as she took another sip of wine.

Olivia turned her glare from Eli to Alex. "No way am I in anyway like her." She turned back to the couple and rolled her eyes when the duo briefly turned towards them so someone could get past them before turning back to one another.

"Oh god, look at this shirt," Olivia muttered. "How trashy is it to wear a band T-shirt to a party like this?"

Alex looked at her for a moment in disbelief before she shook her head and walked away, downing the glass of her wine.

"What?" Olivia demanded as she followed her. "Alex, what did I say?"

"Nothing, Liv," Alex answered with a smirk. "Nothing at all."

"Well it's true. I mean it's just completely distaste-."

Her words were cut off when Anna, who Alex had eagerly agreed to be let back on the team after she had fired her, sprinted up to her nearly falling flat on her face in four inch heels.

"I just got a call!" she gasped nearly out of breath. "They're making the announcement early!"

"What! It's not supposed to be for another hour!" Alex shouted as she ran a shaking hand through her hair.

"When are they doing it?" Olivia asked trying her best to keep any food she had ate that day down.

"Right now!"

Alex and Olivia looked at one another in astonishment before they ran towards the TV and turned it on and quickly switched it to CNN.

"Everybody quiet," Alex shouted to the group of people in her brownstone. "They're announcing the winner!"

The room grew almost deathly silent as people scampered to get a good shot in front of the TV. Lily, with Eli a step behind her, rushed towards the front and sat in front of the couch, her eyes wide with uncertainty.

Alex and Olivia sat on the couch and Alex clenched Olivia's hand as tight as she could. "It'll be okay," Olivia muttered as she kissed the top of Alex's head. "Everything will be okay."

"We're all here for you, Alex," Max assured her as he sat down on the arm of couch and rubbed her back softly. "No matter what happens."

"Just take a deep breath and relax," James told her as he stood behind the petrified blonde.

Alex barely understood anything anyone was saying as saying. Her eyes were glued to the screen watching the two reporters who would be announcing her fate.

"And the numbers are in for the New York senate race," the woman said with a professional smile on her made up face."

"And I gotta tell you, this had to have been one of the most drama filled races these past few years," the man added. "Everything from openly gay Republicans, to firing campaign managers' weeks before the election, to deaths in the family, to punching out reporters, even to family members hospitalized for mental illness, this has been the most exciting campaigns in my memory at least."

Lily cast her gaze to the floor and a hot blush erupted on her face. Eli reached over and gently rubbed her shoulders, flashing her a kind smile.

She looked up from the floor and a timid grin spread on her lips before they both turned back to the TV. Olivia forced herself to hold back a growl while Alex simply chuckled.

"Completely agree, Tom. This is one senate race that'll go down in the history books. And we're being told that the official numbers are in for the race."

Alex's breath hitched in her throat, her hands began to shake, a cold sweat broke out on her brow.

"And the winner of the 2023 New York Senate Race, with an astonishingly close 52 to 48 percent win is…"

The room went deathly silent.

"Let it be her," Olivia prayed silently as she held her breath. "Please let her have this…"

"Democrat nominee Joseph Luciano. Congratulations Senator Luciano. Now we're getting word in from Florida that-."

Someone, they weren't sure who, switched off the TV. Low mutterings erupted from everywhere as Alex stood wide eyed at the blank screen.

"I… I lost?"

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Olivia whispered as she reached over and hugged her but Alex made no move to hug her back.

"I lost. After all that crap I went through, after almost losing my family I lost? I mean not like me winning would have been worth it but… I lost?"

Alex slowly stood up from the couch, her mouth still agape and her eyes still wide.

"Alex? Honey, you okay?" Max asked gently as she slowly made her way through the parting crowd.

"I'll be okay," she said, her voice nothing more than a stunned gasp as she almost hypnotically made her way into the kitchen.

"You sure?" James said as he watched her. "You look a little scary."

"I'll be okay," she repeated as she walked into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her.

Max and Olivia shared a look of worry before a loud scream that came from the kitchen made them all jump.

A loud crashing noise that sounded a lot like a pan being thrown against the wall followed by another scream. "SON OF A GOD DAMN NO GOOD MOTHER STUPID ASS DUMB BITCH!"

"Um, thank you all for coming but I think the party is just about over," Olivia announced hastily before she sprinted into the kitchen.

Alex was sitting against the cabinets with her head in her hands sobbing almost frantically.

"I- I worked SO hard for this election!" she cried. "I deserved to win this and I lost to that Italian smuck!"

"I know that but, baby, you have to calm down," said Olivia as she sat down beside her and pulled her into her arms.

"How the hell can I calm down after I lost!" she sobbed as she pulled away from her embrace. "I wanted this so bad, Olivia! I worked for this my entire life and I lost!"

"Alex, listen to me," Olivia said softly as she forced her wife to look in her eyes. "You still have me, and you still have Lily, and people who love and care about you, and a job that you love and that you're amazing at."

"But I wanted to win!"

"I know you did," Olivia sighed as she pulled her into her embrace once more. "And I wanted you to have this too because you deserve it but sometimes things in life don't go as planned."

Alex sniffed and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"I love you so much, Alex," Olivia whispered as she kissed her tightly on the head. "I'm sorry you didn't get this."

"I'd tell you its okay but I'd be lying," Alex muttered as she nestled in closer. "But I do love you too."

"Then that's all that matters. Plus guess what?"

"What?"

Olivia chuckled slyly as she leaned in and nuzzled her neck. "I still have two weeks off left on my vacation and I'm sure two weeks off won't be hard for you to get either come Lily's Christmas vacation coming up."

"Your point?"

"My point is we can take a nice long, relaxing vacation wherever you want. You deserve it after working so hard."

Alex seemed to perk up just the tiniest hair. "Anywhere I want?"

"Anywhere you want," Olivia assured her. "Except Washington DC. Heaven knows that's all we need is for you to start wanting to live there."

Alex let out a miniscule chuckle mixed in with a sob. "Fine. How about Hawaii? We could get a hotel right on the beach, get those little fruity drinks with the umbrellas in them, swim in the ocean and you could go swimming with the dolphins. I mean you've always wanted to do that and here's your chance."

"Sounds good," Olivia said with a smirk. "Then at night we could make up for all the lost time since you've started your campaign."

"Well we don't need a vacation to do that, we could start tonight," Alex said with the makings of a smirk on her features.

"I love that idea."

The two women smiled at one another before Olivia leaned into a kiss that Alex graciously gave her.

Alex let out a soft moan as she dipped her tongue into Olivia's mouth and gently massaged hers.

"Wait," Olivia breathed as she pulled away, her body hating her for her choice. "Should we go make sure Lily's alright first?"

Alex groaned at the absence of Olivia's mouth on hers but never the less sighed and nodded. "Fine fine… You wanna check on her or do you want me too?"

"I'll go check," said Olivia. "You go out there and let the guests know that your breakdown was only momentary, and then after I'm done with Lily, we can start that whole making up for lost time thing," she growled softly as she kissed her once more.

Alex chuckled and nodded as she wiped her tears away and took a deep breath before she stood up, smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

"I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving!"

Lily jumped as high as she could on her soft carpeted floor, a beaming smile overtaking her face as she clapped her hands together in sheer and utter joy with Eli sitting on the edge of her bed with his own smile. "That's so awesome! I'm so happy for you!"

She let out a loud cry of delight before she jumped face first onto her mattress and twisted herself over so she was face up.

"Oh god I can't believe it! I mean I'm sad that my mom lost, I really am, but I won't have to leave Manhattan! I won't have to leave my school or my friends! I won't have to leave you!"

Eli's eyes widened for a bit as did Lily's when the words that just left her mouth finally sank in. She cleared her throat and cast her gaze to the floor. "I mean… um… you- you're such a great friend that it would have been really bad to leave you."

"Yeah no I feel ya," he muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck and his own blush rose up.

The two teenagers sat in awkward silence for a little bit before he cleared his throat and looked over at her. "Hey, um… hey, Lily?"

"Yeah?" she answered as she looked back up at him.

He cleared his throat and reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a faded dirty old baseball.

"Here," he said as he held it out to her. "It- it was supposed to be your going away present if Alex did win so you wouldn't forget me. But I figured it could be a nice, um… like a 'congratulations on staying here' present I guess. It's the baseball from the first game I ever won three years ago. It was also the first time I pitched no hitter ball too," he explained.

"Thank you," she said with a soft smile as she took the ball from him. "Eli, you didn't have to give me this."

He shrugged as he smiled back at her. "I- I know but I just figured it'd be something nice of you to have."

"I love it," she told him as she wrapped her arms around him in an innocent hug.

He perked up as his smile grew and he too wrapped his arms around her. "You're welcome."

They both held on for a moment longer before they finally pulled away. The two looked at one another for several seconds before Eli cleared his throat and looked down at her carpet, playing with a loose strand on her blanket. "Hey, Lily, do you mind if I ask you something kind of like personal?"

"What?"

He shrugged and cleared his throat again before he spoke. "Do you, I mean did you, um…? Did you have your first kiss yet?"

Lily blushes furiously as she too looked down at the ground. "Yeah," she mumbled softly, "About a month ago."

Eli nodded and desperately tried to appear like the news didn't disappoint him. "Oh… right. So you have a boyfriend."

"No boyfriend. It was kind of, well not kind of, it WAS forced by a guy in my old school who wanted to see if I… kissed like a lesbian because of my moms," she trailed off into a soft mumble.

Eli's blue eyes narrowed dangerously and when Lily looked up she was strongly reminded of his father. "No." His voice was almost like a growl and it almost frightened the young girl beside him.

"No what?"

"No that kiss doesn't count and that guy deserves to have his ass kicked. But my dad told me once that if anyone is forced to do anything like… that then it doesn't count."

Lily narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Really?"

Eli nodded. "Yeah. So technically you haven't had your first kiss yet."

"Oh… gotcha."

The two sat in awkward silence for another few seconds before Lily took a deep breath and looked over at him. "Do… do you want to be my 'official' first?"

"Yeah!" Eli replied much more eagerly then Lily had anticipated. He blushed and cleared his throat before he shrugged. "I mean... that's cool."

Lily couldn't help but laugh at his answer and he almost seemed to beam at the sound he hardly ever got to hear.

Their laughter both died down and the room grew silent. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, his hands were shaking wildly, their eyes closed as they each moved forward. Their lips met.

"Hey, Lily, I was wondering, oh my god!" Olivia cried as she walked into the room unannounced.

Eli and Lily quickly jumped apart and their faces mimicked deer in the headlights.

"What the hell are you doing?" Olivia yelled, her voice going higher with every syllable.

Eli stuttered as he attempted to come with a logical explanation. "We- um- we wer-were uh-... I was giv- giving her a ma- massage."

Olivia stared at him in disbelief for several seconds before she shook her head. "Your father's waiting for you downstairs."

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled as he shot off of her bed like a rocket and raced towards the door.

He had just taken a step out of it before he turned back to Lily. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

Lily looks over at Olivia in hope, biting her bottom lip in anticipation. Olivia sighed and grimaced as if the words leaving her mouth were causing her physical pain. "Not after ten on a school night and eleven on weekends."

Lily let out a gleeful squee of delight and Eli smiled happily. "No problem, Olivia. I'll see you later, Lily!"

"Bye, Eli!" she said with a beaming smile.

With that Eli raced out of the room and down the stairs. Once he was safely out of harm's way Olivia turned to Lily who was trying her hardest not to let her grin shine through. Olivia raised an eyebrow and pointed towards her door. "When he's over here this door is to remain open at all times do you understand?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Same rules apply with him as when you go out with friends. Be home by eight on school nights ten on weekends and he will NOT, under any circumstances, spend the night here or be over here when you're home alone and vice versa, got it?"

"Got it."

Olivia sighed as she leans against the frame. "You know Elliot isn't gonna be too happy with me if I have to kill his son so you make sure he treats you right and the moment, I mean the single solitary moment, he does something you're not comfortable with, you say 'no' okay?"

Lily nodded, her smile fading into a look a lot more solemn. "Mama, I know. I mean Mom and me already kind of had the talk."

Olivia's eyes grew to the size of saucer plates. "You just turned thirteen!" she shouted.

"I had it when I was eleven."

"Your mom taught you about… whatever when you were eleven?"

She nodded and Olivia shook her head in disbelief. "Just… do homework or something."

"Okay but I need help with history," Lily said as she reached down beside her and grabbed her bag and pulled out her books. "I gotta do a report on the first election of Lincoln and-."

"No no no no no. History is your moms department," Olivia said as she held her hands up in mock surrender. "For English I'm your man but history falls to her."

"Plus," she thought with a smile. "I've had enough elections to last me a lifetime."

Please Review, and no this isn't the end. There's still one more chapter left :)


	15. Chapter 15

I own no one but my own people

A/N Over 250,000 words, 1145 reviews (and counting), 46 chapters, 3 personal records broken (most words in a story, most reviews for an individual chapter, and most reviews for an individual story), and one very bitchy mother in law later, you guys are still here. Writing the Meet The Cabot series was the most fun I've ever had writing anything and I've been a writer of fanfiction for almost 9 years now. It's made me laugh, it's made me cry, and it's made me want to become a better writer for you all because this isn't just a love story between Alex and Olivia; it was a story with an OC as its main costar, it was classified as humor, it wasn't EO, there was no smut, and no stalker was after Olivia and usually that's a big recipe for failure in the fan fiction world but you guys made these not only incredibly popular stories but the most well reviewed AO saga in history, maybe even SVU fanfic history. I started this story sooo long ago, back in 04 and it has gone through a lot of changes and when I finally posted it online on that cold November afternoon, I knew I was giving you guys something special and amazing. For almost two years nearly every month, sometimes almost every week, there was a Meet The Cabot update in your E-mails and on the first page of the updated story list and I am heartbroken that this will be the last. Lila, Max, Lily, and James, and all of my other original characters I've grown so attached to that I honestly am not sure how to say goodbye to them which is why, starting the moment after I click on the 'completed' option, I will be working on legally publishing the Meet The Cabot series. I know it needs a lot of work but the thought of never again writing about Lila just… it literally makes me wanna cry. She's grown to be such a huge part of my life, and I hope yours as well and maybe, hopefully, one day you'll be able to read her in hardcopy or paperback form. So from me to all of you; rather you be long time fans, followers, reviewers, lurkers, or regular readers, thank you for everything rather it be words of encouragement in your reviews, me getting an E-mail knowing that you love me or my story enough that you wanna display it proudly in your profile or you want an update the second it happens, or just giving me a smile when I see that I get over 1,000 hits on this story a day. I hope that you have had as much fun on this journey as I have. Thank you again and please enjoy.

Ten Years Later

December 20, 7:00 PM, Alex and Olivia's Brownstone, Manhattan.

"And in the case of Britney O'Halloren for the first degree murder of Caylee O'Halloren, how does the jury find?"

"We the jury finds the defendant, Britney O'Halloren… guilty."

"YES!" Alex screamed at the TV her reaction mirroring nearly everyone in the court room that was in their living room. "I knew that crack head whore was guilty!"

"Great… can we change it now?" asked Olivia as she reached for the remote but Alex lightly slapped her hand away.

"No no no no I wanna watch the aftermath of the trial. Now if _I_ was the prosecutor I would have presented-."

Olivia let out a loud groan interrupting the ADA who threw an annoyed look her way. Olivia leaned back in her chair and looked over at her, her brown eyes looking on in disbelief as she pushed back some of the light gray strands that had fallen in her careworn face. "Come on, Alex, just stop. For the past two weeks all you've done is watch trials on TV and ranted about if YOU were prosecutor for it. We're supposed to be enjoying our retirement."

Alex scoffed as she looked over at her wife of nearly twenty five years, "and need I remind you who for nearly three months after her retirement two years ago watched every episode of 'Cops' and launched a full scale rant after every episode on what they could and couldn't have arrested the guys on?"

A blush slowly crept on Olivia's face as she looked down at the green carpeted floor in order to ignore Alex's mockingly reproachful look. "Cops is a way better show," muttered Olivia with a shrug. She cleared her throat before she cast her gaze back up at her looking seemingly more confident. "In any case we're supposed to be enjoying our retirement not sitting around watching TV all day."

Before Alex could stop her Olivia reached over and grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. She threw the long black remote to the floor and made no move to pick it up.

"Well what else can we do?" asked Alex as she leaned back on the black leather couch. "Most retired couples move to hot and sunny Florida but since it's apparently legal to murder three of your own children down there I'm more then content to stay up here in the cold New York."

Olivia smirked as she leaned back in the chair that mirrored the couch Alex was sitting on. "Funny… I had an idea that'll occupy our time AND keep you nice and… hot."

A laugh escaped Alex's throat as she looked over at a self-satisfied Olivia. "You're a seventy two year old woman… you don't think that's just a smidge inappropriate?"

"I'm sorry, I was laboring under the impression that you liked inappropriate."

Another laugh from Alex couldn't help but make Olivia laugh alongside her. "You're such a dirty old woman."

Olivia shrugged once more as she got up and made her way over to Alex and sat down beside her, her smile widening as she leaned in closer. "Do you like me this way?"

"Without a doubt," Alex breathed as the two inched forward to capture one another's lips in a kiss.

But before they could they were interrupted by the sound of their front door all but slamming open.

"Surprise!" came Lily's voice as she and Eli rushed through the door their hands intertwined while they carried luggage in the other both wearing beaming smiles on their faces.

Both Alex and Olivia jumped at the noise and whipped their heads towards the open door and the couple of ten years standing in front of it.

"Lily!" cried Olivia as she got up from the couch and hurried over to her with Alex following. Olivia got there first and pulled Lily into a tight embrace. "Oh, baby girl, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Mama," said Lily as she hugged Olivia just as tight.

The two hugged for several more moments before Lily broke away and turned to Alex with an even bigger smile.

"Hi, mom," greeted Lily as she hugged Alex just as tight as she had Olivia.

"Hey, Lily. What are you doing here?" asked Alex as she returned the embrace.

The two held on for a few more seconds before they pulled away and Lily shrugged. "We decided to come up and see you and stay for the holidays! We're gonna be here until the second."

"That's great, sweetie, but I thought you were busy studying for the BAR?" asked Olivia.

"She was," answered Eli as he set down the bags and turned towards Olivia. "But I forced her to put down the books long enough to come visit her parents for the holidays."

Olivia gave him a cross look and folded her arms in front of her chest. "Really? You FORCED her to put down her books? Eli, you had better be exaggerating because no one forces my daughter to do anything much less a soon to be NYU alumni."

A slow blush crept over Eli's face and he forced a remnant of a smile that turned out to be more of a grimace on his face b. "I… um… It- it was a joke, Olivia. I'd never force Lily to do anything, honest."

Olivia raised her brow in annoyance at his words and Eli's miserable excuse of a smile faltered some before he cleared his throat and turned to Alex who just shook her head at her wife's attitude.

"So me and Lily have great news," said Eli as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in close to him.

Olivia shook her head and shot a glare at Eli so poisonous it was a miracle he didn't drop dead on the floor. "Lily, you're way too young to get married! How the hell could you even think about getting married now? You're two months away from taking the BAR! Eli, why in the name of hell would you propose knowing you both need to be focused on your careers and her schooling right now? I swear to god if your father wasn't my best friend, I'd-!"

"Mama, we're not engaged!" interrupted Lily louder then she intended. Olivia stopped mid rant and looked from a shocked Lily and Eli to Alex who was turning red she was struggling not to laugh.

Olivia cleared her throat and gave them each a curt nod. "I'm… I'm sorry for the outburst and for jumping to conclusions. Now… what was the surprise?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Lillian Serena Benson, you had better be joking!" roared Olivia and Eli took a step back away from the irate woman.

"Yes yes I am I am! It… it was a joke. You know, ha ha…?"

Both Alex and Olivia glared daggers at their daughter and she too took a step back from them as well and hid behind Eli. "But we really do have good news."

Without waiting for either one of them to speculate further Eli took a deep breath and willed a smile on his face. "I got accepted for Manhattan SVU uniform officers training."

A look of pure utter relief flooded both Alex and Olivia's faces. "That's great," said Alex with a smile. "Congratulations, Eli."

"Thanks. There were fifty seven of us who applied and they only accept one and I'm it!"

"Believe it or not we know how they train the officers working in Manhattan SVU," said Olivia with a look of annoyance.

"Oh um, right, sorry. Anyway I just got the news today and I thought it was because you know I was number one at the academy you know regarding physical strength and shooting but apparently they take the more like book smart candidates but it turns out they weren't gonna take me but some anonymous detective working there not only made my name go right to the head of the stack but gave me a glowing recommendation as well and basically told the hiring guy they HAD to take me."

"Well that was nice," said Alex. "Who was it?"

Eli shrugged "No idea, the guy said not to tell me. I know it wasn't my dad because he already gave me a recommendation. But whoever it was they're freaking awesome."

Alex nodded in agreement before she turned towards Olivia who had a look of mild interest on her face.

The blonde smirked and shook her head before she turned back to Lily and Eli. "So you two wanna take off your coats, get something warm to eat and we'll take your luggage up to the guestroom?"

"No it's fine, mom, we've got it," assured Lily with a smile.

"No no, you two sit down and relax. We'll be right back down."

With another smile to tide them over Alex and Olivia, who was holding back an annoyed glower at Eli that would have told him 'help with the damn bags!' took a hold of the luggage and made their way upstairs.

"Holy shit what the hell did they pack!" Alex exclaimed loudly throwing the heavy bags on the bed.

Olivia merely chuckled in agreement as she threw Lily's bags on the bed as well. "I don't know how much I like the idea of them sleeping together," she grumbled as she looked at the bags on top of the mattress,

"They've been a couple since they were teenagers, Liv. I don't think this will be the first time they shared a bed together."

"I blame you for that by the way," said Olivia as she sat down on the edge of the bed with Alex following. "If you hadn't told her about sex when she was eleven-."

"Oh god, you're STILL on about that? Haven't I been punished enough? You held out on me for nearly a month after she told you!"

"You deserved it," said Olivia smugly. "Anyway I still think we should set him up somewhere else. The upstairs bathtub will be comfortable enough for him."

"Liv, come on," said Alex in a scolding tone as if she were talking to a five year old. "Be nice. And besides we both know you like him."

"Hell to the no I don't."

"Yes you do. I heard you over talking with Detective Mille the other day."

"So?"

"The same Detective Mille who runs the SVU uniformed officers training…"

A hot blush overtook Olivia's face and she looked down at the carpet. She almost seemed embarrassed at what she had done. "Well he did score the highest in his class and… and he's a good cop who'll make a great detective someday and he'll work well with the victims."

Alex's hand clamped over her mouth in shock and she gasped in mock amazement. "Did you just actually pay a compliment to Eli Stabler much less help him in his career?"

"Yeah yeah, don't tell anyone," Olivia said with a disgruntled mumble.

"Wow… under all that iciness you try to feel for him you still like him enough to do that for him. I'm impressed, Liv. Turns out you do have some genuine kindness for him lurking deep inside you."

"VERY deep inside me," Olivia corrected.

Alex laughed at Olivia's words and she leaned over and gave her a short kiss on the lips. "I ever tell you how much I love you?"

"Not in the last twenty minutes," answered Olivia with a grin before she reached over and kissed Alex once more

Alex reached up and ran a hand through her wife's gray hair that was no longer a rich chestnut brown but still just as soft and silky as the first time she ran her hands through it, running the back of her own aged hand over Olivia's once smooth face now decorated kindly with wrinkles and laugh lines, each crease nothing more than a reminder of their long and happy life together.

Alex groaned softly as Olivia pulled her in closer. She made a move to move her hand under Olivia's shirt and Olivia moaned happily as the kiss intensified.

"Mom, Eli was wondering where- oh god what are you doing?" asked Lily as she walked in the room unnoticed.

They were forced to break apart and Alex sighed heavily as she and Olivia turned to a stunned Lily. "Yes, Lily, what do you need?"

"I know it's your house but there's company here, you guys, come on!"

Olivia shrugged carelessly as she wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and pulled her closer. "Never stopped us before. Now what did you want?"

Lily's eyes closed in what could have been annoyance before she finally spoke. "Um… Uh, Eli wa- was wondering where the spare towels were. They aren't in the linen closet."

"They're in the cupboard above the dryer, I'll get them for you," Alex sighed as she and Olivia got up from the bed smoothing out their clothes.

Lily gave each of them another look of disbelief before she left the room shutting the door behind her.

Alex and Olivia looked at one another for a moment before they burst out into laughter

After what seemed like hours of laughing to the point it caused their ribs to hurt Olivia wiped the tears away from her eyes. "Oh god, it'll never end will it?"

"Not in this lifetime I'm afraid," said Alex as she too shook her head, some of her hair falling out of her ponytail and into her face.

Both women were grinning like chesere cats as they turned towards the door. "You ready for this?"

"Do I really have a choice?" asked Olivia as she turned back to Alex.

"Not really."

"Then I'm ready as I'll ever be."

With beaming smiles on both of their lips their hands grasped one another as they walked towards the door and out of the room side by side.

For the past twenty eight years Alexandra Rosalie Cabot and Olivia Magdalena Benson had been head over heels in love with one another. All was well.

**The End**


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